*Warning - Includes slight sensitive thoughts on suicide. Please don't read if you can't take it. A chapter isn't more precious than your mental heath guys*
Jihyo's Point Of View :
I woke up the next day earlier than usual, well... if being honest I never slept actually just had my eyes shut and thinking a millions thoughts.
Anyway why does it even matter? Its not like I have to care enough about myself or have to explain it to others.
After brushing my teeth, taking a shower and wearing something fluffy and warm I set out to look myself in the mirror once before I head out
No smiles, no expressions, no enthusiasm, nothing.
Good! Perfect! Its really me
I set out and saw that everyone is still sleeping, I walked slowly and carefully not wanting to wake anyone up and having to see them scrunch their faces in sadness seeing me.
I just went by to my room and grabbed a big bag and packed few of the toiletries and some clothes. Yes only taking the necessary items for the time being, once everyone goes out the dorm I will come back and pack the other things or maybe I can just ask someone to help me out move my things.
Once done I set out with my car keys, where am I going? I don't know where to go either, yesterday night I called Sejeong and made excuses asking if it would be okay to spend few days at her place. Her group's also stopped promoting and will probably not have much schedules so its okay for me to stay at her place I guess. She doesn't live in a dorm with her members hence I am going at her place.
I can't possibly go to my parent's house cause if they see me in a state like this then I will have to have a long talk which is what I want to avoid the most. I don't own an apartment for myself either, I always thought there was no need for it. I was always the one who tried to build team spirit in everything.
Was. Will never try to be one again.
I pulled into Sejeong's apartment and parked the car, carefully making my way in order to not disturb the neighbors. Once I rang the bell she opened it a few minutes later. I was greeted with her still sleepy face and a hug. Since it was still cold outside she quickly dragged me in and shut the door.
I feel so sorry, she might have probably been waiting for me. I made her loose her sleep by suddenly saying I will be coming over this early.
After she took my bag and placed it on the table she asked me to sit down then went to the kitchen to make me something.
Jihyo : " Thank You for accepting my request Sejeong-ah and so sorry for disturbing your sleep. "
I said apologizing with a pout. I really feel very sorry.
She just turned around and smiled warmly.
Sejeong : " This isn't something you should be thanking me for, after all you have helped me so many times and this is nothing compared to it moreover am I not your friend? "
She said wiggling her eyebrows and I smiled at her.
Friend. Funny thing God still hasn't took my friends from me too. I want to cherish her forever and not hurt her like I did to the others
I was lost in my thoughts when Sejeong's question brought me back to reality.
Sejeong : " So. Tea, coffee or Hot choco? "
Hmmm so many options to chose from.
Jihyo : " Soju "
I said looking straight at her and she looked at me with a look that said 'You insane?'
Sejeong : " Girl its toooo early in the morning to drink right now. You sure about what you chose? "
I smiled at the way she said it, she looked at me as if I am insane and also said like she's my mom lecturing me about my drinking habits.
Jihyo : " I don't know Sej I just need it.... liquor is the only thing that will keep my mind sane right now. "
I said lying back on the hood of her couch and sighing. When I called her the other night and said I had to stay in her place she asked me if everything was alright, I just dismissed it by replying
" We have to move out from the dorm and have to stay separately as ordered by our CEO "
She was sure that I was not telling her the truth so she asked me why I couldn't move out tomorrow morning and had to move out so early in the night. I just replied lamely that we will have no time to move out in the morning and will also disturb the neighbors so I am doing it early in the morning. Sure she didn't buy it but just let it slide.
She's worried a lot about me and it shows but she isn't asking for which I am very grateful cause I am not in the mood to speak. I just want to drink and pass out.
Sejeong : " Oh-okay. Now.... we got Champagne, Margarita, wine. What would you prefer my lady? "
I chuckled at her bartender way of speaking and also her accent.
Jihyo : " Just Soju please. "
I said while looking at her when she gave me a disapproving look
Sejeong : " Girl we got so many expensive menu here and you chose to go with Soju? really? "
She asks shocked and it makes me giggle. Yes this is my best friend, a dork just like me. Maybe that's why we fit so well.
Jihyo : " Whatever menu we have nothing can beat our world famous Soju. "
I exclaim as if I am describing to her that unicorns do exist.
Sejeong : " Point Taken, As expected that brain of yours is the most intelligent thing on earth. "
We both chuckle and she brings over two bottles of Soju to the table and places it there. I look at her surprised and give her a disapproving look
Jihyo : " Sej you know that I alone would finish it all up in one go, what will you drink then? come on bring more and give your drinking buddy some company. "
I whined and she just shook her head.
Sejeong : " No sis, there's no way you are gonna finish all those today. I won't let you, so babe better deal with the less stock. "
I pout and give her my puppy eyes and doing some aegyo so I can convince her and get those other bottles of soju out from the cupboards that they are trapped in. I even cling onto her arms and pull it and shake her like a 5 year old begging to get a candy.
