This was the last thing she wanted to do right now.
Being alone, once again, in the Avengers Compound was something that Charlotte Watson was getting quite used to. But right now, not matter the fact that they weren't truly speaking to one another, all Lottie wanted was Tony.
When the mail came by early in the morning, Lottie hadn't thought much of it. Most of the mail was for Tony anyways, different documents that he needed to go through involving different aspects of their lives: Avengers, Stark Industries, the accords, and so on. All Lottie normally did was separate them into piles: most important to least. It was simple, normally only took her a few minutes.
Until today had hands landed on the blank white envelope that sat between two important bills. No return address, not even a stamp. Just one name: Lottie.
When her senses went off, when the hair on her arms stood up and her breath caught in her throat, she knew instantly what was in the envelop. But all she could do was stare at it.
Early evening had fallen as Tony rushed out the door of the compound, his briefcase that had his suit folded into it in his hand. Neither of them said a word. Lottie had already seen the damage on the screen, the ferry splitting in half right before their eyes. She wished that it wasn't Peter meddling in something that was taken care of, but she knew it was. She blamed Tony for not informing the poor kid they had already involved the authorities.
The second he was gone, Lottie fell apart.
Her back rested against the kitchen cabinets next to the sink. Four empty bottles of alcohol laid scattered next to her on the floor, and Tony had only been gone for twenty minutes. She knew, though, that alcohol held the strength she needed to open the envelop in front of her.
Her hands were shaky as she tore it open, a tear already slipping down her cheek at the sight of that oh so familiar hand writing.
Lottie,
I told myself I wouldn't do this. It's not healthy for either of us, but I couldn't stop myself. Not having you with me, not seeing your beautiful face, not being able to kiss the lips of the only woman I've ever loved...it's not easy. Then again, I guess I did this to us, huh?
Two months have gone by. For some reason, I wait every day for you to write a letter back to me, tell me you still love me and that maybe, just maybe, you forgive me. Natasha and Sam have to constantly remind me that I gave you no way to write back, no where to send your letter to, if you would even write back to me. Then, I get mad at myself. God, I really screwed us up, didn't I?
I'm not sure what I really wanted to say in this letter. I know I can't see you right now, maybe not even ever again, but I can't not write to you. These letters are the closest thing that I have to communicating with my beautiful fiance...if you even still wear your ring. God, I hope you do. I always knew you were gorgeous, but the moment we walked into the jewelers and picked that ring, and you slide it on your finger...I didn't think you could look anymore gorgeous then right then. Maybe seeing you in that white gown will beat that moment, if we ever get to have that. If you even still want that.
I still love you, Charlotte Watson. I'm never going to stop, even if you decide you don't want me anymore and move on with your life. Your the only woman for me, and it's my fault. I did this to us. I lied to you and drove you to stay with Tony, a decision that I don't fault you for. If you could see the conditions we live in...it kinda makes me glad that you're in the compound instead of here. At least there you're safe, you're fed and clothed, warm, and maybe even happy.
I have no right to love you anymore, Charlotte Watson. Not after what I did. But I still do, and maybe one day I can show you that in person again.
Always and forever yours,
Steve Rogers
The scream that ripped through Lottie's throat was animal like. The letter was crumbled into a ball and throw across the room as she screamed again, stumbling to her feet as he hands wrapped around another alcohol bottle on the table.
"THEN WHY DID YOU LIE! WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME!"
The bottle flew across the kitchen, shattering to pieces on the sturdy glass walls surrounding the room, the contents dripping down the glass and puddling on the floor below. Charlotte's legs gave out as she grabbed another bottle, falling to her knees as violent sobs racked her entire body.
Eyes drifting over to the crumbled letter on the floor, Lottie didn't waste a second before taking the bottle and lifting it to her lips once more.
◼ ◼ ◼
Tony Stark didn't want to do it. He'd never admit to straight to anyone, but he loved that kid. Peter Parker was a good kid with a good heart, and the idea that he wanted to be like him made him sick.
Tony Stark wanted Peter Parker to be better than him, in every way possible. That's why it hurt so much to see the look on his face as he took the suit away.
The compound was quiet as Tony scanned his way inside, dropping his briefcase and suit jacket right by the door without care. A sigh left his lips as he slipped his glasses off his face, throwing them onto the couch as he passed through the living room.
The second he got to the entrance of the kitchen, he froze in his tracks.
Charlotte Watson was a mess. Night had fallen, and Tony wasn't sure if he wanted to know how long she had been sitting on the kitchen floor, staring at the cabinets. He assumed by the empty alcohol bottles that littered the floor, and the broken pile of glass across the room, that whatever had happened wasn't good.
As quietly and carefully as possible, Tony slid to the floor beside the woman, eyeing her carefully as she kept her gaze on the cabinets before her.
"Honestly I've had some pretty bad drunks nights across my entire existence, but I think you're taking the cake on this one,"
Lottie didn't move a muscle, her eyes trained on the cupboards before her.
