May 5, 2014

18.

All I've been hearing from my mom all night is, "you were wrong." , "you shouldn't have said this .. you shouldn't have said that." And in reality, I don't care. Anaya has been tormenting me silently for years, and I've always been the humble one and I let it slide. Even as a child, I was 6 years older than her but that didn't stop anything. She was 6, I was 12, but she'd still constantly take stuff out of my room and hide it, then I'd find it in her room. She'd blame things on me that I knew I had no part in. She'd do stuff that would make you dislike her but I didn't, I just let it slide because I knew and I know she's jealous of me. That isn't justifying it though. Don't torment me because of what you don't have as if it's my fault, I wasn't even aware of what was going on. I'm just supposed to be your sister, or cousin.

You get tired of getting talked about and picked on, she's too old for that. You'd think she'd be okay now since she practically had 4 years, without me being here (when I went to college), to herself. She had both of my parents. Then when I come visit I'm getting treated as if I'm the adopted one.

Fuck that.

Fuck my mothers opinion, although I love her dearly, and anyone else's if I'm supposedly wrong.

And definitely fuck Anaya's evil ass. She has nothing to say to me. I've been too forgiving to her, only for her to throw it in my face and act like I'm the bully here.

Then she has this overly smart mouth but wants to get so soft hearted and broken hearted when I say one thing.

Fuck her and her feelings, goodnight.

• • •
Next day : afternoon

I sat in my room the whole night. I didn't go down for dinner or anything, Chris's hungry high ass did though. Not that I didn't expect him to, he wasn't the one in the altercation. Anaya obviously did and of course my father did. Oh yeah, and Royalty.

Luckily she was too busy upstairs occupied during the argument and what not. She didn't even know it happened.

She came in and checked on me after she ate though, just because she hadn't seen me for hours.

Chris stayed in the toy room with her for a second, giving me my space. Then when it was bedtime he came back in. Royalty wanted to sleep with my mom, she grew attached to her already.

I'm still annoyed though. It's 1 in the afternoon and I only came out to shower and to brush my teeth then went back in my room and closed myself off. I didn't even come down for breakfast, I'm not hungry.

I'm just not fucking with how everyone wants to act like I'm the bad fucking guy when Anaya went around her silently and openly tormenting me. They wanna take her side because she's the adopted one, she's the younger one... fuck that.

My father hasn't openly said he's taking her side but that's just what I'm getting from these vibes.

My mother already voiced her opinion so I know she does.

Chris isn't and hasn't said anything, he wants no parts in it.. but I know he at least better be on my side or he can get left here with them.

I completed so much homework sitting in here all night.

I even got on the phone with Lauren to tell her this bullshit. She was on my side, she even said, "Anaya's grown ass knows how to talk shit and worry about who you fuckin' and when you fuckin' but can't take it when you clap back on her ass, she should've kept that same energy and acted grown then." And I could only smile and agree.

I'm going home today anyway though so Anaya and everyone else is least on my mind.

After I finished doing my homework, I started putting my things in the suitcase. I'm not feeling the energy im getting here so I can be leaving as soon as possible.