Sunflower

96

His hand gripped tightly in mine as he held the other one on my back.

“Slowly Amber,” he said, feeling me grab a hold of the tree for a balance. “It’s going to take time.”

I scoffed. “James, I’m fine. I just need a breath.” I pushed myself to a stand, making Bucky’s hand slip off mine. “Just one more mile-”

“No,” Bucky said, stepping in front of me. I sighed, glaring at him. “You’ve already run about four miles. One more, and you’re out.” I leaned aside against the tree. “Wanda said that you have to be patient.”

I scoffed with a light chuckle. “And I have been. For a month. So no, I won’t be ‘patient’. I can’t exercise; you’ve literally locked me out of my lab to keep me from working; I’m always at that cabin; I can’t go into town. I am patient! More than you might think!”

Bucky sighed. “Amber. You are better than you were a few days ago. Let’s just rest for a few more minutes, then we can take the short cut home.”

I exhaled sharply, before sinking down to the uneven ground. My head rested back against the tree and my eyes closed as I took deep breaths. The sound of branches cracking filled my mind as Bucky seated himself next to me. He sighed, and I knew he turned his face to me.

“How are you holding up?” he asked, making me open my eyes again, looking forward at the dark shade around the trees.

“I’m perfectly fine,” I lied, before finally turning my face to Bucky.

He sighed. “I know that you’re not,” he said, making me look back at the shading trees. “It’s officially been five years,” he said, his eyes still on mine.

“I don’t want to think about it,” I said, sniffling.

Bucky shook his head. “I know you’re lying. She was your sister Amber. You cannot kill yourself over what happened. It wasn’t in your control and-”

“I could have saved her,” I said, my face turning to Bucky, showing a tear fall down my cheek. “I could have stayed behind, making sure she made it out safely. Instead I ran out. Without looking for her and-”

“You did what was best for your baby.”
I took a deep breath, looking into Bucky’s eyes. “But my sister-”

“She wasn’t your fault. None of it was.”

He slid his hand over mine, but I instantly pulled it away as I brought my knees up to my chest. I rested my chin down on them, as my eyes returned to the shading trees. Bucky sighed, his eyes still on me.

“Amber, please. You have to stop forcing yourself to be the bad guy. You’re not-”

“But I am!” I said as I looked at him again. “James, I am the bad guy! I left everyone. I caused my sister’s death. I am setting Dean in danger with all of this Tony shit. I am robbing Emrys of a normal life. I am the bad guy here. I am just ruining everyone’s chances of having a better life. I am-”

“No!” Bucky said as his entire body suddenly turned to me, his warm hands placed onto my cheeks. “Stop with this. You’re more than that nonsense. We betrayed you. I betrayed you. We’re all bad guys. We’re all the bad guy. Not just you.”

I exhaled, feeling how another tear fell down my cheek, but Bucky wiped it away.

“We should get home,” I whispered, before turning my face away from him, making his eyes slip off.

He sighed, before standing up. I placed my hands beside me, trying to push myself up to a stand. Pain filled my fingers, making me stop, grunting as I dropped back to the floor.

Bucky looked at me, seeing me struggle. Without a second thought, he gave his hand out, making me sigh. I took his hand, letting him pull me up to a stand. Dizziness flew over me, making me grip tightly onto Bucky’s arm as I closed my eyes, getting my balance.

“You okay?” he asked softly, and I nodded. “Just dizzy?” I nodded again. “Okay,” he whispered, before I opened my eyes again.

I nodded, and let go of his arm, before looking down, seeing it red. “Oh god,” I whispered as I gripped my hand to my chest, feeling the heat. “James, I’m so sorry,” I said in a soft whisper.

“It’s okay,” he said as he lift his hand to my cheek, but I pulled away in fear of what I could do to him again. He sighed. “Amber, it doesn’t burn as bad as before,” he said, but I shook my head.

“No,” I said, before looking into the dark shaded trees again. “We should go. It’s already dark.”

Bucky sighed as he watched me walk down the road again, but didn’t wait long before walking up to me, following next to me. We walked in silence, not even glancing at each other. Every now and then, he’d try to move closer to me, but with every step I distanced myself. I couldn’t bare touching him.