I opened my eyes to the bright red curls of my boyfriend in my arms. I inhaled deeply breathing in the vanilla scent and a vague smell of cigarettes lingering from my clothes. I nuzzled my head into his neck and closed my eyes. Kyle groaned in his sleep and trashed in his sleep. I looked outside and it was still dark out. I let go of Kyle and searched through my sheets to find my phone, it was 3 am. He tossed back and I watched as he slept but he didn't look peaceful. His face was scrunched tightly and his brow furrowed. He groaned again and grimaced. I pulled my sweet boy closer to me and he started to mumble things I couldn't make out. I held his head into my shoulder twisting one of his soft curls around my fingers.
"I love you, Kyle, I love you to the moon and back," I whispered in his ear continuing to play with his unbelievably soft hair. I listened to the peaceful rhythm of his breathing and kissed his neck sweetly. I had so much love for this boy and now more than ever I wanted him to know it. He looked so perfect and amazingly beautiful in his sleep. I watched as his face contained to grimace making him look distressed but still perfect in every way. I kissed him again, I didn't know if he could tell but I wanted to to know I was here for him. The dim lighting from the moon outside outlined the features of his face and there was a perfect cast of moonlight across his nose, highlighting his faint freckles.
"S-stan?" he mumbled in a groggy voice that made my heart skip a beat. He's so cute when he's half awake. His eyes snapped open with tears in them. "Stan!" his breathing was quick and rapid. I sat up alarmed by his panic and Kyle quickly wrapped his arms around my neck sobbing.
"Kyle? Honey, what's wrong?" I said trying to sound calm not wanting him to pick up on my panic and hugged him back tightly. I gently pressed his face into my bare shoulder enjoying the warmth of his face against my skin.
"Stan it was terrible!" he sobbed into my shoulder.
"what was terrible?" I asked softly.
"I had- I had a n-nightmare, and- and, you- you were there and- and- Kenny! And the truck!" he was cut off by quick sobs.
"Shhh.. It's okay sweetheart, I'm right here," I rubbed my hand in circles around his back. "You're safe here," I cooed into his hair.
"Y-you, you were gone! And Kenny was dead- there was blood- it was everywhere there was so much!" He cried out.
He looked with red puffy eyes and tear still streaming down his face. I kissed him all around his face trying my best to kiss every single part of it. He sniffled looking at me with his shinny eyes, while I held his face looking into his eyes with extreme hurt. I felt so useless right now.
"I'm not going to leave, I'm right here I promise I'm not going anywhere," he gripped onto my tightly again.
"Ky? Honey? do you think you can go back to sleep?" he nodded at me now as he started to calm down. We laid back down and I put my head over Kyle's chest listing to his rapid heartbeat. He wrapped his arm around me tightly.
"I love you so much Kyle, I love you so much," I whispered into the dark.
"I love you too Stan, please never leave, I can't do it without you," he yawned.
'I'm always going to be here," I responded sweetly, his grip on me loosened slightly and I listened as his breathing slipped back into a soft sleepy rhythm and his heartbeat returned to normal. I frowned as I thought about how scared he'd been. His dream must have been terrifying and I felt the need to protect him more than ever. I felt so helpless as I lay on his chest for how scared he had been and how I couldn't do anything for him. I couldn't get back to sleep instead I just watched now as Kyle slept peacefully hypnotized but the shallow rise and fall of his chest. Closing my eyes I tried to get some more sleep and drifted off to the sound of Kyle's heartbeat.
When I woke up the second time it was to an alarm Kyle had set to take his pills. I groaned still tired from my restless night.
"Kyle?" I whispered into his ear gaining a groan in response. I ran my fingers threw his hair.
"Good morning Stan," my heart sped up at his adorably sleepy voice. I closed my arms around his thin frame.
"Did you sleep okay?" I said as we started to get out of bed.
"I'm sorry I woke you up,"
"Actually you didn't I just kinda woke up and was looking at how pretty you were while you slept, sorry if that sounds creepy."
"It kind of is creepy but in a sweet way," Kyle said blushing, "I don't even remember what my nightmare was about I just remembered being so scared!" He said almost in a cry.
"I'm sorry I hated seeing you like that," I told him and he looked a bit disappointed in himself, "but I'm glad I was here with you."
"Thanks for claiming me down you did a good job." I kissed his forehead and ran my fingers threw his hair one last time before he returned his hat to his head.
