Found (BxB)

CHAPTER 11

Kaden dropped me off at my house after two hours of me trying to make him understand physics. This proved to be really hard, since he didn't even know what they're teaching. Every time I did the simplest math or simply used a formula, he looked at me with wide eyes and his lips in an 'o' shape like I had just discovered the cure for some disease, and kept telling me how much of a genius I was.

I always blushed and told him to shut up when he called me a genius, but I secretly enjoyed being called smart. Especially by him.

When I got home, I went straight to the kitchen, feeling desperate for dinner. Kaden asked me if I wanted to grab some food with him somewhere, but I told him it was best for me to come home since I didn't have the money and I knew he would pay for me and wouldn't want me to pay him back later. I guess it was better for me to always have extra money with me, because I always ended up eating with Kaden somewhere.

"Hey"

My brother's voice made me jump and almost drop the plate that I had grabbed on the floor. I put the plate down on the counter and clutched my chest, trying to calm my beating heart. I turned around to see Jonathan leaned against the counter, with his arms crossed over his chest and a small lipped smile that didn't reach the corner of his eyes.

"Hey" I replied weakly, not knowing how to talk to him after our argument sooner.

"Are you... are you feeling better?"

I nodded, shifting my gaze to my feet and dragging them across the floor as a way to distract myself from our awkward interaction.

"Did... Did Kaden help you?" I knew he was being cautious by asking this question; he didn't trust Kaden but didn't want to piss me off or start another argument.

"He did" I nodded again "He really has nothing to do with this, Jonathan. I wouldn't be around him if he was a bad influence. Trust me, okay?"

"I trust you" Jonathan said "And I don't want to sound childish, but I just don't understand how come you tell him what you're going through and he can help you, and you don't tell your own brother. You don't let me help you and... and this is really bothering me"

I sighed and scratched the back of my neck, trying to find a reasonable lie in my mind. I didn't intend to open up to Kaden, it just... happened. And I didn't have so much to lose by talking to him. But telling my brother... a lot of damage could be done if things didn't go well. And I wasn't ready to come out. I didn't know if I would ever be.

"I didn't tell Kaden anything" It was a half-true "He just happened to meet me in a vulnerable moment and the way he talks to me makes me feel better. I didn't tell him what I am going through. He just helped me by cheering me up. And the reason why I don't tell you it's because you can't do anything to help me, alright? It's a thing I have to deal with on my own. You just have to let it go and leave me alone"

"How can you ask me to let this go?" He was beginning to get agitated "I saw you lose control two times in a week. You throw up, you cry desperately, punch mirrors, don't want to talk with me because 'you're not much of a talker', tear pillows apart, and you don't want any help. How can you think I would be so much of a shitty brother and would let you deal with whatever this is on your own?"

I clenched my hands, not knowing what to say next. I understood him, of course. Jonathan was always a protective brother and my friend, and if it was the other way around, I would want to help him too. I would be worried too. But I couldn't tell him. I simply couldn't.

"If you want to help me then just... be there for me, okay?" I suggested, trying to put an end to this conversation "Now can we talk about something else? Or we can watch a movie. I'm starving and really don't want to eat alone" I actually didn't mind eating alone, but I was willing to let Jonathan stay with me to give him the false sensation of helping.