confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Elphie

I'm a terrible sister, Nessa deserves better, I just can't seem to do anything right for her and I hate it.
But I'll keep trying because I refuse to give up on her.
Just as I'm thinking this my sister and Boc appear in the doorway, I leap form my seat and run other to her, throwing my arms around her.
"Nessa!"
"Elphie, I came to apologise." Nessa announces "I've been cruel to you and I'm sorry, you were just trying to help and I threw it into your face, I'm sorry."
I hug my sister even tighter and reluctantly she holds me back.
"Oh Nessa," I sob "I'm sorry too, "your a grown woman and I forget that sometimes, you're perfectly capable of making decisions for yourself and I'm sorry that I ignore that sometimes,"
Nessa turns to talk to Fiyero and Boc pulls me aside.

"She's has a terrible fight with your mother." Boc whispers "I'm not sure either of them are alright."
"Oh," I reply slightly surprised "are you two heading back to Shiz?"
"I'm worried for her," Boc mumbles "but I think that's what Nessa wants to do, I can't stop her from leaving."
I think for a second, Bocs right but I am worried about my sister.
"I promise I'll take care of her." Boc says sincerely.
"I know you will" I reply, hoping that I don't start to cry.
Abruptly mother bursts into the lounge followed by an anxious and out of breath looking Albert.
"Nessarose, are you" mother gasps catching her breath, my sister scowls a terrible frown.
"Leaving? Yes" Nessa says bluntly "oh but don't worry! I'm a big girl and I don't need to help to push me out of the lounge."
Nessas practically shouting now, whatever it was that they were fighting about a few seconds earlier, it must have been bad.

Boc walks over and puts his arms upon my sister's shoulders.
I watch my sister breath heavily for a few moments before mother speaks again.
"You know what I meant Nessarose, you know I didn't mean it like that."
Tears spill down my sisters face as she shakes Bocs arms off of her.
"I spent my whole life knowing that it was me who killed you!" Nessa cries "and I spent everyday having people tell me that I reminded them of you. I waisted so much time wishing that you knew me and hoping that you were proud of me. Every single day I was reminded that people had me and not you, why, why can't you just love me without feeling like I'm some horrible tragedy?" Nessa takes a deep breath and glares strongly at mother who refuses to cry, though I can tell she wants to.
I want to.
I hate hearing my sister sounding this upset but I can't do anything about it.
"Nessarose I... I..." mother stammers until finally, Albert grabs her arm and stops her.
"Melena, give Nessarose some breathing room" he mumbles, tugging mother's arm tightly.
Furiously, Nessa pushes past mother out into the hallway.
I follow her suddenly.

When I arrive outside, my sister is a sobbing wreak.
"Ness?" I call nervously, my sister extends her arms out towards me and without thinking, I dash into them and begin to hold my sister tighter than I ever have before.
"I'm done!" Nessa splutters "I'm done making an effort, it's hopeless"
I hold my sister steadily and hope that she's going to be okay.
"She doesn't speak to you like your some stupid child!" My sister cries "because she views you as competent."
"You know that mother loves you," I say sternly "she cares about you so much but she's just using all the wrong words."
Without warning Nessa pushes herself out of my arms and glares at me.
"The wrong words?" She cries "she makes me feel like I'm some kind of defect!"
Now Nessa knows how ive felt my entire life, but I suppose she hasn't learned to deal with it like I have but the words she's saying resonate with me heavily and I'm close to tears.
Though I can't sympathise completely, mother never said anything like that to me in the three years that she was alive.
"She spent so much time wishing she could get to know you Ness," I mumble, trying to make her feel better.
"But that's just it!" She cries "I was so horrible to her and I beat myself up about it and now I realise how much time I've wasted and I'm sick of it."
Boc rushes out into the hallway, spotts my  sister, and rushes towards her.
"Nessa, are you alright?" He asks shakily.
"I will be" Nessa snaps "as soon as I get out of this horrible place."
Boc subtlety hands my sister her spell book and the two of them lock hands.
We say our goodbyes quickly and with that she's gone.

I retreat back into the lounge.
Mothers sobbing, my husband is nowhere to be seen and Albert has is arms around my mother.
Alberts eyes light up when he sees me.
"Elphaba, you don't hate your mother, do you?" He asks.
I take a deep breath.
"No, I couldn't." I reply. "Mother whats going on with you and Ness?"
Mother separates herself from Alberta grip and sits herself down on the sofa, I swiftly join her.
"There is something wrong with her" mother says shakily "and I won't sit here and say that there isn't."
"Melena!" Albert cries.
"Well there is." Mother snaps "she's the only child in Oz who never learned to walk, she's miserable all the time and I'm not saying this to be horrible because that's my baby and I wouldn't have wished this on my worst enemy but I can't lie and say that she's perfectly normal when she's not." Mother folds her arms.
She's completely correct but I'd never say it.
"Mother you weren't there," I say solemnly.
"And you think I don't know that Elphaba?" She puts her head in her hands and leans forward "I'd give up anything to go back in time and spend my days with her."

Something suddenly hits me and I'm overcome with rage.
"And what about me?" I ask "I'm the one you left, I'm the one who was ridiculed my entire life, mother you were the only one who didn't immediately hate me."
"Elphaba but you're not..." mother begins.
"Everyone loved her!" I bellow cutting her off "everyone forgets that I was there too, I was there carrying her up and down the stairs, listening to her sob when there was nothing I could do about it, letting Frexpar berate me for not looking after my sister enough and hearing everyone else complement how beautiful she was."
I breathe heavily for the longest time, mother and Albert remain silent for a while.
The whole room seems to be sad, the air we're breathing is melancholy.
"But the thing is" I whisper "she had everything but she's still worse off than me."
Mother turns to me and puts her hand on my shoulder.
"Your a brave girl Elphaba, your my brave girl" she smiles sadly "and I'm sorry that I died, I'm sorry that you held Nessarose all by yourself for most of the time, but I'm so grateful that you did."
I lean myself again my mother and just let myself feel happy for a moment.