His Broken Angel

Chapter Sixty-Four: Thoughts

A/N

PLEASE READ:

First I want to start off by thanking all of my wonderful readers who have left great comments about my book that I appreciate so much. I love you all!

Now, I read one comment saying that you have to have an actual reason to be depressed. I may be fourteen but I know that depression doesn't work that way sometimes. Depression can hit anyone for no reason and it isn't anything to joke about. My story includes a girl being depressed because of her past, and I could still write a story about a girl being depressed for no reason. Depression can happen to anyone at any point of their life.

I don't know if I worded that correctly, but I hope all of you understand what I mean. And I don't mean to offend anybody, but if you don't like books that have these components, then don't read mine.

Also, sorry that this is a short chapter and I know I really suck at updating early, but this chapter lets you know what's finally going on in Maggie's mind.

So please read, vote, comment, and enjoy!

Next Update: Friday (watching a scary movie that day. Save me!)
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His Broken Angel

Chapter Sixty-Four: Thoughts

My mind wandered to many things: 1. I was sick. And not sick sick, but mentally sick, 2. I doubted anybody knew that I had a mental disorder. Alex, Claire, and Harry may think that it's all the anxiety and breakdowns I've been having. Although, Alex did tell me many times to see a psychiatrist but I refused to, and 3. Reese was going to find out sooner or later.

Now that I thought about all the problems occurring in and out of my body; self-harm, bulimia, depression, and anxiety would end up killing me, one by one.

I had to think about my family. Claire and Harry wouldn't want their "daughter" to be sick, or at least hurting herself like that. Alex already knew about my self-harm and he had returned to checking for new cuts. So did Reese. But none of them knew about me being bulimic.

I was still purging, it's been years since I've had an actual meal down my throats and digested properly in my body. Nobody knew about my eating disorder.

Didn't my family notice the sudden weight change. I did, but I refused to think that that was fine for me. I continued to purge and to keep everything a secret. It had become a habit.

Keep everything hidden and nothing bad would happen.

I spent the whole day in my room thinking about all my secrets. Thinking about the life I had before I entered the warm, welcoming arms of my foster parents.

"Maggs?" Claire poked her head through the door. I gave her a weak smile before sighing. "Just wondering if you needed anything. You've been in here for a while."

Another sigh. "Could you get me some ice cream?"

She gave me a strange look before returning downstairs. A few minutes later she arrived with a bowl of Neapolitan ice cream. "Thanks," I murmured as soon as she closed the door.

I wanted to try something.

I jabbed a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth, the cold touch of it making my body grow with goosebumps. Spring was ending but the weather was still cool, causing me to die of cold in my room.

Another spoonful of ice cream entered my mouth until there was nothing left. I sat on my bed, almost waiting for something to happen when my stomach began to turn. I could feel my throat itching with bile as I tried calming myself down.

Taking deep breaths didn't seem to work out so well. After a minute or two I ran to the bathroom, gagging a bit after the purging was over. I sat there next to the toilet, like I always did after I purged.

My stomach felt even more sick before I could taste the blood in my throat. The metallic flavor sending me to gag over my toilet before spits of blood left my mouth. I coughed up more and flushed everything away.

I stood on my shaky legs, washing my face with cold water to wake up my red eyes. I felt like I would throw up again, but I convinced myself that it was all in my bed and went to sit beside my bed. My phone vibrated against the nightstand as my weak arm failed to reach it.

I let it vibrate as the feeling of throwing up came again. "Nothing bad will happen," I assured myself.

The same words Reese had told me when Claire was in a coma. Nothing bad will happen. I promise. How could he even know?, I thought. He didn't have the control or power to make Claire wake up. He didn't know if she would die or live.

The promises I'd made to myself were as useless too. If I continued with this behavior then I would never get better.

Bad things will happen.

Once I managed to pick myself up, I grabbed my phone and stared at the screen for a second before setting it down.

I didn't want to talk to him. It was Sunday and I wanted all my thoughts to myself. Today I admitted to myself that I needed help, that everything going on in my head wasn't right.

Even if Reese were to promise me that I would get better and that we would stay together no matter what. That he would stay there for me so I could never feel alone or empty. We wouldn't last together. Did he not see that?

I finally grew the courage to call him back. Even if I had said that I wanted this day to myself I wanted and needed to hear his voice.

"Is everything alright?" was the first thing he said once he picked up.

My voice was hoarse. I cleared it for a second. "Yeah. . . My phone died and I was too lazy to charge it."

He had to believe that at least.

"You don't sound O.K. though." His voice was soft which only made me tear up. "Maggs, did something happen?"

Yes. I knew it had just started but I didn't want him to wait. When I opened my mouth nothing came out but a small cry. I quickly sucked in a deep breath and sighed before saying, "Nothing."

Then I hung up.