"Your hair is so pretty," I said quietly, "you shouldn't hide it," Kyle blushed profusely.
"Come on let's get up," he said quickly.
"I mean it."
"Stan, its not your just saying that because I'm your boyfriend," he said annoyed.
"Kyle, I've always thought it was beautiful, I just ever said it because it sounds totally gay," I said smirking. My comment earned a snorting laugh from Kyle.
"You're totally gay dude," he laughed.
"No your totally gay," I said kissing his soft lips.
I swung out of bed Kyle followed me. We headed downstairs and my dad was nowhere to be seen thank god, Kyle was wearing my shirt he slept in and no pants just his boxers and there was a warmth that filled my stomach when I looked at him, watching as he tiredly wandered around my kitchen preparing to take his pills for the day and get breakfast. I searched through the cabinets searching for something for Kyle and me to eat for breakfast.
"Are pop tarts okay?"
"Yeah I'm good with that," he responded as he took one from the box I held out. I watched in horror as Kyle unwrapped and ate his pop tart un-toasted.
"What?" He said between mouthfuls with crumbs falling out of his mouth.
"You're a monster," I said dramatically pointing to the pop tart in his hands.
"What!"
"Pop tarts are only good if you toast them!" I responded laughing.
"Nope your wrong there, cold is way better," he said taking a bite out of his cold pop tart giving me a spiteful look.
"I can't watch this monstrosity any longer," I dramatically covered my eyes waiting for my pop tart in the toaster. When it popped out I wrapped it in a paper towel and glared as we stood on opposite sides of the kitchen eating out pop tarts. I stared at Kyle and even if he was eating a cold pop-tart I loved him. I liked seeing him in my clothes. right now he was so unintentionally attractive. I watched him eat his poptart seemly in his own world and I watched him awe-struck.
My shirt hung loosely on him. Kyle might have been taller than me by a couple of inches but he was more slender than I was. There were hints of muscle on my arms but my skin still hung close to my ribs while Kyle still had a small bit of belly fat. His arms and legs were long and he had a thin frail looking frame. My build was wider and more compact I hated my body and showing it off in any way. My shoulder and chest were too broad I thought for the amount of mussels I had left me to look bulky and awkward. Kyle looked so perfect the way he was built and the way he fit so well into it. I liked a loose baggy fit and since Kyle and I were around the same size, my shirt still had that baggy fit to him. It came down to about his mid-thigh.
"What?" Kyle said noticing my staring.
"I want to wake up with you in my arms wearing my shirt every day," I said almost like I was out of breath. His face turned a bright red and Kyle walked across the kitchen, grabbed me, and without saying anything kissed me again. It was a hungry kiss rapid with desire and hungrily tased each other like we were each other's air. The kiss started to become more sloppy and passionate and we melted into each other's embraces. I started to let my hands wander, my fingertips grazing his lower back. I pressed up against him almost bending back onto the counter, my hands migrating to his hips and I slid my hands down his thighs dipping my fingers into the leg holes of his boxer getting dangerously close to his junk. I noticed Kyle breathing heavily, figuring it was from the aggressiveness of our kiss neither party breaking apart. I gripped his thighs and realized how tense he was I pulled back and immediately stopped, he was hyperventilating.
"Ky?" I said concerned, he only looked at me with panic, "Kyle? dude come on talk to me babe," I pleaded.
"I- Just-" his words catching in his throat, I encouraged him to breathe showing him what to do in a manner that would calm him down and I managed to get him calm enough to speak again. "I'm so sorry, I don't know why I freaked out, don't be mad."
"Kyle, why would I be mad?"
"I didn't want to stop you, but- I- I can't do any of that yet dude, I just need some time to settle, and like you seemed really into it but then I started to panic."
"I'm not mad, I'm so far from it, holy shit dude I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have pushed it on you like that, you can tell me no anytime dude, I'm never going to bed mad that you're uncomfortable.
"I'm still sorry," he sighed heavily
"Don't be," I gave him a small innocent peck, "I need to shower, I'll be back," I said painfully pulling away.
I started my shower and looked at the bulge in my boxers, painfully hard. The worst part about it was my stupid horny ass had fucked it up, I could only think of my dick giving my boyfriend a panic attack trying to do things he's clearly not ready for. I always fuck up good things and now I'm going to fuck up my lifelong super-best friendship all because I think with my dick, not my brain. What was wrong with me?
I need a drink.