Evelyn's Lesson In Recovery

Major Attempt

4 1/2 MONTHS LATER; EVELYN IS 17; EVELYN HAS HAD SEVERAL LAPSES & EVERYTHING HAS GOTTEN WORSE FOR HER

I roll over in bed and cry.  I hate my life!!  I've struggled with this way too long.  I get out of bed and look at my bottle of sleeping pills on the night stand.  I see my anxiety pills and anti-depressants.  I also have fifteen pain pills left from the most recent time I cut too deep.

I get a glass of water and sit back down on the bed.  I check the time.  It's 2:03 AM.  I'll be dead by the time Suzanne and Mark wake up.  I pull up my last text message from Harper.  It was about cutting last night.  I wipe a tear away.  

I decide to text Harper......just to tell her goodbye.  "I'm done here.  I've lived 17 horrible years.  It's time for me to go.  Thanks for everything." I send her, crying silently.  I take all of the pills out of their bottle.  I take anti-anxiety pills, which there were only five left of, the emergency anxiety medicine that is mixed with a sedative, which there were about ten left of.  I take all of my anti-depressants, which there were only eight left.  I take my sleeping pills, which there were only four left.  I take the pain pills and my vision starts to blur.

I blink a few times and see I have five missed calls from Harper.  I call her back just as I start to feel a little sleepy.  "Evelyn, you haven't done anything, have you?!" Harper frantically asks.  "I took all the pills I have about four minutes ago." I say, beginning to feel kind of dizzy.  "Call 911 or I will." she says, beginning to sound really afraid.  "My vision is blurry, I'm sleepy, and I'm really dizzy." I cry.  "Go wake Suzanne up!" Harper demands.  "No, I'm going to die!" I say, crying because I know it's for real this time. 

"Evelyn, go wake her up!!" she snaps.  "No!!!" I scream.  Suzanne comes into my room suddenly.  "Why are you so loud?!" she demands.  "Give Suzanne the phone." Harper demands, her voice leaving no room for argument.  I do, beginning to shake really bad.  Suzanne suddenly looks at me with wide eyes.  "We will get her to the emergency room now." she says before handing the phone back to me.

"I hate you!" I say to Harper as Suzanne quickly carries me to the car.  "I know." Harper calmly says.  "Let me die." I cry as my eyelids get a little bit heavier.  "No way." she says.  I continue crying.  Suzanne pulls into the hospital.  She takes the phone and lets Harper know.  "It will be okay." Harper says when I get my phone back.  Suzanne rushes me in.  

"Help!" she screams.  "I'm scared." I cry.  "I know you are." Harper quietly says.  I start gagging when I'm laid on a stretcher.  "Evelyn, breathe." Harper says, the fear in her voice making me more afraid.  "I can't!!!" I cry, gagging more.  "Hang up the phone." a nurse says.  I do and Suzanne takes it from me.

I'm put in a cold, colorless room.  I'm changed into a gown and covered with a sheet.  The nurse checks my oxygen level and pulse.  She quickly puts a mask on me and attaches me to a heart monitor.  I pull the mask off; I feel like I'm about to throw up.  I come really close to throwing up, but I keep the pills down.  I lay back down and almost go to sleep.  "No!" the nurse says, shaking me.  Suzanne watches from a distance, tears running down her face.

A tall, bald man comes in.  "Okay, drug overdose?" he asks as I continue gagging.  He figures out what medicines I took and how many before asking if this was a suicide attempt.  Suzanne nods.  I'm quickly restrained to the bed.  He pours a thick black liquid into a tall cup before grabbing a medicine dropper.  

He forces my mouth open after pulling off the mask and squirts some of the thick liquid into the back of my throat.  I swallow quickly before he repeats that.  He does this until the cup is completely gone.  I gag more.  I feel like I'm going to throw up.  I do, the throw up completely black.  Everyone groans.  "We'll have to pump her stomach." the doctor says.  "No!!" I scream, pulling against the restraints.  I manage to hit the nurse who was leaning over me, trying to start an IV in my arm.  

"Let me go!!" I scream before a tube is shoved in my throat.  I choke as the doctor starts sucking whatever was in my stomach out.  They take the tube out and put the mask back on me.  "Her body absorbed about 75 percent of the drugs.  They seem to have been really fast acting." he says.  "There's a great chance she'll die." he adds.  I suddenly feel extremely sleepy.  It's impossible for me to be awake one more second.  I finally pass out.

