A Wager Of The Heart

69. Revelation by firelight

:::Kent:::

The ride back to my home had the potential to be very uncomfortable. The sky opened with a deluge of rain barely an hour into the ride. The rain lasted only long enough to soak threw my clothes and hair. It was replaced by a persistent and biting wind that tore through my thin shirt. I smiled as I sat in front of the roaring fire of the library. The idea of my angel wrapped in my coat kept me from growing truly cross.

We arrived in the early hours of the morning, everyone was tired and sluggish as they crawled from the refuge of the coach. I watched with only slight jealousy as Bastion lifted a sleeping Charity into his arms and carried her away. I walked heavily to my own bed and threw myself into a deep, undisturbed sleep. 

I shook my head and brought myself back into the present. The library was dark and deserted in the late hours of the night and I sat in silence and watched the flames. I had not seen a single member of my family since arriving, they all had their own priorities and I had mine. I felt the absence of tension like a weight lifted from my shoulders. Charity was safe within my walls, and for the first time in more than a week I could relax. 

It was, however, like the calm before the storm. I had a battle before me. A war, I realized, that would decide my future happiness. I was still actively contumacious toward marriage but I was acutely aware of my inability to live without my dark angel. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, it would have to be fought with everything I had. How would I convince her to become mine against her belief that her sister loved me? Tricky indeed. 

I chuckled as a sensation I'd never felt before gripped my heart and made it hard to breathe. I sighed around the mixture of pain and pleasure that filled me. I closed my eyes and saw the image of my angel bruised and bloodied watching me so ardently. The memory made me feel raw with the parade of emotions that stampeded through me. Anger so deep it brought blood to my ears and I had to physically stop myself from leaving right then to wipe Kesler and his brother from existence. It also brought forth a mixture of pride and strength, the knowledge of myself that I would give my life to keep her safe and it gave the most primal part of my soul immense pride. And the most crippling revelation of that look was a love so deep it sank into every part of my body, made every moment in her eyes the best moment of my life. Fear in my own helplessness against the power of her silver eyes and a reckless abandon and exhilaration. I was ready to throw myself on the mercy of the look in her eyes in that one moment. 

I heard the door to the library open and I stilled, overcome with inexplicable excitement because it might be her. The footsteps walked purposely in my direction and I held my breath. Which I released a moment later when Bastion materialized out of the dark. He glanced at me wearily as he claimed the chair next to me. I kept the tenor of my thoughts to myself as we contemplated the fire. I almost laughed at my need to talk to someone about my perplexing situation, about how the words nearly spilled in front of this man. He was the last person who could know. 

How could I convince Charity of my authenticity when I've been so open about my insincere intentions from the moment I met her? How could I explain that so many utterings of love meant nothing when now it would mean everything? How can she believe that she is more precious to me than anything else in the world? How do I convince her that for the first time in my life I loved beyond reason, beyond comprehension?

I sighed deeply and ran my hand through my hair. Bastion stirred within the shadow and rose to his feet. He lumbered to the cabinet where my father kept his brandy and poured himself a glass. He looked in my direction and poured another. He made his heavy way back to the chairs and sat down after handing me a glass half full of amber liquid. 

I swirled the glass in my hand as my thoughts traveled back to my angel. Could I go back to the life I lived before and find happiness? Was there happiness in an existence so distant from human contact, to hold every ounce of power because I kept myself aloof from human connection? No, Emily may have been wrong about many things but she was right about that. My life was empty and pointless and while I managed to convince myself for so long that I was content, I knew now that I'd been in pain and trying to cover it up. I laughed at the impossible situation and threw back the entirety of my glass. Impossible or not, I would pursue my angel until I was convinced not to, but only by my own heart. Fight all she liked, I knew my angel loved me, even against her ever present wishes for her sister.