confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Elphie

Marigold sits anxiously alone, her eyes are red and tearful and she has a yellow handkerchief, that she is dabbing at her eyes.
I decide to go and sit beside her instead of attempting to resurrect a feeble conversation between my mother and Boc.
Marigold attempts to stop her sniffling when I perch myself next to her.
"Oh, Miss Elphaba." She whispers anxiously "have you any news on your sister?"
I shake my head apologetically and Marigold and I sit in silence for a few seconds.

Abruptly Glinda bursts out of Nessas room, a large smile upon her face.
Marigold and I sit up attentively.
"Nessarose needs to be taken to the Emerald city hospital for surgery." Glinda announces, I hold my breath.
Marigold clears her throat.
"Is this good news, Miss Glinda?" Marigold mutters.
Glinda nods her head excitedly.
"It's the first step to Nessa getting out of bed." Glinda exclaims, "but she's nervous."
Glinda continues to witter and I push past her into Nessas room, she and doctor tip are staring at me but Nessa is the first to speak.
"Elphaba." She mumbles, merely acknowledging my existence.
"Glinda says you need surgery?" I question, I know that it's true but it would be comforting to hear my sister say it.
"I've picked up an infection." Nessa states dryly "hence all my coughing."

I go to speak but think better of it, instead Nessa pipes up again.
"Is marigold okay?" She whispers gently, her face seeming ever so worried.
"She worries for you, ness" I reply truthfully.
My sister nods and begins to cough again, her eyes fill with tears.
"She's a lovely person" my sister splutters through her tears.
"When are you going to hospital?" I ask cautiously.
Nessarose shrugs and tilts her head towards Tip, who ponders for a brief moment before answering.
"We were hoping this afternoon." She replies.
My sisters face drops, though she quickly conceals it, I notice her poise falter.
I know how much my sister hates the hospital.
I can't even imagine how scared she must be for surgery.

My sister closes her eyes and begins to breathe softly, I get the sense that she wishes she could be alone.
After a few minutes of silence, Tip pulls me over to the other side of the room.
"Nessarose having this surgery is risky." Tip whispers, "the surgery itself is simple, but the recovery can be difficult."
I nod my head, though I'm unsure as to what Tip means.
"What can I do?" I ask, cautiously peering over my shoulder towards my sister, her eyes still closed gently.
"Once we've taken your sister, clean the bed and the sheets." Tip begins, "Miss Nessarose will have to lie in a very specific position for a while so it's important that we make the bed as comfortable as possible. She shouldn't be left alone either though I know she'll want to."
I listen as tip continues to list off rule after rule and I begin go worry about this surgery.
Not the procedure itself, but how Nessa will take to being cooped up again.
Though I'm sure she can manage.

"What has become of marigold?" Tip asks suddenly, I can tell she cares for a friend very much and she cares absolute the impact that marigold makes on my sister.
"She's out in the hallway." I reply in a whispered tone, hoping to not upset my sister by talking about it, "I think she became too upset by Nessarose."
Nodding her head, Tip sighs softly, she turns to look at my sister for a brief moment before twisting back towards me.
"Marigold is going to be the one accompanying her eminence to the hospital." Tip mentions hesitantly "it's important that you stay here and have miss Nessarose's room cleaned, we can't risk her being uncomfortable until her scar has began to heal."

I'm slightly afraid to admit that the idea of my sister going into surgery doesn't scare me but that what will happen afterwards does.
I haven't quite yet comprehended that my sister tried to take her own life and I don't think I every will.
Everyone's reacted so differently; boc is angry at everyone, mother won't stop crying, Glinda is skittish and I have to be the strong one again.
A part of me knows that I'm not the strong one and longs to let everyone else know that too.

Thinking about this deeper, marigold may be my only chance at getting my sister to open up to me, I'm sure once Nessa has had her surgery and is allowed out of bed that she should start to feel better.
I say that I'm sure.
I'm not sure, I really don't know, and I'm scared that Nessa might not ever be happy again and I'm not sure how to live with that.
Marigold hasn't come back to visit Nessa since she ran out and I'm starting to worry that she won't, perhaps being with my sister whilst she's so depressed has made her unable to deal with the heavy emotions in this room.
Sadness seems to hang about Nessarose like a rain cloud or like a thick fog that you can't see through.
I think Nessa is in the middle of the fog and she can't see outside of it, perhaps she doesn't want to see outside of it and she's content living a miserable life inside of her miserable fog.

I don't think she's content with it, I think she just feels so helpless that she can't change anything that she's stopped trying, though I wish she'd realise that she's worth something.
Glancing over at my sister I take not that the dagger is still at her bedside, I want to move it because looking at it fills me with hate and knowing that it's within reach of my sister fills me equally with dread.
I'm just too afraid to move it incase I upset her.
Everyone seems to just upset her.