confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Elphie

I'm never allowing myself to get that angry again, now that I know what I'm capable of.
When I was younger it was different, now I've hurt someone.
I've hurt my sister, the one person that needs my protection.
I keep having to leave the room because I just feel so guilty.
I'm in the hallway now sniffling when I should be in the lounge with my sister.

The front door opens, sending panic through my body.
It's Fiyero.
I rush towards hip and throw myself into his arms.
He's surprised but cradles next back.
"I thought you weren't talking," he chuckles "I was beginning to think that I'd done something wrong."
I never told him what I did.
I just didn't speak about it, I'm unsure if Albert or Mother know.
"No, it was me" I cry "it was all me."
Fiyero strokes my hair, I feel so small in his arms.

"I've done something horrible," I whisper.
Fiyero tilts my head up to meet his kind eyes.
I feel safer when I'm looking into them.
"I lost control, like that day with the lion cub." I sob, fiyero holds me tighter "but I hurt Nessa."
"I'm sure she doesn't hate you for it," Fiyero emptily reassures.
"She says she doesn't but I don't believe her, I broke her arm Fiyero, I'm that dangerous."
Fiyero shakes his head lovingly.
"All I see is my wife, my beautiful, kind and understanding wife, you didn't mean to harm her."

Reluctantly Fiyero leads me back into the lounge, I hear him gulp when he sees my sister.
I boldly march over to her and sit beside her on the sofa.
"What's the plan?" Nessa asks suddenly.
We all look amongst ourselves, unsure of what she means.
"Plan?" Mother quizzes.
Nessa nods,
"Am I allowed to go back to Shiz? Or do I have to stay here?"
There's an awkward silence that seems to last an eternity.
"The doctor didn't say anything about you not being able to go back to work." Glinda chimes.
"It's Friday," Boc says suddenly sounding desperate "you could stay the weekend, then go back home."
Nessa nods in agreement, I'm alright with this decision.

"Nessa I..." I was preparing another apology but I thought better of it.
Glinda stands up abruptly, she walks towards the sofa and sits beside Boc on the floor.
She leans back and knocks Nessas legs, one of her shoes fallsoff onto the floor.
"Oh Ness I'm so sorry I didn't mean to..."
Nessa looks down confused, and sees her shoe of the floor.
"Did you knock it off?" Nessa asks still looking confused.
Glinda suddenly realises that Nessa couldn't have felt it, she awkwardly places the silver shoe back onto Nessas foot.
Nessa leans back against the sofa and wails in pain, tears roll down her cheeks.
I watch mother squeeze Alberts hand to try and stop herself from crying too.
Nessa reaches her unbandaged hand up and scrubs viciously at her eyes.
"I'm fine!" She sniffs stubbornly, even though no one said that she wasn't.
Nessa tilts her head towards me, there's a genuine sadness in her eyes.

"Elphaba," she whispers, so quietly I can barley hear her, no one else bats an eyelid so I think she doesn't want anyone else to hear.
I subtly nod my head so she knows I'm listening.
"Elphaba I think I'm going to be sick..." she mumbles, her voice catching in her throat.
"Sick?" I exclaim worriedly.
Mother raises her eyebrows at us, I think she heard me.
"Nessarose you look awfully pale, are you feeling alright?" Mother asks cautiously.
Nessa suddenly grips onto my hand tightly,
"Elphaba, I'm going to be sick!" She cries.
I jump into action and pick her up gently.
I rush over to the closest bathroom.
Carefully I lean her against the toilet bowl and she clings tightly to it with her good hand.
I turn around and screw my face up as I hear Nessa vomit loudly.
When she's finished I hear a loud thud then a scream, I turn around briskly to see her laying on the floor, clutching her slinged arm with her other one.
I sit on the floor beside her and pull her up so she's leaned against my side.

Nessa laughs feebly.
Glinda pops her head around the door.
"Everything alright?" She asks, obviously knowing that it isn't,
"I don't feel sick anymore," Nessa chuckles emptily.
"Do you think you may be concussed?" Glinda asks, Nessa shrugs in response.
I feel awful, I've broken her arm, I've slammed her into the floor.
She seems fairly content with me but it will soon wear off.
She'll realise how miserable she is when she can't use her chair properly.
I know that Boc wants to talk to me, I'm hoping that he's not going to ask my permission to love Nessarose.
He already ruined it by telling her outright.
She'd still hate me if I hadn't stopped talking to people, I hurt her.
In more ways than one I've hurt her.

She's in bed now, Glinda put her there, be not been in her room yet, I'm just waiting for Glinda to come out and talk to me before I talk to Boc.
Finally she emerges from the doorway.
"Is she okay?" I ask frantically, Glinda suddenly scowls.
"How?" Glinda whispers harshly "how could you let it get that bad?"
I feel myself stop breathing, the air tightens in my lungs.
"Elphaba do you realise what you've done? She's still angry but now she's scared to be, she knew it was going to happen before you let it out, she was ready." Glinda hisses "I don't understand you anymore, you've changed."
I don't know what to say, so instead I just hug Glinda as tightly as I can.
"I didn't know she was even in the room, I'd never try and hurt her like this, Glinda you know that." I sob.
Glinda holds me back gently, I wipe at my eyes.
"If what Frex said is true, about her being unwell, how do you think this will fare?" Glinda queries quietly.
I shrug.
"I don't know, but it won't be good."