Would It Matter // Rick Grimes

Chapter 81

I woke up to see houses around me. The street looked familiar to me, and I came to realize it was the neighborhood I lived in before the dead started walking. People were taking walks with their pets and children. Children were playing in the yards and having fun.

Everything looked normal, and everyone looked unbothered. A time I can't remember. I miss days like this, and seeing everything how they were before brought tears to my eyes. I walked on the sidewalk until I came up to my home. I went inside and saw me, Rick, and Carl watching a movie together.

Seeing Carl brought more tears. Knowing he's dead and I won't be able to be with him. I'm going through memories of before and it's both good and bad. The good was seeing everyone alive and having fun with friends and family. The bad was knowing that none of them are alive now except for me and Rick.

I don't know about me now. For all I know, I could be dead. By getting shot in the gut up close. I looked down and saw the blood staining my shirt. I placed my hand on my stomach and pulled it away. The blood was now on my hand. I walked out of the house and walked down the street. I ended up at my home again but it looked slightly different.

I walked into the home and saw that I was pregnant. It was after me and Rick got married. I was only about two months pregnant with Emma. I was walking through everything I went through. It was then when Rick got shot and was in a coma then when we were at the quarry.

It was the day I went into labor with Emma. I watched as Shane helped me deliver her. I know what he did to me and what he tried to do to Rick was a terrible thing but I still miss him. He stayed by me when I needed someone. My sister was watching me give birth and I didn't notice before since I was pushing a baby out but she was smiling at the birth of her niece.

I would never forget that day. It was also the day Rick showed up. I shouldn't have ran to him after giving birth but being reunited with your husband, wife, brother, or sister, you forget all about it.

Further down the road, we were at the CDC. I was scared to explore this memory because of what happened. I walked down the hallway until I came to mine and my families room and saw Shane standing in the doorway and me on the other side.

Shane threw himself against me and kissed me against the door. I saw myself push him away and that's when Rick showed up with Carl and Emma. Shane left and I followed him. I was curious as to where he went. He turned into his room that he shared with Lori and went inside.

I followed him inside and saw Lori only wearing a button up shirt. Shane marched towards her and kissed her. From where I stood, it looked like she was kissing him back. That was until I saw her struggling to push him off. She was finally able to push him away from her and he ripped the shirt open that was covering her up.

He forced himself on her. On my sister. If only I stopped it from happening but I didn't. Because I didn't know it was happening. I wish she told me, I would've helped her through it. But I know it's hard for someone to open up about something like that.

She didn't deserve that. I would've killed Shane myself if I knew he did that to my sister. I left that memory with more tears. I continued on the oath of memories until I got to the day we met Negan. The day my hatred for Negan started. The day he killed Abraham and Glenn. The day Negan took me away from my family.

I wanted this to end. I don't want to travel through memories any longer. The more I saw, the worse I felt.

I tried to get out, but I can't seem to escape. I can't continue this path of memories. I need to wake up. I have to keep trying. I have to wake up to leave this room full of memories.

It's like I'm being forced to finish the path. But if I go any further, I'll see the death of Carl. And Rick going missing. The only thing I could do was continue through. Even if I don't want to.

I was now on the day that I lost my baby. It was hard to handle when it happened and it was even harder to see it again. I will never heal from losing a baby before it's born. I had to stay strong then, and I have to stay strong now no matter how hard it is.

I continued on the path and it was the day I found out Carl died. I had to hear it from Negan. I'm still not over his death even after all these years. I let Carl go but I will never forget him.

The day we beat the Saviors was next. Me and Rick were reunited and we grieved for Carl together.

Four years passed by then and Alexandria turned into a big community with a lot more people.

Everything started to disappear. I was confused about what was happening. But I figured it out once I saw a ceiling above me and someone beside me, holding my hand.

I squeezed the hand and they looked at me. I saw that it was Rick.

"Sydney, thank God you're awake." He said, hugging me gently.

"You can't get rid of me that easily." I said, faintly smiling.

"I love you Sydney." He said.

"I love you too." I said, wincing a little.

He stood up and leaned down, placing his lips against mine. We kissed for a about a minute before he pulled away.

I then spit up blood and felt a stabbing pain in my stomach.

"Ahhh!" I screamed put in pain.

"Sydney!" Rick shouted.

"What's going on?!" A woman asked, running inside.

"I don't know. She just spit up blood and started screaming." Rick said, scared. "Please help her!" He shouted.

Everything was starting to become blurry and I can't hear the voices around me. I just saw their mouths moving. My vision soon went blank.