*Niall's POV*
I did it. I did what I had to, and although it hurt both of us in the meantime, in the long run, it will all turn out fine. She can go off and be with some smart and rich lawyer or doctor and I can go back to my old life of girls, drugs, and alcohol as if these last two months never existed. Regardless of what I said to her, she did change me and I know she did, but if one girl can change me in a matter of two months, then I'm sure jail and all my friends can change me back in the matter of two days. It shouldn't take much. She didn't change me that much, did she?
But the thing is, since I started to have a real interest in her, I've hardly been able to look at another girl. I remember that one night that I tried and went out to a bar, got drunk, then brought a girl home. I don't remember her name, but I do remember that I kept calling her Alyssa and she ended up storming out of my hotel room. I seriously can't even look at other girls- much less sleep with any. I'd rather sleep with Alyssa, not that that's the only reason I started talking to her. That was a lie, too. I do want to sleep with her, though. Also, I hope she knows that I never slept with Haley. I only told her that so she would maybe take it to Tom and he would fire Haley. Evil, I know, but I thought that Alyssa should at least get something nice out of the last month since I know she'll probably be whining over me for at least the first day. I hope so, anyways, because I don't actually know when I'll stop whining about her.
The models and the crew were moving to Paris the next day and I used that as a perfect opportunity to leave and go back. I was all packed up and ready to go back to Indiana at 4am the next morning, an hour before any of the girls would be awake.
2:30 the next morning came around super early even though I tried to go to bed by nine o'clock the night before. I guess you could say I was in bed by nine o'clock, but I wasn't asleep. I couldn't sleep at all. I just laid there wide awake the whole time thinking about what I told Alyssa and how I treated her. She thought I was going to hurt her! The second my fist came in contact with that wall, I knew what I had done and I knew that I fucked up. I scared her and she flinched away from me. That hurt more than I thought anything could. Having Alyssa flinch away from me because she was scared I was going to hurt her ended up hurting me and I was kicking myself for it now. That's why we can never be together. Not because I'm not open to the idea- because believe me, she changed my mind on the whole dating thing- but becaue she doesn't deserve a fuck up like me. She deserves someone that will treat her like the princess she is all the time, not just when he feels like not being an asshole. She needs someone that would never hide anything from her- I've been hiding something big from her this whole time. She deserves someone who didn't use to fuck a different girl every night and actually had to get checked to make sure he didn't have any STDs and crap. I'm not her type and she's not the kind of girl that I usually mess with, but somehow we ended up enjoying our time together anyways and she opened herself up to me.
Sure, many girls have also opened up their bodies to me and whatnot, but it was never the same. They did it because they lusted for me and were just looking for a one-night thing. Alyssa did it because she trusted me and felt safe enough around me to become so vulnerable and exposed. She could probably tell I was lying when I told her that I only hung around her to fuck her because if that was true, I would have stolen her virginity right there in that shower that one night. If that were the case, I wouldn't have cared that she was sad or that she had a boyfriend. I just would have done it.
But I didn't, because that wasn't why I was there. I was there to support her and make her feel better, and not in an erotic way. Just in a human way. Just so she could feel important, and I tried my hardest to make her feel important. I was gentle with her body and careful with her feelings. Her exposed body will forever mean more to me than any other hoe's because she's important to me. She will probably always be important to me even if I never see her again.
After I woke up and at least brushed my teeth, I looked around the hotel one last time just to make sure that I had everything. When I was positive that I had all my belongings, I grabbed my suitcase and walked out the door and down the hallway. I stopped once I got to Alyssa's door. I was tempted to knock or maybe sneak in since I still had her card, but I didn't. She needed her rest. Just because I didn't get any doesn't mean that she's not allowed to, either.
So I made it downstairs and into the lobby where I gave the man at the front desk both of the keys and walked outside where I almost ran someone over who was sitting on the front steps of the hotel smoking a ciggarette. I hit her back and then quickly drew backwards a few steps so I could go around her. "Sorry."
The young lady looked up at me and my eyes widened. "You smoke?"
