confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

They are stood here, in my office, bombarding me with questions about something I specifically told him not to talk about.
Every time I try to keep something private.
Elphaba, Fiyero and Boc all crowing around my desk and asking questions as if I owe them answers.
I don't.
"Nessa if you don't tell us anything we can't help you."
I've had enough.
"Well maybe I don't want your help." I snap back at my sister.
Boc opens his mouth to speak but I don't fancy getting angry at him since he currently lives with me.
"There's a class that you need to teach in half an hour, I suggest that you go and prepare."
Boc agrees silently and snakes out of the room.

I'm left glaring at Elphaba and Fiyero.
"Boc said your not sleeping properly."  Elphaba insists.
Fiyero steps forward.
I glance up at him, I'm so desperate to lay my head in my hands but I fear that showing any signs of fatigue would prove unhelpful to me.
"You look tired," Fiyero says, not helping my cause "are you having trouble sleeping? Or are you deliberately staying awake?"
I think for a moment, do I answer and admit that I'm terrified to fall asleep because of the visions of my childhood or, on the other hand I could continue to shut everything out and try and handle this on my own.
I'm not handling it very well but that's not the point.

I decide to do something drastically different.
"You want me to go to sleep? Fine." I bark "use a sleeping spell on me, I don't care."
Elphaba looks stunned at my angry response, Fiyero looks anxiously at me.
Elphaba whips the Grimmere out from underneath her thick, black cloak.
"Elphaba!" Fiyero cries "you can't do this, what if it goes wrong?"
I raise my an eyebrow at my sister.
"Do you want to do it here or shall we go into the lounge?" I ask forcefully.
Elphaba takes a step back as I angrily push past her into the lounge.
"This is crazy!" Fiyero exclaims.
I don't want to go to sleep, the idea absolutely terrifies me.
I don't want to have another dream or vision or whatever it is.
But I'm feeling spiteful, she has no right to just come here and force answers out of me like this.

"Go on then." I mutter "put me on the sofa."
Elphaba thrusts the Grimmere into Fiyeros arms, he reluctantly takes it.
My sister picks me up and I refute eye contact, gently, she places me onto the sofa.
I look up at her resentfully, as she takes the spell book back from Fiyero.
Elphaba opens it, when suddenly Fiyero grabs her arm.
"Elphaba why are you doing this? Just so she will sleep for a few hours? It's ridiculous." Fiyero sounds genuinely angry.
I didn't think that Elphaba would go through with the spell, but as I watch her sift through the pages of the book, I know that she will.
"Ready?" Elphaba asks.
Silently, I nod my head.

I hear my sister mutter unintelligible words as my eyelids feel heavy, slowly they flutter closed.
I head seems to spin, in fact everything is spinning.
I look about myself, im falling.
Falling down a deep deep tunnel, air rushes past my face and throws my hair in all different directions.
I let out a frantic scream.
Then I hit the ground with a loud thud, accept I'm not on the ground, I'm in my chair.
Im in an unfamiliar corridor, the walls are a dusty beige whilst the carpet is a dingy green.
It feels like I should know where I am, but I don't.
The hallway is lined with various doors, each having a golden plaque on them, tiny letters are engraved but I can't make them out as I'm too far away.

The door at the end of the hallway opens and the familiar face of my father peers round, he looks delighted to see me and takes great strides until finally he's reached me.
"You came." He exclaims merrily "I was beginning to think you were avoiding me".
I'm stunned, I don't know what to say.
"F...father" I croak under my breath.
"No need to speak Nessarose," father announces "we have things to see before you wake up."
In an instant father has walked around me and seized the handle on my chair, he begins to push me towards the first door on the left.
Normally I'd complain about someone pushing me uninvited but since I have no idea where we are going or what we are doing, I don't make a fuss.

I'm close enough to the door to be able to see what's written on it.
On the gold plaque are the words.
'She's amazing."
Father pushes me towards the door and it opens by itself.
Inside of the room is an exact copy of my childhood room.
Father turns me around and stands next to me in the corner.
The door is shut again.
I'm utterly confused.
"Father I don't understand" I shudder "why am I here?"
Frexpar places a reassuring hand upon my shoulder.
"Calm down Nessarose, try not to stress."
His sincere tone does not relax me in the slightest.
"Wait, they're coming soon." Father says ominously.

The door to the room flys open and I see my younger self being pushed in by my sister, she takes me into the middle of the room and then rushes out into the hallway.
"Close your eyes Ness!" Elphaba calls from down the hallway.
I watch myself cover my eyes with my hands and smile excitedly.
Elphaba scampers back into the room, a cardboard box in her hands, she places it onto my lap and I watch as she stands back with the biggest smile on her face.
"Open your eyes, open your eyes." Elphaba squeals, practically jumping up and down.
Slowly I take my hands away from my eyes and open the box.
I watch myself carefully lift out the contents as the box falls off of my lap and onto the floor.
It's a little doll, with beautiful brown hair.
The doll that I would later in life drop down the stairs.

Elphaba seems to hold her breath in anticipation, hoping that I liked the gift.
"Do you remember if you liked it?" Frexpar says, suddenly shaking me out of my head.
"I loved it." I reply, not taking my eyes off of my younger self.
Suddenly little Nessa places the doll onto her lap and pushes herself exited towards my sister, they wrap their arms around each other.
"I love it, I love it, I love it!" Ness cries, "she's amazing!"
Elphaba seems to cry with joy,
"I'm so happy that you do."

All of a sudden the room goes dark.
"What's happening?" I ask my father.
"The memory is over, shall we go to the next room?"
I don't really want to, this room has been charming and nostalgic but I'm afraid of what else I may see, father doesn't wait for my response, instead he pushes me at a steady pace back into the hallway.