Evelyn's Lesson In Recovery

Cruel World

A/N:  I REWROTE THE ENDING OF THIS CHAPTER PLEASE REREAD!!!!!!!!!

As soon as I get back home, I lock myself in my room.  I break down and cry hysterically.  I have never felt this...worthless!  I can't do this anymore.  I just can't.  I can't live another day.  I can't keep breathing.  I don't know what I did to be hated this much.  I don't see the point in trying, in talking, in laughing, in helping people, in trying to recover, in breathing, in thinking...in living.  I just can't do it anymore.  I'm stupid and worthless and better off dead...even Chloe realizes that.

I go to the bathroom and see my blade and the bottle of sleeping pills.  I grab them and go back to my room, locking the door.  I get a few pieces of paper.  I'm leaving this time.  I'm really going to die.  I can't live anymore.  No one cares about me.  Tears run down my face.  I click my pen and start writing.

"Well, this is it everybody.  I've reached my breaking point...again.  I guess you could say I do a lot of that.  But this time...I'm really done.  I can't do this anymore.  I can't keep living knowing I'm not wanted.  I hope this doesn't come as too much of a shock.  Suzanne, please forgive me for hurting Hannah....for the car wreck, for being stupid...for doing this to you.  I guess this is sort of your fault...but don't blame yourself.  I'm the one who started all this.  Mark, we were never close.  I've been too afraid to get close to you.  You tried to understand that and you didn't push me.  I'm sad we weren't closer, but I'm happy you tried to understand.  Hannah, I am so sorry!  I am sorry for causing the car wreck, I'm sorry for doing this to you.  I'm sorry I'm not the sister you need.  You won't have to worry about it anymore.  I'm going to just..get out of your life and let you go back to living how you did before I came home.  I hope this doesn't set your recovery back too far.  Get better...for me.  It wasn't possible for me, but it was for you.  Harper, you never gave up on me...thank you.  I'm sorry to do this to you.  Chloe, I  hate you.  What you did was the last straw...you led to this all.  Jess, I'm sorry for leaving Denver...I'm sorry I wasn't the intern you wanted me to be.  Everyone...good bye." I write.  

I put the paper on my bed and take all the sleeping pills before cutting deeply into my wrist.  "Evelyn, come eat!" Suzanne calls a few minutes later.  By now, the bleeding has mostly stopped.  Blood has ran down my arm, dripping onto my floor and bed.  I'm dizzy and sleepy.  I fall to my knees, blood staining my pants.  I almost throw up, but I stop myself.  "Evelyn, come eat." Suzanne says, knocking on my bedroom door.  I don't answer; I'm too weak.  She tries to open the door.

"Evelyn!" she exclaims, knocking and trying to open the door, sounding frantic.  I lay down in the floor, breathing shakily.  "Open the door!!  Mark!!" she screams.  The world becomes further away and I feel weaker and weaker.  The door opens and I hear Suzanne scream.  "Call an ambulance!" she screams.  I hear someone running up the stairs and I hear Hannah's scream of terror.  I cry as Suzanne starts pushing on my cuts.  I cry in pain and try to hit her.  "Stop!" she snaps.  I hear Mark on the phone and Hannah makes eye contact with me.  Tears run down her face.

"I hate you!!!" she screams before running out.  My eye lids get heavy and I close my eyes.  "Keep your eyes open." Suzanne tells me, a harshness in her tone I've never heard.  I keep my eyes open, crying angrily.  

A few minutes later, I close my eyes, opening them momentarily, at Suzanne's orders.  Why are these pills taking so long to work?!!  I took them hours ago!  I see flashing lights outside and hear sirens.  I try to fight against Suzanne.  I try to find my blade, struggling against her.  Two men then come into the room.  I'm lifted onto a stretcher and my arms are restrained to it.  They tightly wrap the cuts in bandages and put a mask on my face.  My eye lids flutter and the world grows darker.  "Stay awake." one says.  "How long ago did she take the pills?" he asks Suzanne.  

"Twenty minutes ago...here's the bottle." she says, giving them the pill bottle.  "They take effect in an hour or less...wow...." he says, looking at the bottle.  The ambulance doors close and it immediately starts driving.  I cry and try to fight the restraints, making my arms start bleeding again.  "Kill me!!!  Let me die!!" I scream.  The man tries to stab me with something.  I pull away the best I can, making him put it aside and stop.  I cry hysterically, looking for a way to escape.  

The ambulance pulls into the hospital and I'm taken quickly inside.  I'm restrained to a different bed and I pass out, the pain in my arms making me dizzy and faint, combined with the sleeping pills beginning to take effect.  Good bye cruel world.