My Life My Rules

Chapter 83: Remember This

Waiting patiently as Lain barely found the strength to lift herself her out of her bedsheet to sit up, the woman refused to look at her wife. Lain didn't want Nina seeing her like this. Or at all. She wanted space. She wanted to keep her safe. She wanted to keep her happy.

But how can you preserve happiness after taking the source of it away?

After she felt Nina immediately bringing her in for a warm hug, Lain realized that while she may have been stuffed under a load of blankets all day, she hadn't felt this warm until now. Nina's touch seemed to wash away the freezing despair she carried around with her.

"What's going on lately? Why do you seem even further than normal?" She asked bluntly.

Nina wanted to be gentle, but at the same time she was selfish, she wanted her wife back. And she wanted answers.

"N-Nina I can't." Lain tenderly said.

"Can't?...C-can't what?" The woman gulped as her nervous mood turned to one of fear.

"Nina...I..." Lain stuttered after every word as tears dropped down the red lines on her cheeks, almost as if they were walking down a pre-set path.

"What're you saying?"

Lain was silent as she turned with a fearful look in her eyes as she stared down at her feet.

"Babe?" Nina tried feeling more overwhelmed than before.

"Lain?!" She shouted louder when her wife still refused to acknowledge her question. "Talk to me." She begged out of desperation.

"I want you to be happy." Lain admitted with absolute certainty in her voice. That was the most certain she seems to have been all week long. Following her statement, Lain's tone got softer and frailer with every letter that escaped her lips. "I just wanted to protect you all from everything."

"You have babe." Nina assured as she breathed out deeply. "You have protected us. The girls don't know anything about your mom, and their as happy as can be."

"But that's just it babe. They've never met my family before and they are all doing so well for themselves. They all seemed so happy when you come in here to tell me what they've done earlier."

"Babe you took that out of context. The girls may be having fun, but it's cause their girls. They're playing and being carefree. I don't want them stressing about this like we are. I know what I said earlier but that wasn't what I meant. The girls may be having fun, but that's because they have one another to laugh with. They've learned to play together and they're making use of that skill. It has nothing to do with your mom."

Nina had to pause to breathe for it felt as if she had held her breathe the entire time. She needed her wife to know nothing was her fault. Nina hoped that the sooner Lain realized that, the sooner they would be back to where they left off.

As she caught her breathe, Nina could see Lain going to defend her point again, and in her haste to stop her excuses the woman rushed up and ran into their closet. Surprising her wife by her sudden movement, Lain was brought to more tears when she saw what her wife was holding when she stepped out of their closet.

Standing in the open doorway to their clothes storage, Nina held two beautifully made white gowns. One hooked around each arm she put them out on proud display. "Do you remember what these are?" She asked her tearing wife.

"Of course I do." The woman said. "They're our wedding dresses." She said as Nina walked over to her before handing Lain her old gown.

"I remember how special that day was." Nina said softly as she rubbed her thumbs along the lacy fabric of her dress. "I remember you were panicking about whether this was a commitment you wanted to make, I remember how nervous you were to say your vows," chuckling behind her subtle tears Nina felt held back by her sobs. "I remember seeing you walk out and onto the aisle for the first time in your dress."

"And how I nearly broke my ankle when I almost fell over that hidden rock on the ground." Nina was surprised to hear Lain speak so casually.

Looking over with her glassy eyes, Nina's heart nearly skipped a beat when she saw that the small ball of light returned in her wife's eyes. Dim but present. Smiling as wide as she could, Nina grabbed her wife by the hand as she held her dress with the other. "This is our relationship babe." She said looking at their wedding dresses. "Simple on the outside...yet complicated within." Their attention shifted from the easy shape of the dress to the little details hidden throughout the fabric.

While the women's dresses were different they had many similarities. From the intricate lace design to beads spread around, there certainly was more than what meets the eye.

"We're not easy babe. We've got unique challenges in our lives that make us so much more. We've got our hardships just like anyone else. And I've told you this before, but I'll tell you again. I don't care what your mom thinks about us. I don't care what your dad thinks about us. I don't care what the world has to say about us. I know in my heart how much I love you and that's all that matters. Getting married to you is one of the best decisions I've ever made. And I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat."

Letting her words sink in, Nina watched as her wife bawled out trying to avoid staining her dress with her tears. "Even if my parents give us trouble?" She said painfully.

"All that and more. I'd still marry you in a heartbeat."

"I don't make you feel trapped?"

"Never." Nina put their dresses down as she made her way into her wife's arms. Holding on tightly to one another the women stood silently crying together in the dark. "The only person who feels trapped is you, babe. You're trapping yourself in our room all day long when the cure for all of this is just a few doors down. You've got our girls and me, we're all here for you."

With her final words Lain collapsed even further into her wife's arms. Tears were pouring down and over her shoulders.

Even after spending an eternity in one another's arms, neither of them wanted anyone to break their hold. They held onto one another for dear life. Finally something they both could agree on.
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Let me know what you think. Thank Lexx signing off