She narrowed her eyes at me and then turned back around, continuing on her cigarette. "No." She was defintely being short with me. I pushed my suitcase back and out of the way and sat down on the step next to her. "Steph gave me one. Told me it would relieve my stress."
"Is it helping?" She flicked the ash against the side of the step and glared at me like I should know the answer. "I'm taking that as a no."
"What do you want me to say, Niall?" She suddenly spoke up while fliging her arms to the side. "You're leaving and it doesn't even seem to be a big deal to you! Well, you know what? It's a big deal to me." I watched tears well up slightly in Alyssa's big, green eyes and I noticed how her voice cracked at the end. I scoot a little closer to her and held her, and boy was I happy when she let me do so. I never wanted to let her go, but I knew that I had to.
"It is a big deal to me," I whispered after a while of silence. "It's a huge deal to me. I didn't mean any of what I said to you last night. I hope you know that."
She pulled out of my hold and glared at me. "Then why do you have to leave, Niall? Why?"
"I... I can't tell you that exactly. You'd hate me forever." I guess it technically wouldn't be against any rules since I no longer work for her dad, but I still couldn't bring myself to tell her. I love her too much for that.
Wait... what?
She propped her elbow up on her knee and rested her chin in her hand. "Try me."
Tell her! Tell her now! You'll never see her again! Don't be such a wimp! You know it's true!
"Alyssa..." She kept looking at me and I knew I was just stalling because I was too scared to say it. "I... I have to go... a-and I can't tell you why, but I can tell you and I want you to know that I... I lo-"
"Ouch! Damn!" She suddenly cut me off and I watched as she quickly threw the cigarette, which was now almost burnt to the bottom, across the sidewalk. She pressed her middle knuckle to her lips and tongue and then pulled it back while hissing in pain. I looked at her red knuckle for half a second and then she quickly stood up.
"You know what, Niall? I know now."
I stood up, too, and looked at her confused. What was she talking about? She sounded so calm but so fired up all at the same time.
I gently grabbed her arm and pulled her into me. "You know what?" I asked.
"I now know what it's like to let something- or someone- get too close to you to the point where they burn you and leave you marked and hurt." I looked down to the small amount of sidewalk in between our feet knowing that I taught her that and she was now using it on me. I deserve it, though.
She took her arm out of my grasp for a second and I looked up just in time to watch her take a necklace off from around he neck.
"Here," she said gathering the necklace into her hand. I held a hand out and she carefully dropped the necklace in my palm and then closed my fingers around it. "I know that you might just go back to your life of fucking different girls, but I want you to keep this. Just to remember that one girl that you didn't fuck but got close to anyways." She took a few steps up the steps, but kept looking at me. "Well, the girl that got close to you, anyways. You don't have to wear it or anything, but I just want you to have it."
I looked down at my closed palm and then back up to her. She bit her lip and I could tell that she was close to crying. She quickly ran back down the steps and leaned up on her tippy toes to let her lips touch mine again. I hadn't kissed her in what felt like forever and it felt amazing. I wrapped my free arm around her back trying to hold her there as long as possible. It was just as good as our first kiss, if not better, and I never wanted it to end. However, after a short while, she went back down to her normal height and within a blink of an eye, she was back inside and just... gone.
I looked down to the necklace in my hand and admired the charm. My jaw dropped as I read it and realized it was her mom's.
You know I'll be
Your life
Your voice
Your reason to be
I clenched the metal again and let out a giant sigh. "You will be," I whispered into the night/morning air. "I promise."
LOOKIE LOOKIE! WHO GETS A COOKIE!?
I dunno. It just sort of rhymed. But a cookie does sound good right now. SO TRIPLE UPDATE! PRETTY FREAKING PROUD! Does that make up for the whole three weeksish that it took to update at all? No? Okay. Had to try.
AND OH MY ATLANTA! Just now I just clicked something and I didn't know what it was but everything on my page dissapeared! Oh Jesus. That shit gave me a heart attack. Phew. Thank God for the undo button. I don't know what I clicked but everything I just spent the last hourish writing dissapeared.
Okay. Good night you sexy people. I love you. Stay sexy peoples. c;