Together (Demi Lovato Adoption)

Chapter Forty-Five

DEMI'S POV

My entire world came to a screeching halt. Ellie's words made my entire body freeze up and stand at her door heaving, begging for oxygen to get to my brain so that it could tell me to keep moving. I needed to get into her room, I needed to get to Ellie -- before it was too late.

It all happened so quickly. Without any warning, my hands suddenly launched towards the door handle and opened it with a twist, revealing Ellie who looked worse for wear to say the least. Her hair looked as though it hadn't been washed in weeks, the mattered mess being badly disguised by a loose bun that was one sudden movement away from being undone.

"Ellie, please," Her name escaped my mouth in a single breath, barely audible. She still seemed to hear though as her head snapped up to look at me, her eyes darker than usual. I hadn't ever seen her like this -- it looked as though she was looking straight through me.

"Mom? What's wrong?" Even though it was clear to me that she was struggling, her first thought was that I was the one who needed help -- the one that needed comforting.

"Nothing --"

"Bullshit."

I was taken aback by the change in tone in just a few seconds, yet didn't dwell on it, knowing that it wasn't her fault. She was sick -- it was obvious.

"Ellie, please talk to me. Anything you've wanted to say to me, anything you need to tell me -- right now is your chance to say it. I know I've been the world's shittiest parent, but I want to make it up to you. I'm so sorry."

The teenager didn't respond for a few moments, silence lingering in the air for longer than it should have. I reached my hand out to hold my daughter's hand, earning a look I couldn't quite explain in words. She looked shocked -- my touch had become foreign to her. She grabbed onto my hand and held it tightly -- as if I would disappear at any moment and she only had a few more seconds to take it all in.

I studied her expression intently, only to be pulled out of it by words escaping her mouth, sending the worst kinds of chills down my spine.

"Hold me," Her voice was barely a whisper. "Please hold me. I need my mommy."

Instantaneously, I scooted closer to her and bought her into my arms, lowering her down onto my chest with the rest of her body pooled in my lap. She looked so broken. So tired.

Had I been the cause of all of this?

"Please Ellie, I need to know what's going on. Please just talk to me." I begged, tears spilling from my eyes onto my cheeks, the moisture sticking to my face in a matter of seconds.

"Everything has gone to shit. Everything. I've lost everything and everyone that meant anything to me and I don't know what to do anymore. I can't even feel anything -- even my emotions were stolen from me."

"I know it feels like you've got no one but that's not true. You have me, you have Dallas, Maddie, Grace --"

"Not Grace. Grace hates me. She's never going to talk to me again. Which means Leon won't talk to me either." Ellie's voice cracked as she spoke, the pain evident in her voice.

"Did you guys get into a fight?"

Ellie nodded against my chest. "Big one."

"What about?"

There was hesitation before Ellie spoke again, yet I had a feeling I knew what had caused the rift between the girls. I remember the look of concern on Ellie's face the day we went out to eat with Grace. I remember the look of disgust on Grace's face as she tried to swallow the food in front of her. I caught her spitting food out and shoving it under the table, making sure she wouldn't eat a single bite. I just waited for Ellie to prove me right.

"I think she has an eating disorder. But she won't admit it, and she won't get help. She yelled at me and hasn't spoken to me since." Ellie began. "I just want to make sure she's okay."

I held my daughter tighter to me. never wanting to let go. She always tried to do the right thing, and it still always blew up in her face. It wasn't fair.

After a few minutes of sitting there in silence, Ellie opened her mouth again, and the words that came out made my heart stop, my breath hitch and my head spin. I wasn't prepared to face the topic at all -- she had caught me completely off guard.

"Mom, what's happening with you and Wilmer?"

"Um -- Ellie -- it -- um -- it's complicated." I stuttered, forcing the words out. "It'll be okay. We'll -- hopefully we can sort it out."

"I was here the day he came to get his stuff you know."

"Ellie, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have had to be here to --" I was cut off by Sam's squeals coming from the kitchen, earning a light chuckle out of Ellie. She jumped at the opportunity to change the subject onto anyone and anything but herself, and I made a mental note to make sure she knew she was my main focus at the moment, even if we did veer off topic for a little bit.

"Her speech has gotten better. Heaps better." Ellie noted, and for the first time in months, she looked up at me and made eye contact with me. Her eyes looked bruised, and there was a hint of mistrust behind her gaze, causing another crack in my heart that I had caused myself.

"She's been seeing a speech therapist once a fortnight, and it's helped her heaps. It's been assessment after assessment for her, but she only has a few more before we get an answer as to whether or not she has Autism." I explained. "Her therapist is really great. She's been helping Sam develop a whole lot."

A whole conversation about various topics ensued shortly afterwards. I couldn't tell you how long we spoke for, but by the time we had finished, I had learned so much about what Ellie had gone through in the last couple of months. Between seeing Nick collapse at the mall, the fight with Olivia and everything else that kept piling on top of her with every passing day, she was at the point where she thought she would break. She felt the ice cracking from underneath her.

And I could see it.

"I missed you, Ellie. I really did." I whispered gently into her ear.

"I missed you too," Ellie's response was tentative. There was clearly something holding her back. "Please don't leave me again Mom. Promise me you won't."

"I promise Ellie, I promise. From now on, you hold me accountable for everything, and I'll do the same for you." I reached out to my daughters face, running the pads of my thumbs across her cheeks to wipe away her rapidly forming tears. "You scared me so bad Ellie, I thought the world was going to end. I thought you had done something horrible."

"I'm sorry," Her voice was barely audible, the tone breathy and light as it faded into the open air within seconds. "I can't live like this anymore. Mommy, please fix me. Please, Mommy." 

Somehow, Ellie's words were simultaneously like a knife to my heart and a pool of relief. It physically pained me to see her in this much emotional pain, to see the carnage scattered across the bedroom floor. But they also were the words of someone crying out for help. Asking for help was always the first step to recovery, and it was often the hardest one. Asking for help would be the first step to getting my baby girl back. 

And God only knows how much I need her back. 

Hah teasing yall was fun the reactions I got were absolutely priceless. 😂

Izzy xo