Kuroko No Basket One-Shots! {All Kinds}

You Can't See Me {Kuroko x Reader}

Hey, guys. Sorry, it has been awhile since I last updated, and I think that mostly is because I'm not in the most stable of mindsets. I've been angry that my ex-best friend has been trying to steal the last people I have in my life and the stress of school has been eating away at me. 

I think it has just gotten to the point where I can't seem to find any point to living right now, but I'm trying. I really am. I wrote this because I feel like people don't ever really see me, because they don't want to, and that really hurts.

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In this story, there isn't a happy ending. There isn't a magical moment where you fall in love with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. This isn't that kind of story, and it never will be.

"You never saw me," you scrawled the words between the lines of the white school paper - you took it for that one assignment you never actually completed. "I tried so hard to be the one you always seemed to like, but you never once looked in my direction."

"Momoi-san."

"Why was that? Why was I never good enough?"

"Kuroko?" Your soft voice called to the blue-haired male, who didn't even stop to give you the time of day.

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I'm sorry, guys. I just - I can't do this. Not today. I'm just really tired of living. I don't know if you care, but these days, all I want to do is sleep and never wake up. You know how people wake up from a nightmare and feel that relief knowing it could never happen in real life? Everyday is like waking up into a nightmare - like I'm living a nightmare - and my only relief is drowning myself in my dreams, because no matter how horrid they get, I know it could never happen in reality, and that is where I feel most alive. 

But do you ever feel like some part of you is missing or broken and you can't really fix it or replace it because the things you used to enjoy can't even bring a smile to your face and the only thought running through your mind at one in the morning is how bad tomorrow is going to be or about how you would give anything to take back the days of the past.

Because it feels like everyone you know is walking ahead of you and you're too tired and too numb to even try to catch up, so you just stay behind obediently, knowing that even if you did try, you'd never make it. They'd never stop moving forward or stop to wait for you because people go different ways and take different paths, and everything you're trying so hard to keep together is going to fall apart at some point.

But you don't want to risk it because you're tired of being left behind. You're tired of being the one who's so easily forgotten. You just want to move forward, but you can't seem to find the energy and it just gets to the point where nothing really has any meaning anymore and you just wish everything would stop.

You just can't take the thought of getting up in the morning and ruining something else in the morning, because you feel that it's all you're good for.

I think that's painful and I'm feeling that way a lot these days and I feel like I need to apologize for that because I know I'm going to seem okay tomorrow, or lie about what's really going on in my mind but I don't want you to believe me when I say "I'm fine" because I'm never fine. I'm burying something painful deep in my heart and everything I've ever wanted to say is waiting to spill out and I'm searching for someone who has the patience and kind heart to listen and remind me that things might be bad right now, but they'll never leave my side, even when I no longer need the support of someone else to stand on my own feet.

I think that I'd feel a lot better if someone would maybe just stay with me and let me cry over all the things I can't seem to get over right now and not mind how ugly I might look in my rawest form and comfort me through the phases of life, because I feel like these thoughts are consuming me, and I don't know any other way to free myself from their hold. I don't want to find myself drowning beneath their waves.

I don't know how to ask for help - I've never been really good at doing so - but I need help, and I don't want someone to hand out advice I never asked for, I just want to be reminded that I have meaning, and that things are going to get better and that even though things are hard now, they're going to get better.

I want someone to promise me that they'll never abandon me like everyone else in my life did at one point.

I think I just really need hugs and cuddles and for someone to tell me how proud they are that I managed to get out of bed that morning, because even moving feels hard some days, and I need a reason to wake up in the morning and love who I see in the mirror and be told that I'm not the horrible lies society has burned into my memory through painful events I'd rather not recall.

I think I just need a really good cry in front of someone who won't judge me or get mad when I'm yelling and screaming about how mad I am over life - because I never really mean the things I say - and I just need someone to dry those tears and hug me like they never want to let me go and just whisper "you matter. You will always matter" to me at three in the morning when I feel painfully numb and lost and broken and when everything seems to go to hell and all the building up I did during the day seems to fall apart and those walls begin to crumble.

I think I really need that, but I don't know where to find that, because I get so close to being okay again, and then I find myself even further from where I first began, and I feel like I'm suffocating and being buried alive.

I think these things are what will make me feel whole again.

But it's hard, because I find myself wishing I didn't breathe just as much as other people do, and I really hate that I can't love myself as much as my girlfriend loves me, because I can't stop missing someone who makes me mad every time I see her, and it hurts to know she doesn't miss me and is just out to hurt me because when she lost me, she lost everyone else, and it's not my fault, but she blames me. 

I don't know why I'm still alive and sometimes I find myself wishing I could drown myself in the bathtub, but I honestly cant find the courage. 

I just wish someone could just take this pain away.

Teiko_Kuroko~<3