She sighs and facepalms herself then eventually goes in and bring out other two bottles from the cabinet. I grin and clap excitedly like a kid.
Sejeong : " I was planning to have them some other day, Girl you better buy me it back. "
I grin at her and then we both burst out laughing. Then she starts grabbing the glasses while I set up the table.
I know for a fact that she was going to hide it from me and drink it all by herself.
When done setting everything up she brings some kimchi with her so we can eat along while drinking. Its giving me Deja Vu. People might not know it but I and Sejeong are drinking buddies. This the same brand of Soju that brought us together and made us become best friends. We have shared many embarrassing incidents with each other while we were drunk even before we had each other's number.
I smile widely at the memory and look at Sejeong. She's trying to gulp up a large shot at once. She's been trying to do that since many years but she can't unlike me who can drink a bottle at once she's still on the sober side of drinking.
One shot after the other leads to another shot until I am sure I am a bit drunk and have finished at least one bottle.
Everything looks so blurry, did my eyesight worsen? Geez I should have worn my lens or glasses.
Why is everything wobbly? OH MY GOD ARE WE HAVING A EARTHQUACK???!!!!!!
Jihyo : " Sejeong-ahhhhhhhhhhh "
I scream and move towards her and hug her tightly and cry over her shoulders.
Jihyo : " Sejeong there's a earthquack, I am gonna die! I will swallow the earth, thank you for me being your best friend and me taking care of you. I miss you much, lets meet soon in previous life. "
I said and hear her laugh as she places her hand around my head and pats it.
Why is she laughing? I just expressed how grateful I am for her for taking care of me when the earth is gonna end, as in literally swallow me and she's laughing?
She's gone insane someone call the ambulance! I don't wanna see my best friend in a mental hospital.
I grip my hands tighter around her and stay like that for a few more minutes.
Wait- what Am I doing? I should be happy that the world is finally ending me! I stood up- dang!
Shit! what's happening? Why am I seeing the world go round and round and round like a mary-my-god? I place my hand over both the sides of my head and try to keep it in place. Geez it feels like my head is spinning like a spin top 390 degree complete- or was is 340? who cares I was bad at history anyway.
I head towards Sejeong's LARGE fridge. Strange.... when I got here it looked so small but now its grow. Maybe it had too much vegetables and fruits. Good boy, you should eat vegies to grow no matter how much they suck at taste.
But how dare you grow more than me!!!! Are you making fun of my height and mocking me for not being able to grow no matter what I do?! You bad machine you deserve a beating!
I punch it- aish!! it hurts so much! how can this thing be so strong? Anyway, I don't care about you. Just give me my pineapple back.
I open its mouth and take out the orange colored pineapple from the fruit rack and close the fridge's mouth. I grabbed a knife, salt while on my way back. I placed them on the table and cut it into pieces and added some salt. Wait- one bottle would be enough right?
Maybe I will just add a little more.
After pouring the sugar to the apple- opps 'Pineapple' I get ready to eat it.
Waaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! What is this thing with five little branches growing out of it placed on my hand???????
Is a monster going to eat me before I can eat my pine tree apple?
I follow it backwards which leads to a human looking face. I squint my eyes to get a clear view. Oh! its my Sejeong unnie!
Jihyo : " Unnie you wanna have some too don't you? wait I will add some more sugar for you. "
I said and grabbed that bottle but then she held my hand and placed the bottle away, I just pout at her and she gives me a grin.
Sejeong : " Ji you are drunk. And did you forget your allergy to pineapples? I don't even have your med here. "
But I am not allergic to pineapples! or was I? Ah whatever just let me eat this vegetable please. I just want to grow tall like that fridge. That thing ate this and grew Sooooo tall in only few minutes.
Jihyo : " Unnie.. this isn't pineapple. Its Pine and apple and I am not allergic to it so please let me eat it please please..... "
I begged while making cute aegyo. Wait what am I even saying? Aegyo's meaning itself is cute.
I giggle to myself finding my joke funny and Sejeong unnie looks at me as If I am insane. If she gets to hear this joke she will be rolling on the ground laughing.
Sejeong : " Ji are you drunk already? "
Me? drunk? no way! I am the best drinker among all idols remember?
Jihyo : " No unnie I am not drunk, I am drinking right now. "
I make a joke and laugh at it again. My humor is great isn't it? wow from where do I get these funny jokes from? I am a genius! I take the bottle of soju and drink the liquor out again.
It gives a burning sensation in my throat but also tastes very good! No chimpanzee and Margaret and Winny can top the taste of Soju.
Sejeong unnie puts up three fingers up in the air. What? are you doing counting unnie? I thought we learnt it ages ago in kinder garden. Are you that dumb you forgot it so soon?
