confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

Upon opening up my eyes I'm greeted to a familiar surrounding but one that I did not fall asleep in.
I must be dreaming again.
I'm inexplicably back at Munchkin Manor, I'm sat in my chair just outside of my childhood room.
There's a faint crying sound coming from the room.
Everywhere is icy cold, dark and seems oddly unsettling, these dreams are getting more and more vivid, showing me parts of my life that I do not wish to see.
To make matters worse, it's showing me them from outside of my perspective.

The crying sound becomes louder, I hear a stirring sound coming from down the opposite side of the hallway.
Fathers room.
I push myself into my bedroom.
An infant is crying miserably in its bed, trashing its arms about and screwing up its face with discomfort.
A young Elphaba scurries out of her bed to console the baby.
She looks absolutely shattered, but she moves almost without sound, compared to the balling child she is sat with.
Elphaba gently places her hand upon the babies stomach, I push myself closer and watch as the baby continues to cry but grips into Elphabas hand with one of its own.
It doesn't take me long to work out that the infant is me.
A long, long time ago.
"Oh Nessarose please don't cry," Elphaba whispers tearfully "it's okay, I'm here."

Elphaba makes a shushing sound but young me still continues to cry.
"Please father will hear you and I'm not supposed to touch you when your in bed."
I Remember Elphaba telling me about that, father would not let her go anywhere near me when I was in bed as a baby, I'm assuming what I'm seeing took place before father placed Elphaba in charge of my care.
I hear Elphaba start to cry too.
"Nessa I don't know how to make you feel better, are you hungry? Cold? Hurting?"
I'm not even sure of what my tiny self wanted.
I am a horrifyingly small baby.
"Nessa it's okay, I'll work it out." Elphaba sniffs.
But I continue to cry, I can see my sister growing more and more upset and desperate to make me stop crying.

Eventually she gives up trying to make me stop crying by simply talking to me, she scoops me up in her arms and I almost immediately stop crying.
I know that she was forbidden to pick me up at that time.
I watch as she stares down at me, her eyes full of love and tears.
"Isn't that better?" She coos softly "your not sad anymore are you?"
Elphaba smiles softly and plants a kiss onto my tiny forehead.

The room seems to stay untouched, but the figure of my sister holding me seems to melt away into the floorboards.
Until the room is empty of people accept for me, I push myself about the room again until I hear a voice from the hallway.
"Elphaba, have you ever wondered about love?" My unmistakable voice asks, eagerly.
I glance at the doorway as my sister pushes me into the middle of the room, she goes and sits on her bed and pulls o it a book but doesn't start to read it.
I see myself go over to my mirror and begin to brush my hair.
"Well," I pry "do you not every think about love?"
Elphaba sighs.
"I don't have time for it, I'm uninterested in boyfriends." Elphaba reply's bluntly.

Young me seems to be irritated by this boring answer.
"Well, lets think about it now." Young me exclaims excitedly.
Elphaba rolls her eyes,
"Alright, I'm hideous, green and no one will give me the time of day to get to know me like that, happy Ness is that the love you wanted to talk about?" Elphaba snaps angrily.
I watch as my lip quivers, I look like I'm going to burst into tears at any moment, Elphaba looks on edge.
"Sorry I asked," I mumble glumly, angrily I push myself out of the room.
Elphaba jumps to her feet.
"Ness wait, I'm sorry!" She cries chasing after me.

The room and it's inhabitants seem to shift again, a new scene of my life is shown in front of me.
For some unknown reason I'm not in the room, I'm unsure how I'm even being shown this as I'm not there, father is stool with his head against the wall, he looks tired and tearful, My sister is stood near him but a significant distance away.
I'm starting to think that these aren't just dreams of my memories, I think they are visions perhaps from my father, ghosts have strange abilities that aren't spoken about, perhaps this is one of them.

Elphaba seems around four or five, meaning that I, where ever I am, am around one or two years old.
"Father," Elphaba mumbles timidly, she's an unsurprisingly well spoken child, so well in fact that you almost forget that she's only about four.
"where's Nessarose?"
"In the hospital." Father responds emptily "please, no more questions."
Elphaba takes a shaky step forward, I hold my breath.
Scared that father may lash out or say something horrible.
"Are they going to make Nessa better?" Elphaba questions, "what are they doing to her?"
A tear rolls down my cheek, I carefully wipe it away and anxiously await father response.
"Your too young to understand, go and bother the staff Elphaba." He growls.
Elphaba looks around nervously.
"Is Nessie going to come home soon?"

Father stands up abruptly, he towers over Elphaba, suddenly he whips his wad around to look out of the doorway.
"Delores!" He cries, bursting into tears, he quickly scrubs them away and tries to compose himself before a plump brunette woman wearing an apron walks in.
I'm assuming she's a member of our house staff, Though I don't recognise her.
"Everything alright governor?" The woman's voice is hearty and full.
"This child is asking too many questions." He grumbles tearfully, pushing past Delores and storming out to his study.
He didn't even say Elphabas name, the the child.
Delores looks and Elphaba and sighs,
"Your troublesome for only a small chick." She hums.
Elphaba looks sad.
"Is Nessa ever going to get better?"
Delores shakes her head solemnly.
"I'm afraid not Miss Elphaba."
Elphaba gasps and quickly covers her mouth.
"But I'm sure that when Miss Nessarose comes home you can play with her."
Elphabas eyes light up at the woman's words.
"But you must wait until she's a bit stronger first so that you don't hurt her."
Elphaba looks exited.
"I'll wait, I'll wait for her and I'll never hurt her or make her cry!" She proudly exclaims.
I feel myself becoming dizzy, like everything isn't quite right.
I feel myself slip out of the dream, every so slowly.