New Recruit

Detka (Chapter 42)

*Y/N*

I kind of hate myself, I think. I know that sounds dramatic but listen. I'm very much used to caring about people more than they care about me and having crushes that aren't reciprocated. I guess one could say I flirt heavily with people from time to time and try to be charismatic as a way to cope with the fact that I really do crave love and affirmation.

That sounds so gross, I know.

But back to why I hate myself.

My brain is fucked right now. I know I like Wanda. I had a pull towards her the second I saw her. Things have been better recently but they still are kind of weird. It's not all on her though, I could be better at being honest and telling her what I am wanting or need from her in a romantic way. But that's the thing, I don't know if I fully know what I want from her.

I'll admit it, just between us though, that I do like Yelena. The feeling I have with her is a lot different than what I have with Wanda, but whatever I do have with Yelena feels more than platonic.

It doesn't really help that in the last few weeks we have found ourselves in these... interesting situations. Case and point —

Slowly opening your eyes, you peer down at Yelena who is currently cuddled into your body. Once the two of you got home last night you did go to your separate rooms but as you were tossing and turning in your bed, trying to get yourself to sleep, a soft knock on the door pulled you out of your sad attempt at sleep. Yelena quietly came into your room and without a word went over to the side of the bed you weren't on and slid under the covers. As soon as her body was in the bed with you she took your hand and wrapped your arm over her, pushing herself into you.

Even though no words were exchanged between the two of you, everything felt as it should be. As soon as she was securely tucked into your body, you felt your mind slow down and your body get comfortable, finally allowing you to fall asleep.

I know both Wanda and Yelena have this unspoken understanding that my relationship with the two of them is more than platonic, and I am extremely lucky that both of them are ok with it. I don't think I would know what to do if I wasn't able to navigate this right now with restrictions on how to act toward the other.

But maybe that isn't fair to them?

Well, both of them have someone else they are also more than friends with. I mean Wanda claims her and Vision are nothing more than platonic but everyone knows that's not really true. And Yelena obviously has something going on with Kate.

Right now I just need to focus on this moment. The moment I have with Yelena.

All I know right now is that I'm not going to leave before she wakes up again. I learned my lesson from that already. But I am going to make us breakfast once she does wake up. Hopefully she wakes up soon though because I'm already hungry.

I wonder what she has planned for today. I know she isn't going to meet up with Kate since Kate is out of town. Maybe she would want to do something with me.

Do you think she would maybe go on a date with me? Does Yelena even do dates? What would she even like to do on a date? Dates don't really seem like her thing.

Oh, I have an idea!

Before you got the chance to finish your thought, you noticed Yelena started to stir awake. Gently rubbing her back, you help soothingly wake her up.

"Good morning." Her voice comes out raspy and tired. You smile at how sleepy she sounds and gently move some of her hair from her face.

"Good morning. I'm glad you're finally awake, I was starting to get bored." Moving your arm, you stretch to reach Yelena's shoulder as she is still cuddled into your chest, and gently start drawing random shapes and designs on her skin.