"In between being a nurse and helping found SHIELD and living her life in memory of me, my mother was a drunk," Lottie finally spoke, though she never looked over at Tony. "After dad died, she fell off the rails. Lost the love of her life, and nothing else seemed to matter. She drank her life away, lost her job, and then eventually she lost me. One of the last things she said to me was 'He wasted so much time on you. You'll die a coward, like your father'. That one line drove me to join Project Athena, make a difference with my life and prove her wrong. Eventually I did, and I forgave her. Now...I've become my mother."
"She came out of that and made a life for herself. If you wouldn't think so one sided, you'd see that," Lottie looked over, glaring at the man who held his ground. "Wipe the glare away and pull on your big girl pants, Khaleesi. You know what got me out of my drunk stupors? Tough love from Pepper. So, I'm gonna return the favor and give it right back to you."
"I don't want tough love, I don't want anyone to tell me that my way of grieving is wrong because I already know it is," Lottie's voice cracked as a tear slipped down her cheek. "I just want someone to hold me like Steve used to."
Tony didn't waste a second as the woman began to sob, tugging her into his chest as he held her tight, letting her cry out all of her feelings as she grasped onto him like her lifeline.
"I had to take the kid's suit away tonight," Tony spoke into her hair, holding her tight to him. "It was one of the worst things I've ever had to do. The kid loves being Spider-Man, but people could've died tonight because he tried to take on something bigger than himself. So, I took it away. All he said was he just wanted to be like me, but all I've wanted was for him to be better. I want to give this all to him one day, I want him to be a leader and run this team. I want him to be the better version of me. It feels like I failed."
Lottie pulled away, looking up at her best friend.
"We're both such messes right now,"
The pair shared a laugh, even though it was a pained one.
"Yeah, we are. I'm too sober to be this much of a mess,"
"I miss him," Lottie finally told Tony, staring at him as a frown crossed her lips. "I miss him so much. I don't regret choosing to stay here, I don't. It was the right decision at the time. If I went with Steve and Bucky, pretended I was okay...I don't think I would've ever forgave either of them."
"It's not just missing them though, is it? Or Steve lying?"
"I keep seeing him die," Lottie's lower lip quivered. "Every time I close my eyes, I see Howard dying at the hands of Bucky. And I don't blame Bucky, it's not his fault, but I can't stop watching him die. I know he was your dad, but Howard was one of the first people besides Steve and Bucky to believe in me. He was my best friend. Watching him die like that..."
"He loved you, more than you'll probably ever realize," Tony told her, giving her what he hoped was a comforting smile. "Always talked about you, referred to you as his sister. If you lived you were going to be my aunt, remember? He might not have ever told me he loved me, but god did he make sure we all knew how much he loved you. You were his best friend, too. I'm sure it was hard on him to lose you and Steve, too."
"...I think we both really need to see a therapist,"
Tony couldn't help but laugh, and the pure sound brought a smile to Lottie's lips for the first time that entire day.
"I might actually agree to that- scratch that, I'm sure Pepper will force me,"
"God, you took the poor kids suit," Lottie sighed, leaning her head on Tony's shoulder. "I don't even want to look at my phone, now. I'm sure he left me a depressing voicemail that's going to make me cry."
"Should've been there when I took it, I thought I was going to cry," Tony shook his head, pulling back to look down at Lottie. "Don't tell anyone I ever said that, got it?"
Lottie giggled lightly, her eyelids growing heavy as she smiled at Tony.
The man pulled himself to his feet, extending a hand down to Lottie. She gratefully took it, stumbling to her feet as Tony wrapped an arm around her drunken self, keeping her steady.
"I think we could both use some sleep. The mess in here can wait till morning,"
Lottie didn't argue, resting her head back on Tony's shoulder as he held her close, walking her down the hallway toward her room.
For the first time in the last two months, Lottie didn't feel alone anymore. And Tony Stark was prepared to make sure his best friend never felt that way again.
◼ ◼ ◼
You guys know the chant, now do it with me: BROTP BROTP BROTP BROTP!!!!!!
I wish you guys could see my face while writing this, I LEGIT CRIED OKAY! God, it hurt to write it but I think it was good to write it.
ALSO: special surprise for you guys below!
Meet the official soundtrack for SLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I decided to make a soundtrack of all the music that I listen to while writing this book, along with a lot of different songs that I think really encompass Steve and Lottie's relationship together. The song that I listened to while writing this chapter is on their: The Love You Left Behind by Michael Schulte. UGH, so good guys! It's a mixture of some older music with a lot of new music, with even some instrumentals like the Avengers theme in there!
If you give this a listen, I suggest just hitting shuffle and going from there! The number one song on that soundtrack for me is I Will Always Remember Us This Way from A Star Is Born because I actually created the entire idea for this book while listening to it.
If you give this a listen, let me know what you're favorite song is on there! What song really reminds you of Lottie and Steve? I know I have a couple favorites!
Use the link below to access the playlist directly or you can search my user: mmtorre1
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4g6pQAFZwK8WkLzFVuxjx3?si=F5A5ImRYQyaCSLzORXCoKg