A Wager Of The Heart

41. Determination

:::Kent:::

I scowled as I stared at the space in front of me. My body was strung with tension, an unfinished aggression that halted my movements. My body seethed with rage and my hands shook with the effort it took to remain seated. I took one deep, stabilizing breath to calm myself and then squeezed my hands in my hair. 

I need to banish Charity from my thoughts if I had any hope of gaining control. I flexed my hand as I remembered the feeling of that creature's neck as I squeezed the life from him. His words and the possession in his voice had caused me to react without thinking. But it was Charity's momentary collapse from fear that caused every muscle in my body to scream for justice, to call for the death of this man. I flexed my muscles again in an effort to remain seated.

I knew my temper had the tendency to cause more trouble than my anger was worth but I knew I'd never lost control in front of innocents before. I sighed, an ironic smile on my face, as my own words spoken in jest many nights before came back to me. "Consider me equally bewitched." I scowled against the feeling of warmth that overcame me at the thought of my dark angel. She felt nothing but disdain and annoyance for me. I'd be cursed to repeat my past if I wasn't careful.

I heard the door open but I didn't turn my head. I knew it was my mother and I knew she'd read the emotions on my face as easily as she always had. She stepped in front of me and softly touched my shoulder. "You are a good man." She spoke quietly and I was struck with the certainty that she spoke the words to reassure herself, not me.

"A good man is not ruled by his anger, he is ruled by reason." I bitterly quoted my father. I'd heard the phrase often as a child, even more so as an adult. This thought made me smirk. 

She sighed as she watched me sadly. "Your father will not fault you for your actions. I like to think he'd be even harsher if he were here."

"Perhaps," I conceded, "but he'd have handled himself more rationally. He'd have said something scathing and left the rest to be imagined." I hung my head, affecting shame. Although I refused to feel ashamed. "I should have refrained at least until there was no one about."

She was quiet for a while, her look pensive. "I disagree. There is a time for threats and a time for action."

I laughed as she tried to justify my actions when we both knew there was no excuse I could make that my father would accept. He loathed my pension for violence almost as much as he loathed my very existence. "Mayhap he'll never hear of this and I'll never hear how disappointed he is in me." She looked at me skeptically and we both laughed. "You're right of course, but I wish I could have spared Amelia that little show."

"That girl is as rebellious as you ever were. She smiled, grinned, as largely as she could, like a fool as you made your point perfectly clear." Edith paused a moment, choosing her words carefully. "Geraldine seemed awestruck as she watched you defend her sister."

I caught myself before my wince could show on my face. "Anything I can do to secure her affections." I said absently. I only cared that they were sisters for the simple fact that I knew without pretense that I would never have the dark beauty. Even as I denied my feelings I knew I wanted her more than anything or anyone. I'd risk everything just to have her and this thought baffled me.

"She wasn't in the garden, she flew passed it like an expert and stopped her flight when she reached the gazebo." Edith said quietly. I didn't question her change of subject, I merely accepted it with a nod of my head. "How'd you know she'd go that way?"

I smiled ruefully at her as I answered, "I followed her for a moment after our exit." I shook my head, dislodging the picture of her running from me and my need that was split between comforting her and returning to finish the job I'd started. "I stopped when I realized I was the last person she'd want to see." I finished honestly. "Did you figure out why she left?"