Hold You Tighter | TaeGyu

Lonely

Beomgyu suddenly sits up and arranges some pillows to keep the phone. His hands shake when he's about to hit the play button. But he finally inhales a breath and hits it. His eyes admire the polaroids in his hands.

The voice message starts with some shuffling sound. Very low volume. His ears perk up and he faces the phone. For a good amount of time, there's nothing. Just shuffling and then quite a loud sound as if someone tripped but he takes that as something just fell on the floor. Again, just the muffled sound in the recording makes him frown.

Maybe he sent that by mistake, Beomgyu figures. But then, why would he hide if it was really just a mistake?

He reaches out to the phone and exactly the moment his hands are going to touch it, he hears it and stops right there.

"H-Hyung...."

The ash-blonde's eyes widen and his hands start to shake. "Hyunie", he says as tears fall because he can feel it, the tiredness in the younger's voice.

"Hyung I'm sorry. I d-didn't mean to push you away. I was just tired and I had too many thoughts on my head. I'm so sorry for making you angry", he continues as Beomgyu carefully listens. The latter is sure that Taehyun's voice is hoarse and weary.

"Yo-You can touch me all you want. You can do whatever you want but please don't i-ignore me this way. I ca-can't take it anymore. Everything's getting hard without you. I feel so lonely, I don't like it. I miss you badly, hyung. I want to spend time with you. I want to love you, I want you to love me"

Then there's silence, well at least it seems so. But the way Beomgyu is snuggling with the phone, it's not unheard by him. Taehyun was sobbing, burying his face in the pillows, loudly. "Hy-hyunie! Hyunie what happened?", Beomgyu asks, facing the phone.

"Do you not lo-love me anymore, hyung?" The question breaks the older's heart into a million pieces.

"If you tell me to go away, I will. I promise I won't say anything about us to anyone. You do-don't have to worry about dating someone like me", Taehyun says trying to gather himself although Beomgyu can sense that his voice was breaking. His heart shrinks at the words.

"I'm sorry for ev-ev-everything. I'm sorry for always being clingy. I'm s-sorry for always wanting your attention. I'm sorry for always b-begging for affection. I know you don't like it at all but I'm such a fi-filthy human and maybe that's why you're... you're falling out of love. It isn't your fault that I'm a mess"

"But hyung...I just love y-you. I love you so much that it hurts", Taehyun finally breaks down in tears. "I o-only have you. I don't know.... what I will do if you leave me too. It may sound stupid but that's what I am, I am st-stupid. But it's true that I ca-can't live without you..."

And the recording ends there. Except, the younger bawling out his eyes. The recording was surely sent by mistake. And that's the reason Taehyun was trying to hide it by using stickers. He thought maybe the older will never scroll up to the top. God knows how many times Taehyun recorded these and just managed to delete them.

But Taehyun never switched off the recording. It ended because the time limit was over. It was just Taehyun crying in pain until he fell asleep.

Beomgyu is lying right next to the phone. No more tears left in his body. He just stares at the ceiling. He can't believe that the younger was going through a difficult phase and he wasn't there for him. He can never forgive himself for forgetting that Taehyun indeed, had only one person, from whom he always needed love. The boy never asked for more.

"I'm so sorry, Taehyun", he mumbles as his heart aches. "I'm sorry for making you feel like that. I'm the worst, hyunie. I just don't deserve your love, I don't deserve you"