confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

Mother walks into my room briskly, startling me greatly, I was just beginning to fall asleep.
I still don't feel any better, I've been vomiting violently, and Glinda says I'm boiling like a kettle.
I assume that's her way of saying I have a fever.
I certainly don't feel  particularly hot, I've been shivering for quite some time.
And the position that I'm in isn't rally helpful.
I'm almost sat up, but not quite, I'm just high enough to see the door, but too low to make good eye contact.

I attempt to focus my eyes on my mother, in her hands she's holding something.
A small china teacup upon a saucer, it has beautiful blue flowers across it and a shiny golden handle.
Mother smiles brightly and sits down in a chair beside my bed.
I've just realised that I was alone in the room until she came in, something that I'm not supposed to be.
"Nessarose." Mother says gently, her voice seems softer than usual.
I crane my neck towards her, slowly she extends the sauce and cup towards me.
Suddenly and shakily, I reach out and grab the teacup.
I bring it close to my mouth and take a sip of the cold, refreshing water.
Then, I unsteadily put the cup back onto the plate, mother carefully she's the plate aside.

"How are you feeling?" Mother asks me gently.
I stop making eye contact and looks out at the open door before me, I can't see anyone in the hallway.
"Please just nod or something." Mother whispers sadly "oh Nessa, I know your sad."
I'm suddenly brought back to reality, I turn my heard back towards mother.
"Mum, if the doctor comes back and I'm not better, then what?"
Mother looks uneasy,
"You shouldn't have to worry about such things." Mother says uneasily, also breaking eye contact.
"Well Mother, I'm not a child anymore." I say sincerely.
Mother looks horrified.
"Yes but you're my child!" She cries out loudly, "my baby girl!"

I'm starting to worry about her.
And all this worrying is making my head hurt.
"If you need a break I get it," I say calmly "I'm sure Elphaba would love to come in"
Mother shakes her head, her eyes fill up with tears and she covers her quivering lip suddenly with her hand.
"You shouldn't have to see this," she whispers "I'm supposed to be the parent, I'm supposed to be strong."
I chuckle slowly to myself.
"Things don't work normally here."
Mother scrubs at her eyes and gazes down at me.
"All you seem to do is become sad or unwell, that's no way to live." Mother mumbles, heartbroken.
"Well." I reply slowly "it's the way of the world, you win some, you loose some."

Mother doesn't seem to find that funny, instead she looks rather upset.
I'm just fed up of feeling fed up.
There's a creaking of floorboards, I look up to see my sister marching in with a bowl in her hands.
She stands at the per side of the bed to our mother and places the bowl onto a nearby table.
I hear the familiar splash of water.
Elphie walks towards me and gently touches the side of my aching head with her cold hands.
The coldness is startling at first but, after a couple of seconds it becomes almost calming.
I'm not given long to enjoy it however, as Elphaba briskly pulls her hand away.
"You still feel hot." She grumbles, as if it's my fault.
I mean it is, all of this is my fault because I'm bad at managing myself.
I'm bad at a lot of things, like my job, keeping my family happy and having a heathy work and life balance.

Suddenly I tense up, a shockwave darts through me.
Another stinging pain in my side, I wince painfully, sinking down further into my pillows.
Mother leans closer towards me.
Elphabas learnt to be less reactive towards them, since they happen so often.
She knows how I hate being fussed over.
The splash can be heard again, followed by the sound of falling water.
I peer at my sister, who has taken a cloth from the bowl and is wringing it out.
She brings it over to my face and lays it gently over my forehead.
It's terribly cold, and is making me inversely uncomfortable.

In a way I'm glad that mother is already in the room, it makes it less hard for her to take in.
I can hear Glindas footsteps from within the hallway, they are unmistakable.
Light and quick, recently it's come to my attention that I'm very good at recognising footsteps.
I suppose when you don't make your own, you start to pick up others.
They are all quite distinctive.
Elphabas are quick yet controlled, Alberts are slower more disconnected, Fiyero walks with great gusto and so on.
It's fairly entertaining.
Elphaba and mother are talking but I'm not really listening.
Glindas footsteps are nice to focus on.
I envy Glinda in many ways, she's beautiful, everyone loves her.
I wish I could meet a new person without having to explain that I'm not the horrible person I was.
At one point I would have envied Glinda for having Boc wrapped around her finger.
But I love and appreciate Boc as a friend and nothing more, he's done so much for me.

Thinking of footsteps again, there's almost like a pattern, like a song.
Some people walk on every beat of the some, some miss a few and some people walk completely out of time and it's easier to tell who they are.
Mother and Elphabas conversation grows louder, someone calls my name urgently.
"Yes?" I respond with the same urgency in my voice,
"Ness we've been talking to you for ages, we thought you'd fallen asleep." Elphaba says removing the cloth from my head.
"I was listening." I mumble.
"Well clearly not to us," Elphaba replies, sounding almost hurt.
"No, to the footsteps, Glindas footsteps." I answer slowly, "it's quite hypnotic."