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CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR
i like you so much better when you're naked.
season six, episode twelve.
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Billie and Jackson were in an on-call room. The door was locked, seeing as they were kissing passionately against the wall, his hands traveling across the planes of her body, finding her waist, her hips, her ass. She arched towards him, allowing him full access to create a path of kisses down her neck and suck on it vigorously, earning a small whimper in response.
Jackson didn't stop stimulating her neck with his tongue even when her pager went off.
"Wait, wait, wait," she said, taking the pager out of the pocket of her scrub pants.
"What is it?" he grumbled into her skin, famished.
"Wait, what?"
Unwillingly, almost rather harshly, Billie tugged at Jackson's scrub top to get him to stop kissing her. He did so reluctantly with a huff and then frowned at her, wondering who was paging her and for what.
"What?" he asked.
"Izzie's coming back?" Billie shook her head. "That can't be. I have to go."
She immediately slipped away from him and grabbed her lab coat. Jackson looked at her, slightly whiplashed by the sudden change in the atmosphere.
"You're leaving? We have, like, ten free minutes," he grumbled.
"I'm sorry, it's important." She dedicated him an apologetic look, then lent in to peck his lips. "I promise we'll continue later."
And she ran out of the room, leaving an amused Jackson behind.
☆
"What do you mean Izzie's back?" Billie asked Meredith and Cristina as soon as she walked into the conference room.
"Yeah, that too," Cristina said, then looked at her two friends. "Teddy. Turns out she loves Owen and thought she came here to be all, you know, Teddy and Owen, but there's me, and now she's all pained and threatening to leave, and so I told her she could have him."
Billie's eyes widened. "What?"
"Are you crazy?" Meredith whisper-yelled.
"She's an amazing teacher and I'm, you know, I'm happy again! And I'm in the OR and I'm feeling like myself. And, of course, I didn't mean it. I mean, I love Owen. I love him. But that means I don't get to have her, so..." she ranted, "maybe I meant it?"
Meredith breathed in. "Okay, here's the thing. You can't talk like this. It's like, I get you and Billie gets you, but other people don't. So you can't talk like this."
"Yeah, it's crazy. It's like telling someone their baby's ugly. They know it and you know it and everybody knows it but you don't talk about it," Billie added.
"Okay, but you're saying surgery, right?" Cristina said. "Gun to your head, you'd choose surgery over Ian or Derek."
"We're saying... don't talk about this. And don't talk about it to Owen."
There was a moment of silence where Cristina was left pensive.
"Now, any one of you plan on telling me why Izzie's back?" Billie then asked.
"She came home this morning to fix things with Alex," Meredith explained.
"What? No! She can't do that," the brunette argued. "Alex can't forgive her."
"And how's that your problem? You're with Avery now," Cristina waved her off with a frown.
Billie opened her mouth to say something, but it was, in fact, true. Izzie coming and Alex forgiving her wasn't her problem anymore.
☆
Billie, Meredith, Cristina, Alex and Jackson were now lunching over dead bodies, as Meredith had to practice a pancreatic dissection for her surgery with the Chief, where she'd be flying solo. Jackson and Billie sat side by side close to her, whereas Cristina and Alex were on another table in front of them, working on another cadaver.
"What are you talking about?" Alex asked through a mouthful of his lunch.
"She's on this thing," Billie clarified.
"Okay, if you had to choose between the thing you love, surgery, and the person you love," Cristina began, "what would you choose?"
"You would choose Izzie, right?" Meredith said. "Because you two are gonna get back together."
Alex glanced at Billie, who was looking down at her food, avoiding his eyes.
"Shut up," he said.
"Dude, why do you have to choose?" Jackson asked.
"It doesn't matter, you just do. Which is it," Cristina said, "surgery or love?"
"I want both." Billie shrugged.
"That's what I said," Meredith scolded.
"No, you can't have both."
"Why the hell not?" Jackson continued to argue.
Cristina frowned, confused. "Why the hell is he here?"
"I said he could be in here because he's in the Whipple too," Meredith explained.
"Plus, he's my boyfriend," Billie added, ignoring Alex's eyes set on her.
"Yeah, whatever." Cristina rolled her eyes. "Once again, you cannot have both, you have to choose."
"Choose what?"
Everybody turned to the door. There, wearing street clothes and holding a cafeteria tray with her lunch on it, was Izzie. An awkward silence fell upon the room.
"Uh, my— my PET scan got pushed back an hour, so I thought I'd..." Izzie began to explain, "join you for lunch."
Nervously, she walked up to Alex and Cristina's table and sat by the woman. Billie chewed on her food awkwardly.
"Okay, that." Cristina pointed at Meredith, who still worked on the cadaver. "You have to give up that. Learning the procedure, tuning out the world until you get it, like, you know, doing the procedure is the only thing that matters. Like, if you don't get to do it, you'll die. That's what you have to give up."
"For what?" Izzie asked.
"Love."
"Why?"
"Yeah, that's what I said." Jackson laughed.
Billie smacked him under the table and he turned to her with a frown, to which she whispered: "Don't talk to her."
