Together (Demi Lovato Adoption)

Chapter Ten

ELLIE'S POV

My brain feels like its going a million miles an hour. Thoughts keep rushing in and out and it's absolutely impossible for me to even hold on to a single one — all I can do is sit there and let it all happen. I knew that Demi wanted me to talk to her about what was going on, but I couldn't even put words to how I was feeling, let alone verbally open myself up to someone like that.

I can't even remember how long we sat there for — Demi and I.  As much as I closed myself off from her, I had a feeling she was able to see right through me. I tried to keep any conversation we had short and light, but it felt like Demi always had a knowing look in her eye, as if she had an idea as to what was going through my head. I felt awful for closing myself off, especially even when Demi had opened herself up to me the way she did. 

Demi was resting up against my bedhead while I had my head up on her chest, her fingers gently running through my hair. I was too scared to move because I was worried she would hit me, but every time she moved I flinched. I was sure that I would be getting punished for it sooner or later.

"I'm sorry," I tried not to let any tears slip, but I failed miserably as I soaked a section of Demi's shirt. "Please don't hurt me."

"Baby girl, relax. I promise you, I won't hurt you." Demi placed her hands under my arms to lift me up so that I was facing her. "I'm not going to force you to tell me anything you're not ready to, but Ellie — I'm here if you want to talk about what happened with you and Mrs Neveah."

I felt my breath hitch in my throat when the name fell out of her mouth. I had been having nightmares about Mrs Neveah ever since I had been adopted by Demi, scared that she'll take me back. My heart started pounding in my chest as I opened my mouth to respond, my head spinning around with ideas and thoughts.

Demi grabbed my hand, making me flinch once again. I looked away from her gaze guiltily — I needed to tell her.

"W-W-Well, it started about three years after I started living in the orphanage." I began. How are you supposed to do these things?? "Mrs Neveah never really liked me, but after I had lived there for so long — she and I both thought I would never get adopted out. At first, she started h-hitting me every time I did something wrong, then. . . after a while. . ." My voice trailed off.

"Oh Ellie," Demi started, her eyes holding sympathy and kindness. she urged me to keep going. "Take your time. I get it, it's hard."

I nodded, took a breath and continued. "After a w-while, it wasn't e-enough for her. The occasional s-slap turned into full-on beating s-sessions. She would lock me in one of the empty bedrooms and hit me, punch me and kick me. One time she burned me with her cigarette."

"Was it just you that—"

"I think so. She always told me that Sam was next, but I wouldn't let her touch Sam."

"What about Ms Avery? Did she know?"

I shook my head. "I told her everything. I told her everything except what Mrs Neveah was doing to me. I still f-feel guilty about it. I was selfish and was scared that she would hurt me more if I told, so now the other kids there are in danger of — oh my god, I'm awful."

I felt tears prickle right at my eyes, threatening to spill over onto my cheeks. Before they could, Demi pulled me into her and cooed into my hair to calm me down, her soft soothing voice practically drying my tears.

"Shh, shh. It wasn't your fault baby girl." Demi said, wiping away the droplets on my face.

I tried to relax into Demi's hold — I so badly wanted to. I wanted the love and affection that I had never ever experienced,  I wanted the mom I had never had — I wanted to feel safe. Why was it so hard? No matter how hard I tried to push the idea of Demi hurting me out of my head, I couldn't physically do it as I tensed up the second she wrapped her arms around me. 

"What if I told you that I could call Social Services and get Mrs Neveah taken out of the orphanage? You might have to say a few words to a representative, but it'd be enough for them to launch an investigation." Demi asked. 

"You can do that?"

"Mhmm." 

We sat in silence for a few seconds, before Demi grabbed my attention. "Ellie, listen to me for a minute."

I met her eyes and sat still, despite the fact that my body was ready to run around in circles in order to make my brain slow down, even if it was for just a second. 

"I love you and Sam with every little bit of me. You guys are my babies, and I would never ever hurt you. You are 100% safe with me, I promise you that. I understand that it's going to be hard to trust me at first, but I hope it'll get better soon."

"Demi. . ." I began. "I want to be able to hug you without being scared. I wanna be able to do all the stuff that normal kids do with their parents. I think — I think I love you too. It's just hard to say it."

I saw tears well up in Demi's eyes. Instantly, I felt the guilt build up in my chest and it kept getting heavier and heavier as I watched the woman cry.

"No! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you —"

"Baby girl, I'm happy."

"But you're crying?!"

"Happy tears. You said you loved me. I love you so much, Eleanor."

Demi reached out to hug me again, but instead of flinching this time — I hugged her back. Her arms were warm and comfortable, and the feeling of safety that I felt while buried into her chest was enough to make me never want to leave her embrace. What came out of my mouth next surprised both of us, but I meant every word.

"I love you too, Demi."