complicated; jonah marais {COMPLETED}

31. no harm

"We can't keep doing this" she pulls away standing up, my heart drops and my body becomes cold. "Why?" I sounded cocky and wanted to punch myself, she huffs and shakes her head "We're best friends jonah, that's what you always say. We do something together then regret it this can't be back and forth like this" she looked and sounded distressed, she's right but I didn't want her to be "there hasn't been any harm done" she looked at me with a blank expression then at the ground "Yeah no harm done" she whispers, I sit on the edge of my bed starring up at her, she didn't make any eye contact with me. She stood there for a few seconds before turning around "I'll see you later" I stand up "wait-" she keeps walking, I follow behind her "Lucy please talk to me" she opens the front door but turns looking at me "what" I swallow hard "what's wrong?" She licks her lips, at first I thought she was teasing but her expression was serious  "nothing jonah, nothing"

Lucy's pov

"Nothing jonah, nothing" except I mean everything, "no harm done, just like you said" I feel myself begin to break but I couldn't let that happen, not in front of him. I quickly leave him standing at his front door, the tears fell before I even left his yard. How could I let myself fall for someone who wasn't falling for me? I literally signed myself up for failure, I walked into a battle feild with no armour. It hurts even more that every moment we shared meant nothing but fun for him, everytime we kissed, or even touched I was on cloud 9. But for him it was just an average day in his little fun house, I was just another girl except he can't get rid of me. It was all just a game for him, but for me i almost feel ashamed to even think it would work. I really let myself believe he would feel the same way, i denied it and denied it and i finally stopped the battle with myself and gave in. I admitted to myself i had feeling for him, and i believed he could possibly feel the some way but after what just happened i doubt their will ever be us, jusy the same old best friends we've been this entire time. Im such a fucking idiot! Even after everything that's happened  between us, nothing will change, everything will be how it's always been. Me secretly in love with him, and him knowing this and pulling me by a little string. I don't think he means it intentionally atleast I hope so, I feel like he thinks all the things I say and do for him are just acts of a best friend and he returns them but I don't do what I do to him and for him because it's my duty to as a best friend, I do it because I love him. I obviously love him more than he loves me, which is no one's fault but my own. I let myself fall for him, I know i am being confusing but I'm confused. I have to stop, I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't keep falling for him, I will only end up crying myself to sleep because someone I love doesn't love me back. Yeah Jonah loves me but not the way I love him..