"Okay, that's not the point!" Cristina yelled. "You know you couldn't do it, you know you choose the procedure."
"Fine! If I had to choose, gun to my head, I would choose surgery," Meredith finally said. "Okay?"
"Okay, well, thank you! Is that so hard to say? I don't know why is it so bad to say that out loud."
"Because it's crazy," Izzie interfered.
Silence again.
"How...?"
"It's crazy," she repeated. "Surgery, it's just a job. It's just a job, it's the thing you come home from, not the thing you come home to. And if you lose your job, you get another one. 'Cause there's always another one, but... if you lose your love... if you think you're losing your love... then suddenly nothing else matters."
There was another silence. Izzie's eyes had fallen upon Alex, and Billie's, on Izzie.
"You say that now," the brunette finally dared face, "but you had no problem disappearing, leaving your husband, when you got fired. So it seems you're contradicting yourself."
"I'm with her," Alex, to her surprise, told Izzie. "Love comes and go. Surgery doesn't."
There was a weird silence. Izzie seemed shocked by both their words, but Billie only gathered her stuff, stood up and left the room in a hurry.
"Is this what you guys talk about during lunch?" Jackson asked.
Izzie stood up and followed behind Billie.
☆
"Billie," Izzie called after her. Billie heard her, but ignored her. "Billie!"
"What?" She didn't stop.
Izzie caught up to her and grabbed at her wrist, tugging at it hard enough to force her to turn around.
"Hey!" Billie yelled.
"Stop undermining me," Izzie said.
"What the hell is your problem?"
"Listen, I know we've had our differences—"
Billie scoffed. "Yeah, differences."
"—but you do not get to interfere between me and Alex," she said. "I know you love him. I've always known it. Trust me, it was hard for me to ignore the fact that he even has a hair-tie around his wrist only for you, or the stupid red thread he gave you that you still wear. I know... you love him."
Billie stayed silent.
"But he is my husband. Okay? He is my husband," she continued. "I came here to fix what I broke and even though I know you hate me and I know you want what's best for Alex... for God's sakes, you're even dating someone else, for the looks of it! You can't keep running after him and trying to, I don't know, stop me from getting to him. He is my husband."
Billie didn't say anything. Then, she scoffed and took a step forward.
"You lost the right to call him that when you abandoned him without a reason and without even letting him know," she said. "Yes, I might love him, but my protecting him has nothing to do with that. It has to do with you and the fact that you do not get any more privileges around here! You screwed up time and time again and that's on you. You can't just march in here talking about love and expect him to be okay with it, because let me tell you, Alex hates you. He hates you for abandoning him. And that doesn't just go away."
She turned on her heel and without allowing Izzie an answer, she left.
☆
Later that day, Billie found herself in the skills lab, practicing on mannequins with Jackson sitting across the table from her, talking to her about the surgery he'd performed earlier that day. However, she wasn't paying too much attention, and he could tell.
"Are you even listening to me?" he asked.
"What?" Billie looked up from her work. "Yes, of course."
Jackson squinted his eyes, sussing her out. "What did I just say?"
"You were told you could scrub in with Ian in an aneurysm removal, right?" she said.
"No, that was an hour ago. I was telling you about what happened after we finished the surgery," Jackson stated, trying to sort her out.
"Oh." Billie looked down. "I'm sorry. What happened?"
Jackson didn't answer the question. He looked down at his lap, then propped himself on the table, looking at her.
"You know, it's weird you defend him so much," he said.
"What? Who?"
"Alex." Jackson nodded. "Today, during lunch. Stevens said something and you... jumped in his defense as if he weren't capable of doing that himself."
Billie sighed and closed her eyes. "Jackson, I promise it doesn't have anything to do with—"
"No, no, I know. I'm not accusing you of anything," he clarified. "It's just weird to me how you're always protecting him."
"It wasn't about him this time," Billie explained. "I've had some problems with Izzie."
"You don't like her much?"
She laughed. "Not really."
"Oh..." Jackson nodded in realization. "I get it now. You resent her because she married Alex and you loved Alex."
"Well... not quite like that, although it had to do," Billie said. "Let's just say... Izzie made some mistakes in the past that cost her the life of someone I loved."
Jackson remained silent.
"And the problem with Alex is that he knew how much that hurt and he still married her," Billie finished explaining just as she finished a suture. "That's something I will never be able to forgive him for."
He nodded, then stood up. "Well, I think it's time we head back home."
"Yeah," Billie agreed.
"C'mon." Jackson surrounded the table, wrapped his arms around her neck and kissed her forehead. "I'll drive us."
"Could you take me to my brother's though? I've been meaning to grab some stuff and I'd rather sleep there today," she said.
"Of course."
☆
Billie was sat on the couch, checking old voice messages left on the landline of her brother's house. She didn't do that too often and that was probably the reason why she always missed out on a few calls, so she was getting it done now, just because she wasn't tired enough to go to bed yet.
However, as she heard through the few messages, mostly just spam and propaganda, a familiar voice made her freeze on her tracks.
"Hey, Lizzie, it's me," it said. "It's dad."