complicated; jonah marais {COMPLETED}

32. goodbye jonah

Jonah's pov

She looks up at me finally with her eyes filled with tears, pain evident all over. I felt a part of my heart break..did I do that too her?? "You know what jonah.." her face scrunches as she tries her best to wipe away the tears and the new ones forcing their way out "no harm done, just like you said. No harm done." She wiped her face again walking past me to her house, I reach out grabbing her arm. She stops "let go of me" her voice was calm. I didn't let go "no, there was obviously harm done lucy. Tell me" she yanked her arm away "figure it out yourself jonah, you're not a fucking idiot" she storms inside and left me alone outside her house. There's really only one thing I did wrong, I wanted to make her feel better but with Lucy it's not always that easy. She would expect me to just leave and not run after her..so I'll do that. I walked up her steps and slowly opened the front door, I walked up the steps and freeze when her door opens. Daniel walks out with a frown, he sees me and shakes his head walking past me down the stairs "She doesn't want to talk" he mumbles, that won't stop me though. I knocked quietly opening the door not letting her even have the chance to shur me out. She stands up off her when she sees me "get out" her face was red from crying, I close the door behind "I'm not leaving you" she walls towards her bathroom "yes you are" she gets into the bathroom and locks the door. I walk to the door resting my head on it "lucy" i whisper, I know she can hear me. But she stays quiet, the only sound I hear is her weeping. I did that, I hurt her. The person who always wants to protect her and make her happy is the reason she's crying on her bathroom floor. Never in a billion years would I ever intentionally hurt her, I'm such a dumbass. I don't realise how fragile she is, she wants to be strong but after getting hurt over and over again..you just crack.

I fall to the ground leaning against the door, "I'm not leaving you" I say, she sniffles but doesn't say a word. I sit up with my back against the door, not making a sound but she still knew I was here. I didn't know how long it would take for her to come out but I was willing to stay here until she does. She cried for what felt like hours and each time she sniffled or wept my own guard broke. A wanted to cry with her, I wanted to feel the way I'm making her feel. Im such a horrible friend, I know I may seem like there was no harm done to me but that was a lie. But I rather continue lying to myself and her then letting the truth come out, I wasn't ready to be someone. Someone like her anyways, Lucy is all I could ever want in a girl but I'm not mentally ready let alone ready enough or even good enough for someone like her. Shes already so mature and knows what she wants and needs, she's ready for a relationship. She's loyal, bossy but in a good way, constructive and always right. Im quite the opposite of her, I need to grow before loving her. She doesn't deserve to get hurt anymore, she doesn't deserve me. Not after what I've done to her..

"Lucy I know you don't want to talk so just listen.." I let out the breath I was holding in "what I said was stupid, I don't know what I was thinking. I don't think before I say things, lately I've said things that only hurt you. The truth is I love you Lucy but you deserve more than me, I'm no good for you" she shuffles and the door opens, I look up at her. Her face was red from crying, I stand up "what if-" she wipes her face "what if I want you and only you" I bit my lip trying to hold back tears "you can't, you deserve better. I won't let you waste your time on me because in the end you'll end up hurt" she looks down at the ground, she didn't want to look at me and I don't blame her. I step closer "I'm sorry" she closes her eyes "can you-" she looks up at me "can you just give me some time" I nod and swallow hard, "yeah- um okay" I sigh and step away from her. "I'll see you around..?" I can't believe this was happening, I didn't expect her to just leave me like this..see you around? Are we even friends anymore?