Evelyn's Lesson In Recovery

Not The Cover Story

TWO WEEKS LATER

I roll over in bed and sigh.  I only got about three hours of sleep and in those three hours I had a horrible nightmare.  I check the weather and see it's going to be close to 100 degrees.  I sigh quietly and feel kind of happy I'm not in Florida anymore.  It must be close to 120 there.  I go to my wardrobe and pick out what I'm wearing.  I pull on a pair of leggings, falling in the process.  I sigh and look for a top that matches.  I remember I haven't done laundry and all I have clean are short sleeved tops.  I pull a white floral top on and try to think about how to hide my wrists.  I give up, sighing quietly.

I go the bathroom and do my makeup.  Once satisfied, I pull my curls into the highest pony tail possible.  I look around for my flower crown and realize I left it in my room.  I grab it and quickly bobby pin it in place, beginning to run late.  I smile into the mirror before grabbing my purse and pulling white high heels on.  I realize how noticeable the cuts on my wrist are.  I shake my head.  She won't notice......I hope.  I rush out to my car and trip over a large crack in the side walk.  I get back to my feet and sigh.  I know it's not these heels because I was falling before I even put them on.  Hopefully, that won't happen again.

I get in the car and my phone rings.  I answer it and put it on speaker phone as I drive.  "How's college?" Suzanne asks.  "Okay." I say.  "I miss you so much, baby." she says.  "I miss you too." I say.  "Have you settled in?" she asks.  "I guess.  I'm really having fun with this internship." I tell her.  "That's great.  What are you doing?" she asks.  "Pulling in to my mentor's office." I say.  "I'll let you." she says.  I park my car and hang up.  I put my phone in my purse and go in.

"Hey Meg." I say.  I go in Jess's office and I immediately trip and fall over the side of the door frame.  Jess comes over to me and helps me up by my arms.  Oh shoot!  She looks at my arms for a moment before asking "how did these marks get all over your wrists?"  I look into her eyes and try to fight back my tears.  I throw my car keys onto her desk and sigh.  I open my mouth to speak and Jess gives me a look I instantly interpret as 'don't you dare freaking lie to me because I already know'.  "I self harm." I admit.  "I'm really concerned about you, but we can't deal with this right now.  Our first patient is coming  in about.....fifteen minutes.  Just give me some basic information and we'll talk more when we leave the office for lunch." she says.

"I don't want to talk about this with you, Jessica.  I just want things between us to remain friendly, but professional.  You're my mentor, not my therapist." I say, sighing quietly.  "I actually want to take you on as a patient." Jess says.  "And don't call me Jessica, it annoys me." she adds.  "Noted." I say, smiling slightly.  "I'm not crossing the boundary I have in place.  You are my mentor." I explain.  "Setting boundaries early.......usually I would be proud of you, but this isn't crossing a boundary.  All of my interns have to go through therapy so they can experience what they're giving and they're aware of their triggers.  Occasionally, I'm their therapist, but not often.  I really think if I'm your therapist, it will help me help you become the best psychiatrist possible." she says.

I sigh and give in.  She gathers a bunch of paper work and presents it to me on a clipboard.  "How thoughtful." I sarcastically say before she hands me a pen.  I start filling it out.  When it comes to the part where I have to check my problems, I start feeling nervous.  I check social anxiety disorder, depression, insomnia, post traumatic stress disorder, panic disorder, and self harm.  Then it asks if I've tried to commit suicide.  I sigh and finish filling out the forms.

Jess looks over it.  She seems shocked.  "Oh wow." she says in a low voice.  A tear runs down my face.  I quickly wipe it away, hoping I don't mess up my makeup.  Jess hands me a tissue before a look of empathy crosses her face.  "I'm glad you trust me enough to help you with this." she says.  I shrug, trying to stop crying.  "I care about you, Evelyn, and I'm going to help you recover from these things." she says, smiling.  I roll my eyes.  "We'll talk about this later.  Gather yourself, fix your makeup, and put these things away." Jess says.  "Okay." I say.  I go to the bathroom and look at my reflection.  My makeup is a total mess.