Evelyn's Lesson In Recovery

Hoped You Forgot

One week later

I have kept my relapse hidden from everyone.  I have twenty four cuts on my left arm and no one knows.  I hope no one figures it out  because they'd tell Harper and I don't want Harper to know.  I'm still mad at her for telling Cassidy I was molested.  I brush my frizzy hair and look in the mirror.  Cassidy calls me from the antechamber.  I leave my cool, dark room and follow her outside.  The air is sickly warm and it smells strongly of pollen.  I pull the sleeves of my sparkly pink sweater down and get in the dark blue Malibu.  I put my earbuds in and block out Cassidy's attempts at getting me to talk by listening to my favorite band, All Time Low.

We pull in, slightly late.  Cassidy rushes me into the brick building, her thick brown curls bouncing with each step.  As soon as we sit down after signing in, Harper comes out and motions for me to follow her.  She has her long brown hair thrown over her shoulders and, as usual, there are a few small braids scattered throughout her hair.  I roll my eyes.  She's wearing a long skirt, which is unusual for her.  She smiles at me.  I clench my fist and roll my eyes again.  I haven't forgotten how she betrayed me.  I'm not going to just open up and tell her everything; it's not that easy to regain my trust.  I sit down on the cold leather couch and she sits beside me, as usual.  "I know you're angry, but let me explain." she says calmly, trying to keep me from screaming at her.  She thinks she knows me really well, but she doesn't.  She knows nothing about me.  I shake my head, cutting her off.  She seems surprised I interrupted her so soon.  "Don't start.  I don't care what your explanation is.  It's not good enough.  You don't do that to someone.  Don't tell me you 'had to do it' or 'it was in my best interests' or 'you care'.  I do not care what excuse you have." I calmly interrupt her, trying to portray how I feel without getting upset with her.  I have a feeling that won't last long though.

Harper sighs softly.  I can tell she's upset and trying to be patient with me.  "Evie...." she begins, trying to use a nickname to ease the tension in the room.  "Shut up!!!!!!" I scream in frustration.  "I will not; watch your tone with me." she says, quickly becoming harsh with me.  I look at her, surprise in my eyes.  She has never been like this with me.  She usually lets me express anger with her without interrupting me.    "No.  You didn't hesitate to ruin my life; I won't hesitate to make this hour or so a week the worst you have." I say cruelly, trying to make sure my words actually hurt her, like her words hurt me.  "Evelyn, I have done nothing to you to cause you to do that.  You need to think about what you're doing.  Do you really want me as someone you  have to fight against?  I will fight with you to get you better.  I will not hesitate." Harper says, her voice cold.  I look into her eyes.  I see no emotion, just cold distance.  I bite my lip; this isn't like her.  She isn't actually effected by my words; she's trying to keep herself from reacting.  "I hate you!!" I scream, tears running down my face.  I pull my sleeve over my hand and wipe away my tears.  Harper looks concerned, but she instantly hides it under her cold distance.

"You don't care though.  You never did.  You just pushed me and pushed me.  Then you sent me away where things got fifty times worse because you didn't care if I came back alive and well or dead or worse off!" I scream.  Harper bites her lip and waits for me to finish screaming at her, clearly hoping if I finish screaming at her we'll be able to talk about it.  I don't want to talk about this how I feel from her betrayal.  I open my mouth to say something else, but I get cut off.  "No.  You're not going to sit there and keep berating me.  I'm not going to be verbally abused by you.  I can't do it.  You're not going to make me feel worse about this situation; it isn't worth it at this point.  You will respect me or you will be transferred to someone who isn't as lenient as me." Harper says, finally dropping her act of emotional distance.  I hear the pain in her voice, but I chose to ignore it.  She throws her dark brown hair over her shoulder and sighs.  I look into her eyes and study her for a moment.  Her eyes are deep brown and seem to be glazed over.  They're either glazing over from emotion or from her keeping her distance.