complicated; jonah marais {COMPLETED}

32. goodbye jonah

"Okay" I whisper before walking out of her room and then her house. Where does this leave us, where do i stand in her life? I don't want to push her more than I already have, I'll leave her be for now. She where her head is, maybe we can still be best friends..atleast I hope so. I don't want to lose her, that's the whole reason I don't want to date her. I never want to lose her.

I lie in bed all night tossing and turning thinking of her, thinking of what I should have said differently all those times, thinking about what could have come from us or how everything would change. Am I the one suffering or is it her?

Lucy's pov

It shouldn't be his choice, I shouldn't have to stop loving him. I already fell for him, it hurts more to think we would never be together. I know what I want and I know what I deserve but I guess I'm not what he wants and I can't force that. It will take me awhile to fall out of love with him, if it's even possible but I know one way to make it happen quicker. I sit in bed starring down at my phone, before I even fully thought everything through I had already bought my ticket.

I get up from my bed and find Daniel outside my door, he stands up almost immediately "sorry, I was uh waiting for you" I shake my head gesturing it was okay "i uh just 2 tickets to Canada, do you want to go. If not I can ask sofia" his jaw drops, I know what I said shocked him but he didn't question my thinking "yeah..ill go but why Canada?" I walk into my room with him behind me "visiting a friend" I know it's sudden but I do miss him so I might as well go. I've always wanted to go to Canada too. I of course made sure he knew I was coming before I went. The trip would last for a week and I would be back home, maybe him and Daniel can help me clear my head. And no I don't mean to use them, they're two of my best friends other than Jonah still around. All my childhood friends broke ties with me, it sucks but its the circle of life.

"May I ask who?" I sit down on my bed and my head began to throb "My friend shawn" Daniel nods remembering me telling him about shawn. I grab my head and reach for some medicine, I take a few ibuprofen in hope it would help me with this headache. "We leave tomorrow afternoon" I texted Sofia the news, she was okay with it infact she wanted to invite her new boy toy over anyways. We lay down in my bed starring at the ceiling, the quiet didn't last long "are you doing this because of him?" I sigh and turn to meet Daniels gaze "yeah" I whisper, I bit the inside of my cheek "I need to go somewhere to clear my mind and you and Shawn have both helped me through this wild ride with Jonah. I need to be somewhere that doesn't remind me of him" I furrows his brows "are you planning on forgetting him? Why do you want to forget him?" I felt like crying but there was no tears left to cry "I don't want to forget him, I want to forget the feelings I've felt" he frowns and looks down my hands that sat on my stomach I had a tight grasp on them, he puts his hand on mine "I hope this goes well, I know how this all feels" he keeps his eyes on my hands and a part of me feels guilty "I'm not doing this to you right?" He shakes his head "at first yes but now, no. Trust me you're an amazing person and you're so beautiful inside and out.." He looks me in the eyes "I wouldn't want to make this time any more confusing plus I haven't been with you enough to fall, and i know I shouldn't and I won't because even if it doesn't happen you will never love someone like you love Jonah and I wouldn't be able to love you knowing I was never your first choice" my eyes finally let out more tears that I didn't know I had in me, I wish I never brought him between us or in this crazy roller coaster of emotions. I hurt him and although Daniel wont admit it I know I did it. His beautiful soul and heart were crushed by me, I have himhope then he realised that nothing could ever happen between us. The same thing Jonah did to me, I did to him "I'm so sorry" I whisper, he pulls me into his neck "shhhh" he fans his fingers through my hair "no need to be sorry, I'm over it. You'll always be my best friend and nothing will ever change between us. I didn't have enough time to fall as much as you did" I pull away from him and then pulling him into my neck "I'm still sorry daniel, I love you" his chuckle was muffled by the small space between us "I love you too" we lay in the same position quietly after awhile I began to her his low snores.