*Niall's POV*
Ryan always told me to do it... I just didn't think that it would ever get this bad... or addictive. I'm currently down to 95.2 pounds, but I still feel fat. I still feel like I have way too much extra skin on my stomach, but no matter what I do - between the 3 hour workouts I've been doing for the last month, the vomiting, and lack of eating- I can't seem to make it go away.
Brittany confronted me about it yesterday after gym. We were the only two left in the smelly and beat up locker room, and as I changed back into my shirt, I heard her whimper. She looked like she was close to crying, but then she turned angry. She told me that I would end up killing myself if I kept doing what I was doing and I told her that I was fine. We fought for a few minutes until she finally started crying and stormed out of the locker room. I didn't mean to make her cry. I still feel guilty about it. She hasn't talked to me nor replied to any of my texts since.
Dad still doesn't know anything. He has no idea that I'm working out for three hours after school everyday. He still thinks that I'm getting after school torturing. Dad would force me to come home and physically shove food down my throat if he knew everything I was doing for a fitter body. I think he's started to figure out that something's up, and it's hurting him that I'm hiding it from him and pretending that I'm okay.
I'm not trying to hurt anybody, but so far, it seems like that's all I've been doing to the two people left on this Earth that I actually give a damn about.
I started getting a little choked up as I read her 49th entry, which was written on April 25, 2012. This was hurting me and it was already over and done with over two and a half years ago. I just can't believe that Alyssa- someone as beautiful and fucking perfect as Alyssa- could ever think of herself like that. I don't care how "big" she thought she was when she thought she needed to start becoming bulimic, but it was frustrating. Someone like Alyssa can't just become fucking perfect over night. Hell, she was more than likely born perfect. If Alyssa ever starts that shit again, I'm going to have to step in and it won't be pretty. I refuse to let her ever think of herself as anything other than fucking perfect- because she is.
The door to my hotel room opened and my eyes widened. I forgot that Alyssa had also gotten a key to my room since it was "only fair, you asshole." Whatever.
I quickly shoved the notebook into the nightstand and walked out of the bedroom in my suite. Alyssa stood at the doorway taking her flip-flops off. She looked happy.
She looked up at me as I stood in front of the couch, now, and she galloped over to me like a damn puppy. My eyes widened, as she got closer and jumped up, sending me back into the couch. She giggled, now straddling my lap, and left a giant and playful kiss on my lips, taking me by surprise.
"What are you so happy and giggly about?" I laughed as we disconnected.
"So I went in and talked to the people at Victoria's Secret today..." She trailed off. I bit my lip and looked at her, just thinking what it would be like to see her modeling in cute underwear.
I gave a quiet, "Uh huh..." telling her to continue.
"And I tried on a few things and they said that I would be perfect for a new group they're organizing and that they will call me and see about setting up an interview. Oh! And Steph went with me and they said the same to her! They really liked us, Ni!" She excitedly slapped my arm as she continued and I couldn't help but smile up at her. She was just so God damn beautiful, it felt unreal. The use of my nickname had my heart rate increasing immediately, but I didn't show that it was giving me butterflies and instead slipped my hands under her shirt, touching her stomach. I felt her immediately suck in. Guess she does still have those insecurities.
I was determined to change that.
"This calls for celebration." I said and she raised her eyebrows.
"What do you have in mind, exactly?"
"I've got full bottles of champagne in the suite kitchen." I offered with a raised eyebrow, but her face fell.
"I don't drink, remember?" She tapped my forehead a few times as if she was trying to jog my memory. I was fully aware that she wasn't a drinker, but that didn't mean I couldn't persuade her into having a glass of wine, did it?
"I know, I know. But, you have to at least try it."
She gave me a look. "Why?" She was making it quite clear that she wanted nothing to do with alcohol, but all I was asking was for her lips to simply touch the liquid.
"Because it's eight o'clock at night and you're about to become a Victoria's Secret model." I stated the obvious, but she just rolled her eyes without a word. "Just try a sip and if you don't like it, then you don't have to drink it. We're not getting drunk, just celebrating." I tried to talk my way into her approval, and I finally got it when she took a deep inhale and got off of my lap.
I smiled in victory, leaning over to kiss her cheek, before pushing myself off of the couch and wandering over to the kitchen. As I poured the fruity, red liquid into each of the tall champagne glasses, she finally trailed after me and leaned against the small island.
I slid one of them over to her and she looked down at it with a sigh. She glanced up to me, suddenly looking confident and raised her glass. "To... me trying my first glass of alcohol?" She declared (kind of) the toast. I laughed and hit my glass against hers before tasting the liquid. Honestly, it was kind of fruity and a little too girly for my likings, but it wasn't all that bad. It came with the room from the modeling agency as a thank you, I guess. I just had yet to open it.
I smiled as I took in Alyssa's reaction. She liked it, she was just trying to make it appear so. She didn't want to let me win, but I soon did when she went back for a second sip.
I raised my eyebrows at her and leaned against the counter. I stared at her, but she wasn't looking at me, although it was obvious she knew I was looking. Finally, she smirked and looked to me. "What? Why are you staring at me?"
Because you're beautiful.
"Because. I win."
She chuckled. "Win what?"
"The Try-And-Say-No-To-Niall-And-Be-Wrong game." I smirked, but her eyes lowered. She picked the cork to the bottle up off of the island and threw it at me. I laughed and stepped to the side, letting it sail right past me.
"I never said I liked it, you asshole." Regardless of her attempt to make me believe she didn't like the champagne, she brought her glass back to her lips and took a bigger sip.
"You didn't have to. Actions speak louder than words, princess." She rolled her eyes at me and shook her head. "It's true. I could say that I would fuck you on this table, but if I actually did it, it would be much... much... louder."
She immediately spit out the wine in her mouth and then tried to cough the rest up. I immediately started to laugh and lean dependently on the island for support as she continued her coughing fit.
"What?!" She finally asked, looking to me. I brought my glass to my lips and winked at her, resulting in blood rushing to her cheeks. "You wish, Horan."
"I do, actually." I told her without missing a beat, even surprising myself. It was like my mind just set itself on autopilot and I couldn't stop saying shit.
She shook her head at me again. "You're an idiot."
I didn't disagree because I really was and I knew it. Instead I just continued to subtly stare at her in silence as we both finished off our glasses. She was just so God damn beautiful. You couldn't help but stare at her- anybody. Her hair was always perfect- even if she just woke up. Her skin was so soft and touching it never seemed to get old. Running my fingers up and down her spinal cord while we cuddled each other in bed was amazing; along with the shudder she would give every time my fingers brushed the bottom of her spine next to her back dimples. I loved those things. She said she hated them because of how deep they were, but I thought the depth made her even sexier.
And her green eyes were like something straight out of a magazine. It's no wonder that she's so good at modeling. Taking pictures of her is literally my favorite part of the day, besides the fact that it involved my favorite model of the day.
Reviewing her photos at the end of the day was always the best, and I might linger over her portfolio a little longer than the rest.
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Hey! I know its a short update, but I felt like I should give you guys something since im having a little bit of writers block at the moment. I know whats supposed to happen and going to happen, but now that we are nearing the end of the book, I have to try and figure out how to make it all happen as we head into the climax of the story. It might change again on the countdown, depending on how I make the ending unfold I guess.
Anywhore, you guys should go and add me on Snapchat (luvirishpride) where I will be talking to all of you who want to talk and answering questions. You can get easy updates on everything, like, for example, when my next updates will be AND you can get exclusive sneak peeks of upcoming chapters and stories through my snapchat story! Of course, I will add every single one of you back and this should be interesting. Lol.
Love you guys and stay sexy!!