confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

I've never been so afraid of my sister in all my life, she seemed different, less composed.
Perhaps it's me, in probably the problem but it doesn't help that I can't think straight whilst my thoughts are all scrambled.
"Mother," I croak, her face appears in my vision "I really should call Doctor Tip back but I know Boc won't let me get back out of my bed"
"Your right, he won't"Boc chuckles from the other side of my room "but it was a nice try though."
I sigh loudly, I feel significantly better, though I probably don't look it.
"I feel a lot better." I remark "a bit sore but nowhere near as awful"
Glinda also steps into view.
"Well that's wonderful Nessarose," she chirps.
I think for a moment, I long to get out of bed but I'm sure that Boc won't let me.

"What if I get up and you just put me in the arm chair of the lounge?" I ask.
"No Nessa," Boc replies, he sounds so tired "can you stop being so persistent, my love"
Him saying I'm his love really throws me for a moment, I completely forget that I'm supposed to be wanting to get out of bed.
"And what if I just"
"Tomorrow," Boc commands, cutting me off "if you wait till tomorrow, then you can sit in your arm chair but for now I want you to regain your strength and relax."
I begin to close my eyes hoping for sleep to take me but something is stopping me from completely winding down.
"Is Elphaba gone?" I ask cautiously.
"Yes my darling," mother whispers "rest now."
"I don't want to see her" I whimper "ever again"
Mother nods.
"Close your eyes Nessarose."

I open my eyes suddenly, the room is glowing golden from the sun, it's beautiful really, I can't imagine anything else.
I can't see anyone but Boc here.
"Did everyone leave?" I whisper,
Bocs footsteps tap gently towards my bed.
"I told them to, your mother looked exhausted and I think Glinda needs to talk to your sister." He replies softly, "but I'm here."
I yawn daintily and smile up at him.
"Boc, can I get up now?" I ask softly.
Boc smiles back at me but quickly wipes it away.
"I called the doctor whilst you were asleep." He says solemnly, "She said that if you insist on getting out of bed during a flare up then your under strict rules."
"Rules?" I question if I've heard him correctly.
Boc strokes the side of my face gently with his hand, I blush slightly.
"Nothing too strenuous or exhilarating, not until you feel significantly better."
I'm still mildly puzzled.
"So that means..." I mumble deliriously.
"It means that I'm in charge," Boc chuckles.
"I hate you" I lie bluntly.
"No you don't," Boc grins, scooping me up and placing me into my chair, I go to seize the wheels with my hands but Boc waggles a finger at me.
"Far too strenuous" he reprimands "not whilst your shoulders are still in that state"
"You sound like a doctor," I complain as he pushes me through my office and into my lounge. "If I can't do anything then what's the point in even getting up"
Boc sits on the sofa in front of me.
"Did you know that I wanted to be a doctor," he says excitedly "I studied medicine at Shiz and I was going to study at the doctors surgery that you frequented so much as a child."
But then I stopped him, I stole his dreams out from under him.

"Nessarose can I ask you something?"
"Always" I reply eagerly.
Boc sighs deeply.
"If it was your sister telling you to not do anything, you wouldn't listen in the slightest, why listen to me?" He asks.
I start to panic upon hearing any mention of my sister.
"Please can we not talk about her." I sob "I don't want to think about her!"
Boc suddenly hugs me tightly, a sharp pain rushes through my shoulders.
"Boc, stop, your hurting me." I cry.
As quickly as he wrapped his arms around me, he retreats back to the sofa.
"Nessarose I'm so sorry I didn't mean to upset you and I didn't mean to hurt you," he rambles, getting progressively more flustered as the sentence passes.
"Sorry for shouting." I mumble "I'm just not ready to think about my sister yet."
Boc nods slowly.
"How are you feeling?" He asks tenderly.
I think for a second.
"I'm okay." I reply bluntly "my shoulders hurt, but I'm okay."
I sound very confident because I feel fine now, but moments earlier I would have accepted death.
"Do you really feel fine? Or are you just trying to please me?" Boc asks cautiously.
I chuckle to myself.
"No I really feel fine, I made such a fuss earlier and now I feel as good as new." I mumble "it's strange."
"I'm just glad your alright." Boc says sweetly.
I begin to worry, if my pain really is chronic the that means it will always come back.
"Boc what if this is our lives forever?"
"You mean at shiz?" he asks.
"No, I mean me getting sick all the time and lashing out at everyone. It's not fair on anyone." I babble.
Boc tilts his head to one side.
"I don't care Nessa, as long as every time you get sick I'm the one here with you."
I feel myself blush, I'm never going to love anyone else other than Boc.

I'm beginning to worry about my sister, I'm so desperate to not fight with her, but what she's done is inexcusable, intentionally or not she's absolutely terrified me and I can't just get over that.
I do think that I should go and talk to her, calmly, though I'm making to promises to myself.
I cannot trust myself to not lash out at my sister.
I need to learn how to control my emotions.