When Winter Came (CrankGamepays Fanfic)

Chapter Fifty

Ethan's POV- A week later

Slowly but surly, Winter was recovering with little to no repercussions. Everyday, Winter smiled a little wider, laughed a little louder, ate a little more and grew a little stronger. She had started recording again and in no time, I'm sure that she'll be back to her normal self.

She goes to get her stitches out in a few days. She thinks they look gross, I think they give her character. Every time we go out and someone asks what happened, I say, "You think this is bad? You should have seen the other guy!" Of course this will make Winter laugh and laugh in her quirky manner.

Unfortunately, Winter has yet to come to terms with her short hair. She despises it and wishes so badly she had her hair back. I, on the other hand, think she looks cute with short hair. Well, I think that Winter looks cute no matter what, but she won't accept that for a reasonable answer as to why she looks good with short hair.

I've been able to help her to cope with most of the trauma from this, I'm sure that she's holding back a bit of what she's truly feeling, but she's been good about telling me when she's thinking about it again. As time has progressed, she's been more and more open to me about her thoughts and feelings, whereas before she was afraid that dumping her emotions on me would make me want to leave. Quite the opposite though.

I've always thought that a relationship is built on trust and Winter opening up like she has been is just proving that she trusts me. In return to her honesty, I give her my honest opinion and tell her everything I think without a filter. I want to Winter to know that I trust her just as much as she trusts me and I plan on doing anything I possibly can to prove thy to her.

I love her, isn't that what you do when you love someone? You push yourself as far as you can as then force yourself further to show them that you mean every word of what you say? Or am I just going insane?

It's been strange lately, with everything that's happened, normal just seems out of reach at this point. Like, why are we trying to go back to "normal"? Obviously nothing is going to be the same and she understands that as well as everyone else and myself. So why do we try?

These thoughts have been on my mind for a couple of days now. It's not thy I don't want us to be the same as we were before, I really do! It's just that I don't understand why I feel this pressure to act as if everything is "normal". It's not normal. Getting kidnapped, tortured and almost killed is not "normal" and we have no reason to act like it is. So why try?

I push these thoughts away, choosing not to dwell on such melancholic fantasies. I think I may be a bit paranoid, if I'm being completely honest with myself. I've been over thinking everything that's been going on, over analyzing everything that's been said to me, especially the things that Winter says.

But the thought that really disturbs me the most... Is that in a couple of weeks, Winter will be going back to Oregon. She'll be going back home and leaving me here. I haven't wanted to bring it up with her, I don't want to cause more stress for her already intense situation, but I don't know what I'm going to do without her. She's too good to let go.

I can't let her go.

I need Winter her with me, by my side everyday, all the time, until the end of the world. She's the only thing that can keep me alive at this point and I feel like she's the very air I breathe; subconsciously needing her to survive, but consciously not even knowing that I need her like I do.

Winter is my everything. She's all I want in life and when I imagine my future... I imagine it with the woman I love. The woman I love is Winter. It always has been Winter and it always will be Winter. I love her, and that's all there is to it. I can't survive without her.

But for now, I can feel my eyelids growing heavier with every passing moment and my mind bring invaded by a thin fog made of my best dreams.

In my defense, it is two in the morning. I might as well sleep.

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A/N

Sooo this was a weird little monologue that I wrote for Ethan. I'm tired and I'm in an advanced literature class so please excuse the very professional diction that I tended to use. I'm gonna go to sleep now. At least I updated. Night everyone!

-Taryn (~o~)zzzz