[6] history

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i decided i'd spent my day at the inversive museum. i haven't gone since renovations. plus, my mind is still on yesterday.

my phone's been turned off since yesterday too, and i woke up to banging of salma and jana at my door. apparently they saw the whole thing live and felt bad. plus, they were sent messages by the guys to ask if i was okay but i then told them that if they really cared, they'd also be at my door.

but i get it, they're busy.

so i got an escort there where i was greeted by workers and asked if i wanted a guide. but i was honestly here just to browse on my own.

so i let them down politely and i was on my way.

i'm glad they're closed on monday's so i have it all to myself.

i love the walls that show videos of our old victories. makes me wish i was a kid again.

some of my favorite memories at la masia was attending their games. my friends and i lost our voices by the end of the night and it would be crazier to think we had school in the morning.

the videos keep on changing till the one of our 5-1 win at the camp nou starts to play.

i wish i could go back to that night.

to me, i felt like one of the best performances i've ever put out. not just me but the entire team. i was happy about my brace even though in the last minutes i was really aiming for the hat trick. but i'll get it some other time.

i feel myself smiling and continue walking along to the trophy room. my ballon d'or will be in here in a matter of a few days. i'm excited to be apart of history with my idols.

a lot of people would know that if they bothered to even bat an eye at me yesterday.

i pass by the wall of jersey's where some of the biggest names are hung up.

playing with 30 is a dream to me. it was leo's when he first debuted and mine as well. i always looked up to him. it's an even bigger dream of mine to play with 10, though. "enjoying your time here, miss santana?"

i'm startled to say the least.

i didn't expect someone to come up from behind but when i saw an employee, i regained my breath and smiled politely. "how could i not?"

"lovely to hear." i nod slowly when he follows me in front of ronaldinho's jersey. "a dream to play with 10?"

"is it that obvious?" i ask back.

"very." well, i hope everyone else sees that when it's time to register me for the new season next year. "though, i see the role of six fit you perfectly. you're much like xavi but with more goal scoring. pero no le digas que dije eso. (but don't tell him i said that)"

"claro que no, pero gracias por eso. (of course not, but thank you for that)"

to even be compared to another one of my idols will forever be a compliment.

i spent my childhood doing two things and two things only: watching highlights, and practicing everyday, putting them into my play but slowly turning it into more. my own style; i'm proud of how far i've come. i couldn't be more grateful for my skills.

"of course. i just figured after yesterday—"

"you saw?" now it has me wondering how many others did too. "yes and can i just say how sorry i am?" i'd accept his sympathy if it didn't remind me of what went down yesterday when the main reason i came down here was to forget about it.

granted, i wasn't doing such a good job even before he came up to me.

"theres no need for that."

"there is though. you won an even bigger award than the kopa trophy. don't you think you deserve the praise too?"

but everyone only sees gavi as barca's future.

the rest of us... we're just kind of there sometimes from how much they glorify him. "i guess." i say flat. "theres no 'i guess,' theres only yes! you shouldn't put up with it. you're barca's future just as much as he is."

"then why does everyone—"

"it's just how it goes unfortunately."

i'd give a limb for an answer, and i'd give an organ to be him too.

"are you okay, miss santana?"

"just fine." i say and swiftly turn back to the wall of some of the greatest names. but the closer i look at ronaldinho's and messi's, i wish that were me more than ever right about now. "am i just not good as him or something?"

it isn't just this instance, it's all the others having had shared the stage with him for being the youngest on our teams, having the same number... everything.

"you have your own skills just as he does."

is that just another way of saying i'm worse? i take a deep breath as the man continues to watch me. "i wanna be as great as them." i whisper and motion back to the wall.

"you'll be up there one day, camile." i'll make sure of it.

"would you like to head down to the cafe? maybe a croissant will put you in a better mood."

"i would if i didn't have to train tomorrow."

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