A Love For Keeps

Storage Room

(DAYU)

It was a bizarre weekend for me. That disastrous meet up with my family and Qing's family is on the front concern of my mind, but I still have a job to do, papers to grade and lessons to plan and write.

If my personal life sucks, I might as well organize my professional life. That's a goal at least.

Because God knows, my goal of my family accepting me, and in the process, accepting my relationship with Qing is going nowhere.

It is worse than being in a stand still.

My family is being deaf to my arguements and explanations. The whole afternoon and night yesterday, I tried approaching anyone of them but they are all shaking their heads even before I can open my mouth.

I hate this situation.

So to rebel, or whatever, I decided to leave home early Monday morning and write my lessons at the Academy.

And message Qing nonstop.

Me: Can we meet?
Qing: I want to. Where should we meet?
Me: In the library.
Qing: Good idea. Lunch time?
Me: Yes. I think I will cut my day in half today. I feel a migraine coming.
Qing: Shall we visit a hospital? Have you eaten breakfast?
Me: Yes. I have taken some medicines too. I am hoping it will work. But I guess I am feeling too much stress.
Qing: Oh sweetheart. What can I do?
Me: You can make do of your promise to meet me at lunchtime and hug me.
Qing: I will. See you later. I love you.
Me: I love you too.

Talking to Qing takes away some of my headache. He brings comfort to me. And the thought of seeing him again, hugging him, is giving me energy.

Yes. I just have to go through the morning hours. By midnoon, I will feel Qing's arms around me again.

I need him. So badly.

AhnZong frowned when he learned that I have gone to work early. "Is it bad?" He asked while we got into a quiet corner with our drinks from a vending machine.

I nodded. AhnZong winced, "How bad?"

"Truly bad," I said tiredly. "I think Grampy knows Qing's grandfather and they hate each other."

AhnZong choked on his coffee and coughed. "Your...his...what?"

I repeated what I said then sighed. "Hey, AhnZong ah, when did my life started sounding like a tragic play? This is not Romeo and Juliet..."

"Tell me about it," AhnZong patted my shoulder in sympathy. "And so...what is your plan now? Can't they really accept you?"

I look at my friend, "They are promising to consider accepting my sexuality. Baba is talking to Grampy. But I think I am being greedy, AhnZong ah. I want them to accept me AND accept Qing as well. Before, I consider it a miracle if they will even consider hearing me out about her. But now, in all honesty, I would rather keep her hidden as long as they will accept Qing in my life. I will forget being a girl. Gay will do. As long as they will give Qing and I a chance..."

It hurts. Because I want her to be heard. I want them to see that she is not that bad. But if I have a choice, I will choose Qing over her.

It hurts but I think she will understand. It hurts but I am willing to sacrifice her to be with Qing.

"But Baba is already saying that Qing is non negotiable." I said to AhnZong. "That they will consider letting me be who I want to be but will never accept Qing in my life." I gave my friend an agonized look. "What should I do?"

"What did Wang Qing said?" AhnZong asked me back.

"I don't know. But we will meet later. In the library bookshop. Lunchtime." I said.