confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

I have never ever felt sick like this in all my life.
My vision is blurred and my hearing is highly impaired, it sounds like someone has their hands over my ears and I hate it.
My head pounds and my world spins.
Loud stumbling footsteps approach my bed but I can't register who it is.
I shut my eyes tightly and hope for the spinning and pounding to stop.
"Nessa!" Elphaba cries "Nessa wake up."
I force my eyes open, everyone is staring at me.
Wonderful.
"Nessa, are you feeling alright?" Glinda coos.
I can't answer, I can barley hear anything and everything is blurry.
My sister gestures to someone behind her, there's lots of moving about and shuffling around.
"What's happening?" I croak, finally able to get some words out.
"We came up to check if you were okay, you've been asleep for hours," Glinda whispers, her voice coming from very close by my head.
"Well for my first time drinking in years I'd say I feel dreadful." I rely dryly.
"Headache?" Someone asks.
"Yes, very much so." I snap.
Someone chuckles beside me.
"Your first hangover!" Mother cries.
I hear Elphaba shout something at her.
"Can everyone just get out and leave me be!" I shout, there's scuffing sounds and harsh whispers, then the room goes silent but I'm fully aware that someone is sat in an armchair just outside of my view.

"I said everyone" I bark,
"Sorry" Bocs familiar voice calls "but I'm not going anywhere."
I smile at his sweet gesture despite the fact that my head the throbbing.
"Are you going to try to sleep, Nessarose?" Boc asks politely.
I sigh deeply.
"Can you cut my head off." I whine "please."
Boc chuckles to himself.
"As long as all that's wrong with you is a hangover then I think your fine" he replies.
I watch as the ceiling starts to spin, I close my eyes tightly, forcing it to stop.
"I feel my father would be disappointed if he could see me now." I whisper "I'm doing everything wrong in his eyes."

I hear the chair that Boc is sitting on creak and he steps towards me, carefully he lifts me out of bed and into my chair.
I rest my head in my hands and hope for this pounding headache to cease.
"I didn't ask you to do that" I complain.
Boc crouches down in front of me.
"I'm going to go and get you a drink of water, are you okay to be in here on your own?"
I nod furiously.
"Yes, just go."
Boc does as he's told but as soon as he leaves, mother enters.
She gasps when she sees me and runs towards me.
"Nessa? You really shouldn't be out of bed!" Mother cries, exhausting my headache and my ears.
"Mother please." I beg "lower your voice, my ears are ringing"
It's suddenly come to my attention that this room has carpet on the floor and not wood, and that the carpet looks so very very soft.
Mother stars to cry and quickly shoots out of the way when Boc arrives with my water.

I quickly swallow it down and then grab his arm.
"Boc." I mumble, "lie me on the floor."
"Wouldn't you rather be in bed?"
"No, the floor look comfy, please."
Mother stands up to protest but Boc has already placed me on to the overly soft carpet.
He's sat crossed legged beside me and has one of my hands in his, soon my sister rushes in and upon spotting me on the floor thinks the worst.
"Is she okay?" My sister cries.
"Can everyone stop shouting," I huff, "my headache is starting to leave and I don't want it back!"
My sister and mother both mumble apologies.
My sister crouches on the floor beside me.
"Why are you on the floor ness?" she asks loudly.
"Because it's comforting" I reply bluntly.
"Are you still drunk?"
"Are you still here?" I snap, "I asked everyone to leave me alone, can anyone in the family follow simple instructions?"

My sister places a hand on my shoulder, I sigh angrily.
"I'll go, but I'm not leaving you on the floor." Elphaba says firmly.
"Why's that?" I ask grumpily "it's not like I'm going to go anywhere."
My sister sighs loudly, I don't know why I'm being so horrible but I'm just so fed up of this headache and I'm wishing that I could have that bubbly feeling back again.
"Boc, can you tell her that she can't stay on the floor? because you seem to be the only person that my sister doesn't despise currently."
Elphaba picks me up and thrusts me back into my chair, she begins to march out of the room and I follow her closely behind.
"Elphaba" I snap "don't pick me up like I'm some kind of doll!"
My sister takes no notice of my shouts and runs down the stairs, knowing that I can't follow her.
"Your insufferable sometimes Elphaba!" I shriek down the staircase.

Shortly after I return to the room, mother is sat down, wringing her hands.
I know she looks terribly young but her face looks so tired.
Tired of me no doubt.
"Mother if you have something to say, then say it" I huff.
"You were terribly rotten to your sister," mother mumbles.
Boc gives me a sad look as he exits the room.
Mother turns to look at me again.
"Your sister didn't deserve that." Mother snaps "when did you stop having any respect for her?"
"Now that's not true" I cry.
"Nessarose I love you so much and I know that your tired of hurting but you have to stop being angry with everyone, it's not everyone's fault that your unhappy." Mother stops suddenly.
"No it's not" she mutters "because it's my fault, I let Frex give me the milk flower, I ruined your life before you were even born."
At that moment it hits me, mother has used that work to describe me before.
Ruined.
"So now you admit it," I whisper underneath my breath "I am ruined to you, I'll always be viewed as your greatest mistake."
"No Nessarose it's not like that!" Mother cries.
"Isn't it? I bet you never wanted to make up for all the time we lost, you just wanted to convince yourself that I wasn't a complete waste of your life, you died to birth me and then what? I came out all wrong, isn't that right?" I'm so furious with everyone, mother, my sister but most of all I'm angry with myself.

Mother is right, I do take my anger out on everyone but most of all I take it out on myself.
Mother gets up from her chair to put her arm around me but I hastily push myself backwards.
"Don't touch me!" I shout, "don't come anywhere near me."
I start to leave the room.
"Nessarose, where are you going?"
"To apologise to my sister and get out of this stupid house, if that's alright with you."