I drift through a sea of nothingness.  I might die!  I'll finally be free from everything that has plagued me.  I wake up suddenly with a start.  I have a huge plastic tube in my throat that seems to be controlling my breathing.  I pull at the cuffs around my wrists and ankles.  Shoot.  I'm still restrained to the bed.  Suzanne looks at me.

"She's up!!!" she screams.  People rush in and the breathing tube is pulled out.  I am immediately asked how much I remember.  "Everything." I croak, my throat really dry.  They put another mask over my nose and mouth.  "Why'd you do that?" Suzanne asks.  I don't answer.  She gives me a cup of water.  I drink it very quickly.  "You need to call Harper." she says, giving me my phone before leaving.

I call Harper and wait for her to answer.  "Hello?" she says when she picks up the phone.  "I'm alive and awake." I say sadly.  "Evelyn, that's great.  I'm so glad." Harper responds.  "I want to die." I tell her, beginning to cry.  "I'll be there soon, Evelyn.  Just try to calm down." she says, sounding very concerned.

I hang up and try to go back to sleep.  I feel so horrible.  My head hurts and my stomach is so upset.  I need to get this mask off; I'm about to throw up.  I push the mask off my nose and mouth with my shoulder and see a container in my lap I didn't notice before.  I throw up, the black liquid charcoal coming up.  I slump against the pillows, exhausted.  I push the mask back on as soon as someone knocks.

"Come in!" I weakly call.  A nurse comes in.  "How are you feeling?" she asks.  "I'm a bit weak." I say.  She empties the container I was sick in and gives it back.  "Well, you'll get some strength back soon.  Let me draw some blood to see how much of the drugs are still in your system." she says, tying a tourniquet around my arm.  I'm too weak to argue with her, even though I'm terrified of needles.  

I take a sharp breath when she stabs the needle into my arm.  Someone else knocks on the door.  "Come in." the nurse calls, pulling the needle out of me, mumbling something about my vein rolling.  "Hi, Evelyn." Harper says as she comes in.  The nurse stabs me again.  I cry out and try to hit her.  The restraints keep me still while she finishes drawing my blood.

I glare at Harper as the nurse silently leaves.  "What mood?" Harper simply asks, sitting down.  "Leave me alone." I say, near tears.  "No!" Harper says.  "I said leave me alone!!" I scream.  "No you shouldn't have tried to kill yourself!!  I can't believe you would do this!  You might die!!  Don't you understand?!  How stupid can you get?!" Harper screams.  "Get out!!!  I hate you!!  You don't understand!!!" I scream back.

"I'm not leaving.  I understand completely, but you didn't trust that Liz and I could help you.  You wouldn't trust me at all.  You need to stop with these attempts." Harper says.  "I want to die!" I scream.  "You don't mean that.  You want the pain to go away." Harper says.  I pull out of the restraints and tear my IV out.  I take the mask, heart rate monitor, and oxygen monitor off before ripping a tube out of my nose.  "Let me die!" I scream as Harper tightly restrains me.

Suzanne comes in at the worst possible time.  I try to kick Harper, but Suzanne grabs my legs.  "I don't freaking care what she does to me.  Go get a freaking doctor!" Harper demands, struggling to restrain me.  I continue crying and trying to kick and hit Harper.  "Evelyn, stop!!" Harper demands after I kick her in the side, fear in her voice.  "Get off me!" I scream, trying to get out of her grip.  Suzanne returns with two other people.  

The nurse and doctor stand by the door.  "How about you help me?!" Harper exclaims as I kick her again.  I'm put back in the cuff restraints.  "Let me go!" I scream.  I need to die.  I can't stay here!!  I try pulling out of the restraints.  "What did you do?!" Suzanne asks.  I realize the question was directed to Harper.  "She just.....had an outburst." she stammers.  

"Liar!!" I scream, trying to pull out of the restraints again.  She yelled at me and kept saying I didn't want to die.  She's such a huge liar.  I hate her so much.  I hate everyone here!!  Someone stabs something in my arm and I suddenly pass out.