I giggle again.
Sejeong : " Wanting to eat pineapple and forgetting you have an allergy "
She says and put one of her fingers down, I stare at her as if she's out of mind. I hiccup too!
Sejeong : " Calling me unnie. "
She puts another finger down. I see there is only one finger up in the air. Poor it, it looks so lonely.
I reach out to it and hold it with my fingers. Mr. Thumb go make friends with it and you too Ms. Pinky be nice to Sejeong unnie's lonely finger and the rest of you guys make it feel comfortable around here.
Sejeong : " Cracking up lame dad jokes. "
She says and put the other finger away, I whine, Please don't take that poor finger away. It was starting to make friends! and what do you mean dad joke? I never joked about my dad, or did I? My dad is a very great man you know.
I look at Sejeong unnie and she looks determined as hell. Is she going to serve in the military or something?
Sejeong : " Ji these three main points conclude that you are drunk and will pass out anytime soon. "
Jihyo : " Pass out? mewh??? "
I chuckle hardly or maybe laugh. Unnie is learning to crack good jokes like me, my influence is truly strong. I press my lips together and give an approving nod at her. Wait- I need to continue my sentence
Jihyo : " . Unnie I am the best drinker and if I would have passed out then I would have passed when I tried to really doing it in my room the other nights. I am a coward unnie, no matter how much I tired I still couldn't pass out these past few days. "
I said feeling something very miserable. I hang my head down with gloomy clouds forming in my eyes. Its true though- I wanted to end everything, even pathetically tried to take overdose of my sleeping pills but guess what? God likes to torment me hence I woke up the next day, probably the pills were less.
I felt Sejeong unnie's hands on my back then when I looked up she hugged me tight.
I can-can't breathe!
She releases me and smiles at me sympathetically, why? I am not in such pity you know.
Sejeong : " Lets get you to bed "
She says with a soothing voice and drags me with and into a room, I close my eyes shut. Feeling too lazy to even move a finger hence poor her has to drag me through the long hallway or maybe its just my imagination.
She lays me on the bed and I make myself comfortable and curl up with my knees close to my face and hug it.
Whoever made the saying 'Friend in Need is a friend indeed' lied. It should have been 'Friend when you are drunk is a friend indeed'
I feel Sejeong unnie draping a blanket around me and she soothes my hair saying,
Sejeong : " You don't have to deal with all of it alone Jihyo-yah. I will always be there to hear. You are such a wonderful girl, the most kindest and selfless person I ever met in my life but you suffer so much that it hurts me too. You deserve only happiness, all these pain are just a test which you will soon pass. Just trust yourself and me okay? I will make sure you are happy. "
I feel tears running down my eyes as she says those words, I even Hiccup probably from the too much alcohol and crying.
Sejeong unnie wraps me in a warm embrace and shussh's me to sleep.
It hurts so much, I feel that the world is against me and I am alone left to deal with it all by myself. No one wants to help me out and think I am the villain. At times when I lost my everything having my best friend beside me telling its all okay and will all soon pass away and she will be by my side is- I don't deserve a friend like her but- but I want her. I can't let go of the only person I now have to rely on.
After patting my head once and saying some more reassuring words, she heads back to her room after making sure I am not crying anymore. I ask her to keep the lamp lights on. I don't like sleeping in the dark. I have enough darkness around me I don't need more.
Also maybe I am scared of getting seeped into the darkness and hurting the rest of the people by my side or maybe that I will forever be inside this darkness and will never escape.
Closing my eyes shut I try to get some sleep but I know for a fact that I won't get any again, not unless I take my sleeping pills.
.
.
.
.
.
.
---------------------------------------------------
Thank You for reading. Hope you guys enjoyed!
You : " A short chapter! "
Me : " Yes I know, I am really sorry >_< "
Also this is just a filler chapter guys, I wanted to showcase how much deep and grate friendship Jihyo and Sejeong have, will proceed with the main plot in the next chapter so look forward to it ;)
*already warned in the beginning so please don't blame me if anything affected you*
Yes I am Jihyo is so good!!!! How can she be both attractive and cute at the same time and within 50 seconds she showed off literally every existing concept. How can she attack us like that?
You guys better buy many copies of Jihyo's Hyotobook. Lets all get bankrupt! lol
Also did you see the surprise pic with caption and letter thing that TWICE account posted today? I wonder what its for, maybe the English single? What do you guys think?
ARMYs!!! The weverse is a mess right? Geez I need back the app which was exclusively for Big Hit artists and was a safe place for our boys. I know we all are frustrated at the issue but lets not blame the others idols cause they don't have anything to do with it, if any lets blame those fans (toxic ones that is not all) Lets spread love and positivity in the BTS section okay?
Anyway, lets forget all the bitterness and try to find positivity in things.
Byie, take care~