A Wager Of The Heart

76. Forgiveness

It appeared to follow the length and width of one side of the house with a gently sloping ceiling. A single bed stood against the front wall just under the only window. A small vanity with a cloudy mirror occupied an otherwise empty side of the room where where the ceiling cut swiftly down. A screen separated one half of the room from the other with a writing desk against it. 

I turned to her and asked, "This is your room?" It was a completely unnecessary question but I didn't know where to even begin. She nodded shyly and I smiled. "I like it, it is very nice." The girl beamed and stepped closer to me and shut the door. "I suppose the tub is behind that screen?" Again the only reply I received was a brisk nod. I walked behind the screen and set my bag down. After three long days of being in a carriage with nothing to occupy myself but musings of the past and dread of the future, all I wanted was a warm bath and a good rest.

"Do you require assistance?" Joline asked from the other side of the screen.

"No thank you," I declined with a silent shake of my head. A year of living on my own hadn't robbed me of my modesty. I managed on my own and I'd manage now. 

"Brandan sent these over before you came, he said you would probably need them." Over the top of the screen she draped a few of the remnants of my wardrobe that I had left. I stared at them in disbelief and my silence must have been what the girl was expecting. "He said you would be angry if he acquired new garments for you but you couldn't be angry if he gave you back what was yours."

I stared mutely as tears of gathered in my eyes. Even my best dress was stained grease and patched in several places, my undergarments and stockings fared even worse. I looked at the robin egg blue and soft pink day dresses and felt the first stirrings of true hope. I washed the grime and dirt of a year away and dried quickly. 

"Was there anything else?" I asked as I looked at the crumpled heap of underclothes on the floor. 

"Yes. Truth be told he brought an entire trunk, I just liked these best." Joline admitted shyly. "The trunk is the one in the corner."

I turned and saw it for the first time and walked slowly over. It held everything I'd left behind, even the light blue cloak I'd left hanging in the stables. I found everything from my life, the shoes and hair combs and these small pieces of my past broke what little of my heart that was left. How could I not stay with Geri? I'd been dying a little more every day without her sunshine. I clutched the edges of the trunk and finally gave into the longing of my heart. I didn't have the strength to walk away again. I would endure whatever trials were to come because I knew I was nothing without the love and acceptance of my family.

I took a moment to compose myself and finally asked, "Joline would you mind terribly if I needed your help?" An hour later I sat properly dressed for the first time in months. I was surprised to find my waist had shrunk nearly two inches and made the light pink dress hang around my body loosely but I didn't care. 

I stayed in Joline's room for the remainder of the day, aimlessly staring out of the window. With my jumbled emotions I wasn't fit company. Joline left to attend to her chores after exclaiming over me for nearly half an hour. Dinner was brought up to me and in no time at all it was dawning the morning of Geri's wedding.

I changed quickly into the blue gown and Joline helped pile my hair onto my head in a semi-fashionable style and secured it with my gifts from Geri. I ignored the mirror, I knew I looked a fright with worry and pain gripping and twisting my insides. I couldn't eat a bite and stared blankly out of the window while John and his daughter ate. 

"Are you ready?" I jumped at the question and looked up in the rector's kind and understanding eyes. Perhaps it was the remarkable resemblance between Brandan and his cousin, but for some reason, in that moment, I felt calm descend. I nodded and rose to my feet. "Good," he smiled and offered me his arm, "It's a bit of a trek but I like to take a stroll in the fresh morning air."