complicated; jonah marais {COMPLETED}

34. isn't it crazy

Lucy's pov

It's been a few weeks since a last seen the boys, I was more comfortable talking to Daniel and Jack over course. They had released a ep and I've been listening to it non-stop, the sound of Jonah's voice playing on my spotify app made me feel some type of way. I keep thinking of all the times he's told me about his career, "one day ill be playing on the radio" and I would say, "one day you'll be playing in sold out arenas" it was nostalgia for me. Although I didn't see him when I went over there, I still felt him. and I know I sound crazy, but I've known him for so many years. I know when he's there, even though I didn't see him. He saw me, I wanted to see him as much as I was scared to. i still wanted to see his face, to see his smile but when we meet again there won't be smiles. It would be too difficult to look one another in the eye, but we atleast do it for a split second enough to remember our faces. Yeah I know it's only been 3 months but in the last 3 months I have changed jurracticly appearance and mentally. I could only guess that he did as well, unless he's just the same old same old Jonah who never realised how much I loved him.

My phone buzzes and my managers named lights up the screen, I pick up her call almost immediately. "Hello Mrs. Anne" I can imagine her smile in my head she was one of the sweetest people I've ever met in L.A. "just call me anna, lucy" she laughs, "sorry, it's a habit" she laughs again "it's a good habit to be in actually anyways.." She takes in a deep breath, we have a meeting Thursday afternoon. Remember when I said we might be an opener for a tour, well a small tour" I nod but then realised she couldn't see me "yes", "well we'll meet with their manager first and if he likes you then we'll meet with the artists but you won't meet them til friday" I stand up from my chair and walk to the window "them?"
"yes, them, they're a band, I don't quite know all the details yet" I fix my eyes on the people below me walking "alright" I could hear the dismay in my voice and so can she, "what's wrong? you don't want to do this?" I shake my "no no, i want to this trust me, I just think I know who were meeting" she pauses "do you not like them" I sigh "no i like them, it's just, I have a past with one of them only if we're talking about the same people" I hear her shuffle through paper "it's why don't we" I swallow hard, "yeah, that's them" she sighed "may I ask whom and what happend?" I clear my throat quietly "one of them used to be my best friend and I developed feeling for him and I kind of just cut him off" I didn't want to tell her the details but I knew if I did she wouldn't want me taking the offer but I could really use this tour for my music. "Lucy you don't have to take this offer -" I cut her off "no, I want to take it." She stays quiet for a few seconds, I kind of regretted cutting her off but I knew if I let her continue I would deny the offer "okay lucy, you promise me this will all be okay?" I close my eyes "promise" she took a deep breath "okay lucy, I'll see Thursday"
"see you thursday" I respond, she hangs up and I fall onto my couch.

Thursday is two days away, I have 2 days to prepare myself well technically 3 since I don't see them still Friday. I grab my suing l song book and almost immediately start writing, ideas or a rough draft. I wrote how I felt,

It's crazy, the way you made me feel
The way even after being away from eachother
My heart still flickers at the thought of you
I life you in hopes it would be easier to cope
so far I've managed but I can't help but think of you at night
your face in my dreams, my memories.
it all traces back to you

[i am not a song writer so please don't attack me because yes I know it's cringey and yes I know it's bad okay..lets move on]

I reread the words a few times before closing my book completely. I struggled to fall asleep that night due to the amount of nervousness and anxiety I have let consume me. Maybe meeting him again won't be as hard as I imagined, maybe he moved on, maybe all these thoughts and these worries will go away and make everything so much easier or it can go the complete opposite. im afraid everything I've bundled up will sprawl out, every feeling, every emotion, every thing i kept locked up for the last 3 months will make its way back to the surface. The things I've kept hidden won't be smiles, and all that hard work will crumble. im not blaming this on him, im the blame. I was the one who feel for my best friend, I was the one who decided we needed to and it all but I never expected us to cross paths as soon as we are. But you have to face your fears somehow, my fear is falling back into love with someone. That's not possible if you never fell put of love, so I guess I'm scared that my heart will put me through pain more, the heart wants what the heart wants but sadly all it's doing is hurting.

isn't it crazy how one person can consume you completely and no matter what they're always on your mind?

💭

sorry it's been SO LONG since I last updated writers block is killing me

thanks for surpassing 7k views !! ily ♡

follow & check out my other books if you want :)