Evelyn's Lesson In Recovery

A Lesson (Sort Of) Learned

I wake up and immediately sit up.  Where am I?  My sluggish brain quickly catches up.  I'm in a stupid hospital.  I check the clock hanging above the door.  It's 8:27.  I have to be at breakfast in three minutes!!  I walk to the cafe and get my food.  I sit far away from everyone else.  I look at the bowl of grits.  It needs sugar.  I see a sugar shaker on the table and I pour as much as I can into my food.  I carefully eat, tasting my food, unlike last night when I was really hungry and just coming out of a panic attack.

My head pounds from last night and I remember what Lahni did.  I put my tray up and check the clock.  It's nine ten.  I go to the 'school' room and sit away from the other four people.  I am called to the front and given a stack of papers.  I sit back down and start working on the work my teachers have given the hospital.  It would be very easy if I could actually focus, but I can't.  My mind is racing too fast and I can't seem to focus.  

Before I know it, the first part of 'school' is over.  I don't want to go to this stupid 'psychotherapy' group.  I know I'll be forced to introduce myself in front of everyone even though everyone knows I'm too anxious.  I go to the room it's supposed to be taking place in and sit down.  A girl with dark skin and long black hair sits beside me.  "I'm Raven." she says to me.  I look down.  

She falls silent when someone, I presume the group leader, comes in.  "Hi everyone.  I'm Erin.  I'm the psychotherapist in charge of this group.  I see we have two new faces.  Why don't we have Evelyn and Raven stand up and introduce themselves?  Evelyn, you start.  Tell us your name, age, and the reason you're here." the group leader says.  My heart starts racing.  I can't stand up in front of everyone and say those things.  I can't tell everyone why I'm here.  They'll think I'm crazy.  

"Raven, you go first since Evelyn seems to be a bit....afraid." Erin says, flipping her blonde hair back.  Raven stands up and says "I'm Raven Stone, I'm fourteen, and I'm here because I have visions."  "Evelyn?" Erin says, looking at me.  I shake my head.  "Come on." Erin says.  I can tell everyone in the group hates me for taking so long.  I stand up, trembling all over.  

"I-I'm.....E-Evelyn J-J-Jam-es, I-I'm s-six-t-teen, an-and I'm h-here for d-depression, an-anxiety, an-and sui-cidal planning." I stutter quietly.  "Very good." Erin praises.  "We're all in this group because we've been diagnosed with depression.  Nothing you say can leave this group and you won't be forced to talk or share.  Who wants to say share something about their experience with depression?" Erin says.  Raven raises her hand.  "Raven?" Erin says.  "I've been depressed for three years and it turns out I have psychotic depression.  It causes me to have visions." Raven says.  "How has that affected you?" Erin asks.  "People think I'm crazy and no one believes I have visions from depression." Raven says, shrugging like what she's saying is no big deal.

"Well, does anyone want to comment on that?" Erin asks.  I decide to ignore the rest of the group, knowing I'm not going to get anything out of it.  The group ends very quickly after I stop listening.  

Erin comes up to me.  "Evelyn, I would like you to try to participate a bit more.  I noticed you tuned the group out after about ten minutes." she says.  I roll my eyes and look at the floor.  "Do you know where you're supposed to go next?" she asks.  I show her the schedule and she tells me how to get to my psychiatrist's office.

I follow her directions until I reach an oak door.  I knock.  "Come in!" someone calls.  I go in.  "Hi, I'm Nicole." she says, extending her hand.  I shake my head.  "Alright then.  Have a seat, Evelyn." the woman says.  I sit down and wait for her to speak.  I carefully observe her.  She has very tan skin and mid-back length light brown hair.  She has big, intelligent looking green eyes.  "So, how've you been?" Nicole asks.  I shrug.