confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

"Your eminence, are you in sound mind to be asking for something like this?" Rebecca squeaks.
I'm quite out of breath, as I spent the last of my energy dragging myself up against my headboard, so it takes me a while to answer her frantic question.
"I'm perfectly sane Rebecca." I snap after far too long of a pause.
Rebecca's face goes incredibly pale and her eyes bug out, she's terrified that I've raised my voice towards her.
"I'm sorry to offend you, your eminence, I really wasn't insinuating that you weren't collected and I just-" the girl suddenly begins to cry and I try to make myself appear less threatening.
Though, I'm not sure if I ever was threatening to begin with as I'm almost certain I look like death warmed up.
"Are you alright?" I ask gently, breathing deeply as I've almost lost all of my oxygen.
Rebecca nods through teary, red eyes and she begins to sit down on my window seat, she's pushes her knees together and presses her hands upon them forcefully.

I wasn't really inviting her to sit but I suppose I can't really leave a crying subject to go and fetch me my requests, for what kind of leader would that make me?
Rebecca stares at the floor for a few seconds, composing herself before turning towards me in order to answer my question
"Are you dying ma'am?" She splutters, catching me completely off guard.
"I asked if you were alright." I reinforce, slightly put off by her question.
Rebecca wrings her hands for a few moments before babbling another outburst.
"It's just that Franklin and Celeste are worried for your health and then you asked me to bring you that and I was just scared that-" she cuts herself off with a deep sigh, "I consider you a great friend, that's all."

Despite speaking far more to her sister than her, I can't help but take pity on her as she sobs before me.
I feel sick due to my pounding headache but I try my hardest to calm the girl down.
"Is there anything I can do?" I ask gently, though my question is stupidly vague.
"Would you let me talk with you for a while?" Rebecca asks timidly, she scrubs at her watery eyes and tries to calm herself down as I try to regulate my breathing by counting the intervals that I take shaky breaths during.
"Of course." I finally squeak out at last, needing quite desperately to take a few more hesitant breaths of air before my breathing returns to normal for a while.
"So is it true?" Rebecca asks, suddenly sounding far more brave and far more confrontational, "are you dying Ma'am?"

I clear my throat, though by now I'm much too tired to carry a conversation and I just wish that Rebecca would scurry off and fetch me what I've asked for.
"I don't know." I reply truthfully "though I'm not a well woman."
I chuckle to myself at the light manor in which I deliver my response.
Rebecca looks like she many cry again.
"Is this because of that fall you had last time?" Rebecca gasps.
I find it amusing that she's attributed my poor physical state currently to my fall off of the bed that I took two months ago.
"No no," I reassure her shakily "this I've always been unwell. This isn't anyone's fault."
I'm a liar, it is someone's fault; my sisters.
If it wasn't for what Elphaba put inside of me, then I'd probably be dead by now, dead and free from all this pain.

"How's your sister?" I ask sluggishly, I'm determined to uphold a normal conversation with Rebecca for a short while.
"Jealous. She wishes that you'd sent for her and not me." Rebecca replied, with a slight grin on her face.
She must be excited over this small insignificant triumph, I decide it best not to inform Rebecca that I only asked for her because I knew my nurse should say no to the object I require and that I was worried that Celeste too might say no.
"I'm sorry that you're unwell ma'am." Rebecca whispers.
I nod pleasantly and smile softly, hoping to bring the girl some comfort.
Though I don't understand why she cares so much, I suppose it might be my position of power or she could genuinely view me as a friend.

Silence has hung about the room for a while, I think Rebecca has taken notice of how I'm struggling to regain awake and has chosen not to disturb me.
I close my eyes for a few seconds and relish in the comforting darkness as the word outside is far too bright and far too green for my tired eyes to handle.
The young girls snivelling can be heard amongst the darkness of my eyelids and I think to myself that I wish I could stop her from feeling so strongly towards me in order to save her such grief.
I'm almost certain that Celeste would have been far more emotional and I'm not sure I could have handled that.
"Ma'am?" Rebecca questions is a whispered voice.
I open my eyes suddenly.
"Oh sorry I thought-" she mutters shakily upon seeing my open eyes "never mind."
I know what she thought, I know exactly what she thought and I know that my whole family is probably thinking the same thing; they're hoping I don't die whilst I'm not in the room.
But I heard everything when they were, that faint little beat that marigold could hear when she checked my pulse, I'm all but certain that that's my sisters gift.

Rebecca has avoided eye contact with my for a short while, I'm guessing it's because telling someone you thought they were dead, or in her case; not telling someone, is a rather awkward moment for both party's.
"Rebecca." I whisper, hoping that she will regain eye contact with me, "would you go and fetch the-"
"Yes, yes at once!" She cries suddenly, dashing off into the hallway.
I wait it's arrival like a vulture circling its prey.