Andy's Centric.
ANDY.
I knew I was worthless, ugly and not worth to look at or spend time with. But at least you can tell me what's going on right? But no even that's not worth it. I had to find out on my own that the others where dating. I have to do everything on my own, why? Because no one likes me.
"Andy you up for Nando's?" Mikey asked which I just kindly declined, not wanting food in my body. Mikey nodded and left with the others leaving me alone. Maybe that's what I'm supposed to be. Alone.
I can't hurt anyone, I can't be a obstacle in their way to success, I won't let them hate me even more.
I need to start being prefect.
I walked to the bathroom slowly, shaky hands as I grabbed my blades; which I had hide away from everyone and put into my personal box. They knew not to go in that, which is a good thing sometimes.
I slowly sat on the toilet, playing with the blade between my fingers. Maybe it will feel good. I can always stop.
(Trigger Warning)
I took a deep breath before I pulled my pants down immediately feeling disgusted with myself. I slowly set the cold blade on my left thigh,hissing in pain as I pressed down harder, making some blood fall out. I smiled as I drew a line, more and more. At the end I had 25 cuts on each thigh. I also had carved two words on each thigh. Looking down at it I smiled.
Worthless.
Ugly.
I stood up feeling a bit dizzy but ignored it as I cleaned the floor, the blade and my hands with a red towel. The others wont know a thing about what I'm doing. I put some bandage around it and then put my jeans back up.
(end warning)
I walked out of the bathroom and sat down at the couch, phone in my hand as I went on twitter. Maybe the fans would cheer me up. Or not. I looked at some of tweets through our notifications and immediately felt tears burn behind my eyes.
BrookerLove: Have you seen Andy lately? Like who does he think he is
HateAndy: Yeah I know right? He's first of all a pig, and his voice sounds like a dead fish.
HateFovvs: True that, I wonder why the others still put up with him.
Fowler: Actually the don't. They are at Nando's WITHOUT HIM. How amazing is that!
PhebeRoadtrip: Really? Finally. Maybe he decided it was enough and he is starving him self? Which would be a good thing.
I threw my phone at the wall, tears streaming down my face. How can people hate me so much all of a sudden? Maybe they are right, the boys indeed hate me. Who would even love me anyway? I'm in love with four people! Who happen to be my best friends, my band mates as well.
I sighed and looked at the TV, mind blank. The door soon opened as I just sat there silently, cross legged.
"Andy! What the hell happened?" I heard Mikey talk but decided to ignore them. They don't like me. Why would they? So why would I listen.
I felt my chin being forced to look at something so I opened my eyes to look into the eyes of a pissed of Rye. "What. The. Hell. Happened." He said through gritted teeth. "Like you care." I scoffed raising my eyebrow at him, Rye's eyes immediately widen at that and pulled my sleeves down sighing in relief seeing no new scars.
That's why I made them on my thighs. Idiot.
Rye gave me one more look before he left the room with Mikey and Jack behin him, leaving Brooklyn and me in the same room. Brooklyn grabbed my broken phone and placed it on the table "You sure you are okay?" He asked me softly.
Fake Andy, fake it!
"Yeah I'm totally fine." I lied giving him one of the realest smile I could. He nodded before he also left, I sighed before I grabbed my shoes, putting them on and left the apartment and went outside.
I breathed the air in, smiling as I immediately calmed down. I looked around the park taking in ever little detail to calm myself down.
After at least two hours I knew the boys already had dinner so I made my way back towards the flat. I walked through the door and went back to the living room where the others where sitting playing Fifa. "Hey Fovvs!" Rye said offering me a smile which I just ignored, I grabbed a few clothes from my bed and went to the bathroom.
I locked the door and stripped myself down and stepped into the shower, I sighed as I felt the burning sensation from the cuts I had made earlier today. But the feeling didn't hurt as much as I thought, it almost felt like. Relief. When I was done showering I unlocked the door. The others where probably busy with the each other.
I looked my thighs in the mirror looking at the scars I've made there. I deserve them, I grabbed my blade again and made a few more cuts on my thighs, I needed to feel something, I need to feel loved somehow, and by this I love myself. I think. I cleaned myself up quickly and tried to put my pants back on, until the door opened revealing Brooklyn.
Brooklyn smiled "Hey Andy how-" he stopped talking as he looked down at my legs. He gasped before he held his hand for his mouth, tears forming in his eyes. "B-Brooke i-it i-isn't w-what i-i looks like!" I tried to reason with him but it was no use.
He grabbed my arm as I stumbled half over my feets, my pants half on my ankle's as Brooklyn pulled me towards Rye and Harveys room. "Hey Brook already back?" I heard Jack ask Brooklyn shook his head pulling me from behind him. Rye looked up from his book and lookee back at me as he tried to say something his eyea traveled to my legs exactly where my scars where.
"Andy?" He mumbled standing up immediately as he pulled me with him down onto his bed, crying. I tried to get away from his grip but it didn't work. "LET ME GO! please." I whimpered as my voice cracked in the middle of the sentence, Rye held me even tighter and then. I broke, I just broke down and was a sobbing mess.
"Why-why don't you guys love me?" I whimpered looking up at them, Mikey sat in front of me pulling me in a hug "Babe we do love you! But we the you would think of us as freaks." Mikey told me truthfully looking at me. "Stop cutting please." Jack pleaded I nodded as I stood up and held Brooklyn tightly whispering sorry over and over again.
He kissed my cheek as he held to his chest stroking my baci making my eyes close softly as I cuddled closer to him. "You're safe." I heard someone say "We love you so much." Another voice said before I fell a sleep.
