confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

(This chapter takes place seven weeks after the previous one)

Everyone's gathered inside of this tiny room, as they do once a week now.
I told my family that I just simply wasn't up for a card game today, I told them it wasn't even worth coming but no one seemed to pay any notice to me.
Five weeks left.
That's what I have to keep repeating to myself, five weeks left, It doesn't feel like it's been seven weeks since I've slept so much.
Though despite all the times I've succumbed to the feeling of mass fatigue, I'm still exhausted.
The mindless nattering that everyone is doing in the room is making me sleepy, I'm not in the mood to talk so everyone's  just talking to each other.
It doesn't bother me, I just wish they were quieter.
Doctor Tip has visited twice throughout the past seven weeks, once during week four and another time during week six.
My ribcage doesn't hurt anymore so that's a positive, Tip still seems to think that I need these next five weeks in bed so I'm not going to argue.
Apparently my rib is about two weeks away from full repair and my leg is around three weeks away.
So these last few weeks are what really count in ensuring that I make a full recovery, or at least that what my sister keeps saying.

"I feel we've had a lucky escape" I hear Albert roar with laughter, my efforts in blocking out the loud conversation are proving to be frivolous.
"Ah, why's that?" Fiyero asks cheerfully.
I pick up on Albert clearing his hoarse throat.
"With our Nessarose not wanting to play cards" Albert chuckles "I can't lose again"
I hear my family chorus into laughter.
"Shame." My sister replies sarcastically "I wouldn't have minded winning again."
I can't help but feel guilty, our family card games were really starting to bring us all together.
Elphaba has always been very competitive, but she's nothing compared to my father, Frex used to have poker nights with other governors from different county's and he'd almost always win, sometimes he'd bring me along and all the other governors would stare at me and talk to me as if I was stupid, but whenever father won and I was a accompanying him, he'd always say I was his lucky charm.
"Nessa, I'm just thinking, didn't you used to play poker with father?" My sister enquires just as I'm thinking of it.
"I hardly played, I was about nine." I reply feebly. "I just used to be spoken to by old men."
Mother looks concerned by that.
"You really don't all have to sit in here with me, go downstairs and play some card games, you don't need me to play a card game." I mumble, desperate to get some sleep and to not dampen my family's mood.
"Nonsense Nessa!" I hear Glinda cry "it's not family time if your not here."
I don't feel very present if I'm honest.

"I wouldn't want you to be alone." Boc whispers, I smile to myself.
"So it's settled." Mother announces "everyone's staying."
I'm not sure why everyone's being so protective, I've been alone before, I've even been left alone these past few weeks so I'm not sure what the problem is.
Though in a way I do find it sweet that my family would want to spend time with me despite the fact that I'm not really doing anything noteworthy.
However I'd kill to just be left alone for a bit, occasionally the room will go silent and I'll bask in the peace.
But only for a moment since it's never too long before Albert breaks the silence and the conversation resumes again.
"What does everyone fancy for dinner tonight?" Fiyero calls, clapping his hands eagerly.
The room ponders before someone answers.
"The pasta dish that you make last week was wonderful" My mother comments, the rest of the room seems to agree.
"What do you fancy, Nessarose?" Fiyero asks me.
I'm slightly startled at the use of my name as I was merely observing the conversation as white noise.
"I'm not too bothered." I reply meekly and the mindless conversation continues.

I feel awfully disconnected, like I used to as a child, no one was talking to me, everyone is talking at me.
I hate it.
People take a tone too, a condescending, belittling, squeaky tone.
They do it because they think I'm stupid, because they think that by slowing down their words and over annunciating every syllable that they've made poor pathetic Nessarose's life just that tiny bit easier.
The truth is I don't need people to talk to me as if my ears don't work because my ears work perfectly fine and so does my brain.
I've never been, nor am I now, an idiot.
Though I've always been used to starring, I hate it but I'm used to it.
My sister never got used to it, she just learnt to act as though she tolerated it.
I'm going stir crazy, being told that I can't do something just makes me want to do it a hundred times more.
I just have to keep telling myself that it's only five weeks till I can get up and bake my cake.
It will be glorious.

My sister and Boc have gotten into a debate about something, I know this because my sister is hissing sharp words at him, her voice is quiet but lethal.
Though Elphaba is rarely this quiet, I'm sure they're fighting about me and neither of them want to alert me.
Glinda is talking to my mother about flowers, mother seems to be rather keep to maintain the flow of the discussion and Fiyero and Albert are musing about spaghetti.
I have to admit I'm getting more and more awake, listening to my sister and Boc bicker is quite amusing, though I hope they don't get angry at each other.
I'll have to say something to stop it from escalating.

"I would very much like to play cards now. If everyone still wants to."