Generations Expectation's | 8th member of BTS

20

| Korean Words meaning |

Anything in regular font = Korean

Anything in Italics = English

Anything in Bold = Spanish

Anything in Bold & Italics = Any other language besides Spanish, Korean, or English

*Time Skip,Was August 2nd, now its November 15th*

6 months, and 29 days till BTS debut.

It's been a few months since I grappled with the realization that my feelings for Jungkook had transformed into something more profound.

Even though it's been over three months since I came to this understanding, a revelation that struck me shortly after returning home to Korea, I hadn't mustered the courage to articulate these sentiments to anyone, not even my auntie.

It took me a good week to wrap my mind around how I had let this happen. The concept felt peculiar, even though these emotions were my own. Since that moment, I'd like to think that things have taken on a strange undertone between us, but, truthfully, nothing had changed visibly. No one was privy to this, Jungkook least of all. For me, however, the everyday routine had become an ordeal—a continuous process of monitoring myself to ensure I didn't appear odd or out of character. It's a real challenge to maintain composure when nursing a crush; I'd often find myself stumbling into situations where I acted like an ungainly fool, struggling to maintain any semblance of control.

Each time I laid eyes on Jungkook, I could feel my heart racing. His mere proximity would set my cheeks ablaze until I was a vivid shade of crimson. He had this uncanny ability to leave me utterly flustered, my mind a whirlwind of thoughts. Meanwhile, his reactions towards me remained unchanged. He would brush off my presence, maintaining his role as the polite maknae, tirelessly focused on his responsibilities, seemingly indifferent to emotional nuances. It was exasperating, this desperate yearning for his attention that had taken root within me.

That very thought alone was enough to keep me on edge. I was teetering on the edge of becoming an obsessed fool consumed by my feelings for Jungkook, my fellow idol, my friend, and my maknae. I can't believe I was gradually transforming into one of those girls – you know, the kind who confidently claims they can maintain a platonic relationship with guys, surrounded by a close-knit group of them, only to find themselves irrationally smitten by one.

Fortunately, our increasingly busy schedules served as a silver lining for me. I hoped that with less free time, especially less time with Jungkook, I could naturally let my feelings for him dissipate. Yet, as our debut date loomed ever closer, we found ourselves perpetually engrossed in training sessions, music rehearsals, company meetings, individual practice sessions, and even our schooling. One would think such a relentless barrage of work might create some distance, but paradoxically, it seemed like I was always in close proximity to Jungkook. He was a constant presence in my life – in dance rehearsals, vocal practices, at school, and in the dorm. There was simply no evading his presence or that of the other members.

I felt like I was spiraling into a kind of madness. The daily exposure to him only seemed to fan the flames of my feelings. Rationality told me that this was wrong, that it couldn't happen, yet my heart would flutter whenever he entered the room.

Now, three months later, these emotions hadn't abated. However, I understood that this was nothing more than an unrequited crush – I hadn't allowed it to escalate beyond that point. I was itching to share this secret with someone, anyone who could provide guidance. But the dread of the possible consequences, the sheer anxiety that it could leak to the company, haunted me. The prospect of all my hard work and training going down the drain, my mother's legacy unrealized – it was a nightmarish vision. So, I kept my feelings concealed, choking on my own silence. It felt as if I were submerged in an unfathomable ocean, yearning for a helping hand, desperate for someone to guide me out of this, to tell me what steps to take. There was no guidebook for solving the conundrum of being a budding K-pop idol, training to debut in an all-boy group while harboring a profound affection for one of its members. How could I quell these emotions before they sabotaged my dreams?