Sunflower

92

I followed after him outside, where he stopped, turning to me. “What’s up?” I asked, stepping out the door, clothing it behind me.

He sighed. “The day after tomorrow, I will be leaving. I am not on Tony’s watch list, so I can still fly.” I frowned, before he continued. “My sister is ill, so I’ll be going to her, helping my mother take care of her.”

I sighed. “I‘m sorry to hear that,” I said, placing my hand on his upper arm. “Please, let me know if you need help with anything. I’ll always be here.”

He smiled a thankful smile. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, making me smile.

Sam walked back inside, and before I could follow him, Bucky walked out, motioning his hand up, asking me to stay. I did so and sat down on a tree stem in the process.

After the door closed, Bucky sighed, walking over to me.

“Don’t go back to Steve,” he said, making me frown.

“I beg your pardon?” I asked, seeing him walk closer to me.

“Don’t go back to Steve. He doesn’t love you enough for that.”

I shook my head. “James, you can’t-”

“I know him, Amber. I have since we were kids. He doesn’t love you enough. Not enough for you to go back to him.”

I scoffed, standing up. “It’s not like I have a choice? If I ever get back with him it’s going to be for Dean. I love Steve-”

“No you don’t,” Bucky said, interrupting me. “You’re not in love with him. You know that.”

I sighed. “James. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He shook his head. “You’re wrong. I do. I do know what I’m talking about. And I also know that you don’t love him the way you say you do. And he doesn’t love you the way you say he does.” He placed his hands on my cheeks.

“Not the way I love you.” I shook my head. “Not the way you love me.”

“No,” I said, placing my hands on his chest.

“Yes,” he said, making me look him in his eyes again.

“No James. You can’t. You cannot do this,” I said, looking away from his eyes again.

“Why not?” he asked, keeping his grip on my skin.

I shook my head. “You can’t.”

“Amber, I-”

“No!” I said, taking a step back, forcing his hands to let go of my face, before meeting his eyes again. “You cannot come here, telling me that you love me, after what you have done.” I felt my voice break before I spoke further. “Everything you have done. You- you were never fair to me. You’ve never been good to me the way you were supposed to be.”

He sighed. “Amber, please. I’m not the same as I was. I- I’m ready now. Please-”

“No, not- not when I spent my whole life loving you!” I said, finally letting a few tears leave my eyes. He went silent, not being able to speak.

He sighed. “Amber, please.” He lift his hand to my cheek, but I lightly pushed it away as I reversed to the door.

“No. No- you can’t.” I looked at the sky, seeing it darken. “I’ve always loved you,” I said, meeting his teary eyes again. “I’ve been loving you James. But you’ve always had something that pushed me away. That gave me a reason to pull myself away. You- you-” I rubbed my hands over my eyes, before meeting his again. He looked upset himself. “And the moment I’m ready to leave all of that behind -all of you behind- you come here begging me to stay?” I turned to the door, walking towards it. Just before I touched the doorknob I stopped, taking a deep breath. I turned back to him one final time. “You can’t do that to me. Not when I’ve always been in love with you. You can’t just get me because you want me. You can get me when you earn me.”

With those words I turned back around, opening the door to meet Natasha’s eyes. She heard everything. Without saying anything I walked past her to my lab, where I just shut the door, staying inside. The hard drive was no longer there, making me have nothing else to work on except my portals or suit or something.