confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

I open my eyes suddenly.
My surroundings confuse me, perhaps I'm dreaming again.
I was downstairs, but now I'm upstairs in mine and Elphies bedroom.
It's rather dark, like a fog is in the room, but in the small part of the room that I can see, I can definitely tell where I am.
I'm not standing this time, I'm in my chair, I hold my breath and wait anxiously for something to happen.

The fog soon starts to disappear and a very familiar person is unveiled.
The much too large wooden chair, her small skinny limbs, her neat hair, glum facial expression.
I'm staring at my former self, she seems to take no notice of me and pushes herself towards the open door,
"Elphaba!" She cries in a shrill voice.
She pushes herself back to where she was and scanned the room with her eyes.
I don't remember this.
Soon enough, the young face of my sister pokes around the door.
"Are you okay?" Elphie cries frantically.
I watch myself leans her head to one side.
"I'm bored," she wails, rolling her eyes and looking around the room, she pushes herself about and Elphaba follows anxiously behind, she stops suddenly.
"My arms hurt!" I watch myself whine "I want Father!"
Elphaba does her best to console me, she gently lays a hand on my shoulders and travels them down to my hands, that are placed firmly on my wheels.
I watch as she gently lifts them up and places them delectably onto younger me's lap.

I lean forward to get a better view of myself.
It's the strangest feeling, watching yourself.
"You should relax your arms for a bit," Elphaba commands gently "you don't want to hurt yourself."
Watch myself scowl a horrible brattish frown.
It makes me cringe to watch myself do this.
"But then I can't do anything!" Tiny Me complains, "this is so boring, I want to do something fun."

I try to focus my eyes on what's happening but the smoke returns and soon I can't see anything in the room, the hallway begins to look less cloudy, and I push myself towards the door way.
I stop suddenly, unconsciously compelled to do so.
I hear a loud scream followed by a loader crash.
I frantically push myself through the doorway and look out into the hallway, it's still dark but the fog seems to be cleared around the stair case.
I think I know what I'm about to see.
I hesitantly push myself towards the edge of the staircase and look down.
There I see my rickety wooden chair toppled over to one side, almost right next to it, I see my limp little body.
I close my eyes hurriedly but quickly open them at the sound of crying.
I look down the stairs again to see my Father crouched down beside me, he has a hand on my cheeks and the other over his eyes, he's sobbing loudly.
I watch attentively as members of our house staff crowd around my father and I.
I don't remember this, perhaps due to the fact I was unconscious.

There's a creaking sound and I look again, father has me scooped up in his arms and is carrying me oh so steadily up the stairs, I'm swift to move out of the way though I'm sure he would have just passed through me.
I follow them back into my bedroom.
I watch as father tucks me gently into bed.
I remember very specifically what happens next.
"Father," my dainty voice croaks.
He turns around to face my figure on the bed, his face full of sorrow and rage.
"Your are foolish Nessarose!" He barks "you have disappointed me today, I though you were better than this but I suppose not."
I watch as I shrink down underneath my bed covers, one of my arms shaking significantly.
"Father I" I whimper.
"I won't hear it Nessarose, you could have been killed, your wheelchair is made of solid mahogany it could have crashed upon you and shattered your fragile frame!" Father shrieks, his face contorted with rage.
"Father I'm sorry,"
I watch myself cry so very much, her eyes red and raw.
"I'm done talking about this Nessarose, your irresponsible and I do not with to be greeted with this reckless behaviour again."
And with that father storms out of the room.
I remember this next part so very clearly and I do not wish to relive it.
"No father!" I scream, "please don't leave me, I'm so sorry, so sorry I didn't mean to let you down. I'm not irresponsible, was an accident. Do you still love me?"
There's a pause, I await what I know is coming next.
"Father! Please say that you love me!" I shriek.
I've had enough, I can't watch.
I close my eyes and listen to myself scream and cry.
Soon I realise that I've joined in, both me and my former self are screaming together.

Suddenly I throw my eyes open.
I look around the room frantically, I'm in bed.
I'm back downstairs.
"Elphaba!" I cry loudly, "Elphaba, where are you?"
"I'm here, I'm right here, what's the matter?" Elphaba exclaims, jumping into my view.
I reach my good hand out of the blankets and extend it towards my sister.
I can barley see her, staring up at the ceiling isn't helping me feel any less disoriented.
"Elphaba!" I cry out again, not knowing how to explain what I just saw.
Elphaba quickly seizes my hand with hers.
"I have to get out of this house!" I sob "I can't stay here anymore."
Out of the corner of my eye I see Elphaba nodding frantically.
"Of course," Elphaba smiles faintly "just say the word and I'll take you back to Shiz myself, you just have to wait till the morning,"
The morning?
What time is it?
"How long was I asleep?" I exclaim, confused as to how I've completely lost half the day.
"Quite some time," Elphaba says gently "but it's alright, your awake now, I won't make you go back to sleep, we can stay up and talk, then in the morning I'll take you back to Shiz and everything will be fine."
This doesn't seem right, she's never this complaint with me want to go back to Shiz.
"Elphaba you promise?" I ask frantically.
"I promise, if that's what you want then that's what we'll do, just relax for a bit now."
Hopefully these dreams will stop once I get back to Shiz.
Oh goodness, I'd completely forgot that I'd said to Glinda that Boc could come back with me.
This won't go down well.