complicated; jonah marais {COMPLETED}

37. lu?

Lucy's POV

I fall asleep with Daniel and Jack besides me, we were all sprawled out over my bed. my nap didn't last long though, I was awaked by the bus suddenly stopping. I peek through the curtain, we were at a gas station, I decided to stay put in my room too afraid to run into someone and have to speak to them, i felt somewhat drained and didn't want to carry on conversation but it was probably because I was hungry. Daniel and Jack were knocked out cold, I laugh to myself at the ridiculous position they were both in. I look out towards the front of the bus, I couldn't see anyone. it was almost quiet, im assuming everyone else had fallen asleep. I slip into my slides and walk quietly to the front of the bus not wanting to wake anyone else. I get off and greet the bus driver before going inside to get some snacks, i came back within a minute with gummy worms, chocolate and a bag of chips. I get myself a water from the fridge then sit down and the table, I open my chips trying my best to be as quiet as possible and begin to eat them while looking down at my phone.

About 20 minutes past by before I hear someone walking down the hallway, although they were walking slowly I could still hear their heavy foot steps on the bus floor, I knew right away who it was, the walking was so familiar but it felt so strange to hear. I gulped some water and took a deep breath trying to prepare myself for a conversation I wasn't quite ready to have. I try to keep my eyes glued to my phone but my curiosity gets the best of me, I look up to see Jonah standing shirtless with his back to me. I felt like I was whipped with whiplash, his back muscles and messy hair was enough for me to feel tingles everywhere. I try to peel my eyes off of him but it took every muscle in my body. I knew it would take forever to get over these feelings but I was beginning to think they were fading. but seeing him again, literally everytime i looked at him, I'm reminded of those feelings. I turn to my chips and watch him turn around closing the fridge, he slipped into the booth across from me. He had one of those premade salads, he opened it before looking up at me "hey" I meet his eyes, my heart beat races "hey, how was your nap?" i wanted to stay chill and carrying on a casual conversation will help distract us or at least me from the dreaded conversation "it was okay, I have to get used to sleeping on a bus, I've been on many but it's still hard to get used to" I nod agreeing "I didn't sleep well, Daniel and Jack are though" I laugh, he smiles "you'll get used to" I bite into a chip, semi distracting myself from his face, we sounded like strangers talking to each other "hopefully, otherwise this will be a difficult tour for me" i let out a laugh that sounded like I was nervous and I knew he'd catch on. He knows me more than anyone else, he can read me like the back of the hand and in this moment it made me uncomfortable since it's been so long, we spoke like strangers but deep down we know everything about each other but are too afraid to voice anything other than this dumb stale conversation to fill in the awkward silence. It's like we're trying to cover up everything the two of us have ever shared, pretend like it was all a dream, are we ashamed? or are we scared to fix the problem at hand? Sometimes I wish I never wrote that note, I never placed it in his mailbox. But it was good for me in the end, right? I still have feelings for him, im not standing there getting hurt, at least that's what my brain is telling me. i know he isn't the one for me, he's made that clear but there's a small part of me that still holds on and it's probably dangerous. I was there for every heartbreak he ever had, I held him when he needed me, even when I had those feelings, I helped him find dates, even when i had feelings for him, i helped him become a better man for someone who isn't me and in the end i was the one who suffered the worse heartbreak. He'll fall in love with someone else and without realizing I'll be hurt again but no where near how hurt I was a few months back, at least I hope so.

"lu?" I stop breathing, "Lucy, um, you okay?" he caught himself, I released the breath of air I was holding in "yeah uh, just thinking" I murmur, fuck! suddenly I'm nervous and my legs begin to shake. Why did that simple word just made me react like that? I slide out of the booth closing up my chips "I, uh, im..going to my room" I say before walking back, my body trembles and I quickly lay down. I look out the window watching the cars go by, i over reacted, I know I did but why? I close my eyes forcing myself to sleep.

Jonah's POV

She quickly leaves the table as my heart races, I didn't mean to call her "lu". I couldn't go 2 minutes without making the conversation uncomfortable, it's so difficult to see her now. She's grown up more than I expected, she's changed a lot but those feelings haven't changed, at least on my end. I just want us to stay friends, that's what I've always wanted and I want it to stay that way and it needs to stay that way but that's not what my heart wants.

I take a deep breath and sit back in the seat and quietly think, think of her and think of everything I've missed out on the last 3 months. 3 months changes a lot of things, it sounds so short but it feels different seeing her now. it's like it's all new to me, she changed both in a good way and bad. We aren't as close as we used to be, which was expected from the way we left, but i don't feel the same connection I did years ago. It's like an empty space in my heart, I didn't like it, I wanted to fill that void as fast as possible.

💭

I'm sorry this chapter is kind of short, writers block is horrible atm

anyways thanks for the support lately, it means a lot!!

ily<3