Photograph (Elizabeth Olsen Fanfic)

Chapter 31

We've been sitting here for what it seems like an hour or so just trying to get to know each other maybe to get me comfortable with the surroundings. I can see why Elizabeth told me Joan is the best therapist she had. She doesn't push into things and dig deeper and deeper until you burst. I was doing most of the talking since I sat on her couch. With Tina, she helped too but it was a tough one because she wanted me to suck it up and face everything at once so I could move on easily. Its not that easy, so I just pretend that I was having progress so I wouldn't have to visit her again and just do it on my own.

She lets me talk about what I do, what I love and basically what I like to talk about. But maybe its too soon to say that. I just hope this works because I really can't be dependent on my CBD. Yes, they help a lot but not all the time I would have to take them to just probably get through the day and that is not how I want to live my life anymore now that I have Elizabeth. I wouldn't want to be a burden to her busy life at all so might as well fix myself up for the both of us.

I was into our session and actually starting to open up but when the real purpose on why I'm even doing this was brought up I slowed down and just kept thinking what I'm suppose to say which is very stressful to me.

"So Lizzie gave me a heads up said you're experiencing anxiety issues lately. So may I ask how are you now, like right at this moment."

"I'm nervous to be honest. Well, like I told you earlier I've done this before but it still seems so new to me. I really don't like talking about my feelings, I hate that and the fact that I'm doing this right now is very stressful to me."

"Would you consider that as an achievement though, that you're here and that you're doing this and try to fix something."

"Yea, I guess so. Elizabeth has been a big help though. She always keeps me present." I say and that made her smile.

"Do you talk about your feelings with Lizzie."

"No" I laugh half heartedly with that question sounding ridiculous in my head. "I try to save her from that part of me." I looked at Joan and see her looking at me waiting for me to just talk so I did.

"I just don't think talking about my feelings wouldn't make my situation better for her. She already has too much in her end and I just don't want to stress her out with my own issues."

"May I ask who is Lizzie to you?" A smile automatically appeared on my face just the thought of that. Her face instantly kept flashing in my head and all the moments we had together. Who is Elizabeth to me. its a no brainer question really.

"She's the love of my life." I whispered and then I realized something. " Maybe that's why I couldn't tell her everything about me, because I'm too afraid that if I did, she'd realize how bad it is and with that, I would lose her and I don't know if I would be able to move on if ever that happens." I said truthfully as she rights down whatever it is on her clipboard before looking up to me with a smile.

"So I have some home work for you to do." She starts and I gave her a nod for her to tell me what it is. "Everyday starting today, before you go to sleep, I want you to tell Lizzie how your day was and how you felt about it. It doesn't have to be very detailed but just try and let her know where you are. If you can't do it vocally then write it to her and do you keep a journal?"

"Yea, I haven't written on it recently cause I was busy but its still at my place."

"Okay, that's good continue with writing on your journal that helps too. So tell me how it goes for you maybe next week"

"Uh- I'm in New York next week"

"Then you can also tell me about your trip in New York when you get back." She smiles standing up. I stood up as well while she walks to her table getting something from one of her drawers.