complicated; jonah marais {COMPLETED}

41. little paws

His golden paws rest on my thighs while his tongue sticks out of his mouth. His tail wagged happily and he panted with excitement, "has he gotten a name?" she pulls into the long driveway "I haven't really thought of it, got any ideas?" I pat his head and he looks up at me "I like the name Sawyer" she parks the car "Sawyer? I like it" I smile, "go around the back with him" I nod and step out with him in my arms, he was so calm but he was so excited. I walked to the side door and see the family in the living room probably watching the game. Momma Roth walks in and everyone's attention is on her she nods and I step in fast enough for everyone to realize at once "SURPRISE" we say together, everyone runs too me and starts petting the puppy. "It's so cute!" she's gushes, Esther smiles and kisses his head "what's his name?" Momma Roth pats my shoulder "Lu said Sawyer, I kind of like it" svea nods "so do I" everyone agrees and I smile "welcome to the family Sawyer" I look up to the smiling faces of everyone as they're watching him and petting him. I place on the floor and everyone crowds around, I sit down on the couch and momma Roth leaves out of the room. I notice Jonah sitting in the chair next to me but I don't budge, he smiled down at the group of people a few feet from us. I had a smile too, Sawyer wags his tail and walks up to Jonah. He sniffs him and then prances over to me and jumps onto my lap, "hello again" I joke, I pat his little head and rests himself in my lap and swiftly falls asleep. Svea laid across the couch besides me and had her head by his. The boys sat around the living room floor, The TV became the source of entertainment but I kept my eyes on Sawyer and even catching a few glimpses of Jonah.

An hour later everyone was wandering around the house and I stayed out with svea and Sawyer asleep on my lap. Corbyn walked up to mantle and was looking at the photos, i get a bot nervous as he gets closer to the pictures of Jonah and I. Just as I expected, he picks up the picture and jerks around looking at me "is this you?" I nod, "yeah" he looks at it again "you've changed a lot" he hesitates "so did Jonah" he puts it back down and sits down in the chair next to me, "isn't it weird? if you don't mind me asking" I sigh, "yeah, it's weird" he nods "do you still...ya know" I shrug "I don't know, I'm lost" I admit, he pats my shoulder "it's okay, everything will work out in the end" I smile faintly "I hope so" I hear someone approach, Jonah sweeps in and smiles at corbyn before leaning over his sister. He tries to pick her up from underneath bit couldn't quite get it, I picked up her head off my lap and help place her head on his shoulder, I lightly touched him but my entire body reacted as if he was touching me all over. I tense up and pull away, he meets my eyes for a second but quickly looks back at his sister "thanks" he says before leaving to living room "I felt the awkward tension from here" corbyn tries to joke. I sigh "I wish it wasn't like this" my voice barely auditable, corbyn stands up and sits besides me "what would you want it to be like?" I shrug "that's the thing I don't know, I'm so confused and I don't understand these feelings" corbyn goes to say something but was interrupted "Hey we should get some sleep" Zach's voice booms, Corbyn looks up at him "I'll be there in a second" Zach nods and walks back down the hallway, "just think about, don't force anything and definitely don't speak about it until you're completely sure" I nod and hug him "thanks bean, you always know what to say" he smiles "anytime Lucy, you've got my back and I've got yours". he stands up "goodnight!" I smile "goodnight" he scurries down the hallway, I bring my attention to the fireplace that still was burning. I felt this loneliness creep over me, the house was surprisingly quiet and I could just year the crackling of wood and the til from the clock on the wall.

I walk back up to the mantle and grab another photos of us. I stare at the two happy faces, why can't we go back? why can't I go back to the time where everything was so easy, everything felt like it was falling into place. I had my brother and mother by my side, a best friend who I did everything with, who's family called me their own and future planned out in my end. But then I fell, I fell for my best friend, my mom married someone new, my brother got engaged, i lost my best friend, my family and there I was. alone, cold and lost in the dark, everything changed within seconds. I want to go back and fix it, fix everything because maybe then will my life be better. It was so simple then, so easy, and now I'm lost and I don't know what to do.

"are you okay?" his voice sent chills down my spine, I quickly realized I was crying. I turned away from him placing the picture back on the mantle and I quickly tried to wipe away the tears "yeah" my voice was raspy from crying, "lu-lucy, what's wrong?" I clear my throat "nothing, just" I hesitate "reminiscing" he stays quiet for a second, that was when I realised he was walking towards me. he stood besides me and picks up the picture, "this was when our families went on a Sunday picnic together" I nod not looking at him directly "that was taken right before you threw me into the water" we both laugh, "you pulled me down with you" I smile "never underestimate me" he laughs again and I finally meet his eyes "those days were fun" he nods and looks back at the picture "yeah they were" a few seconds went by and I couldn't take the tension "I'm gonna get going, maybe I'll see you tomorrow" I walk to the couch and grab my keys then shoes and coat, "goodnight" he says, I nod "night" I close the door and walk into the chilly night, I walk to my old home and get ready for bed. He was always the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep.

💭

sorry it's been a hot ass minute, school is crippling.