Evelyn's Lesson In Recovery

Nightmares and Attacks Part One

I'm surrounded. There's no way out!! My mom approaches me with a knife in her hand. I scream as she covers my mouth and stabs me. I fall to my knees, blood pouring from my stomach. I don't cry, I'm just....shocked. She stabs me a few more times. "Stop!!" the word comes with blood. I gag and spit the blood in my mouth at my mom. She stabs me in the face. The pain and burning overwhelms me. She stabs me in the head again before I feel a jolt.
I snap my eyes open and scream, tears running down my face. My arms sting slightly. I realize I was clawing at them in my sleep. Wanda rushes in. "What's wrong?!" she asks, alarmed. I shake my head, covering my face. She comes over to me. "Evelyn, it's okay." she says, putting a hand on my chest. I shake my head, frantic. "Did you have a nightmare?" she asks. I nod, wiping my tears. "It was just a dream." she says gently before clicking on the lamp and leaving. I take a sip of the water on my night stand.
"Is everything okay?" Lindsey asks. I shake my head, still crying. She comes over to me. She wipes my tears. "It was just a dream." she promises me. I nod, rocking slightly. "I-it.......m-might be real." I whisper. "That doesn't make sense." Lindsey says. I sigh and get out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asks. "To the bathroom, I'll be right back, I promise." I say before quietly walking to the bathroom.
My hair is a mess of thick curls and knots. My face is red and I'm sweaty. The tears keep flowing. "Calm down." I tell myself softly. I know at this point nothing will calm me down.....except for the one thing I shouldn't do. I get my 'bathroom bag' and find my hidden blade. I lock the door and lean against it. I press the cold blade against my wrist. I could end everything now or I could give myself relief. I draw it across my wrist and when I feel the pain seconds later, I take a sharp breath.
Tears sting my eyes, but I cut again, just so I can scream inside and not die. I make several more cuts. I finally slide down to sit against the door. I feel really weak and light headed, but I'm not upset anymore.
That is when I realize what I just did. I'm bleeding very heavily. Why did I do this?!! I unlock the door and throw the blade in the sink. The blood drips off my arm. I stumble to Wanda's room. My foster parents sit up and see the cuts on my arm. "It won't stop." I whisper weakly. "Francis, call 911." Wanda says. I panic. "No! They'll make me go back to a mental hospital!!" I cry. "It'll be okay." Wanda says, using a rag to press against my wrist. I don't feel pain anymore because of the adrenaline coursing through me.
Lindsey comes in suddenly. Francis guides her out, closing and locking the door to the bedroom. About twelve minutes later, he comes back in with two mad dressed in blue. They peel the rag off my wrist and wrap my arm tightly in gauze. I'm put on a stretcher and taken out to an ambulance. "I'll meet you at the hospital." Wanda promises. "Wait!!" I cry. Everyone stops what they were doing. "Bring me my phone." I say. Wanda runs inside and returns with my phone.
I text Harper. "Call me, ASAP, something's very wrong." I send. She calls back about three minutes later, after I have an IV in my arm and an oxygen mask on my face. I answer it. "Evelyn, what happened?" she asks, forcing herself to be calm. "I went too deep. The bleeding wouldn't stop." I cry. "Evelyn, listen, are you going to the hospital?" she asks. "Y-yes. Wanda made me.....I'm literally in an ambulance." I say, feeling dizzy. "That's good, but why?" she asks. "I wasn't trying to kill myself, I promise. I was trying to get relief, but I was too upset and panicked to think clearly and I just......it was an accident, I didn't mean to go this far." I say. "It will be okay, but I'm going to call Cecilia and let her know what happened......and I guess I'll try to be up there in the next hour or so, okay?" she asks.
"Harper, don't tell Cecilia. I'm serious, do not tell her!!!" I say, fear making me sound hostile. "I have to, I'll talk to you soon." she says; with that she hangs up. I lay my phone on the stretcher. "Just a few minutes left, dear." the paramedic says. I wipe my eyes, my arm hurting really bad now. "Are you in pain?" he asks. I nod, wiping the tears again.
"It'll be okay." he says with a kind smile. When we pull into the hospital, I'm taken out of the back of the ambulance and wheeled into the emergency room.
"What happened?" a nurse asks me. I can either be honest, not speak, or lie? I can't really lie because Wanda will be here soon, I can't not speak because then they'll think it was suicide attempt....I just have to be honest. "I went too deep when I cut by accident." I say. She nods and gets a doctor. My phone vibrates. I check the number and answer. "What, Harper?" I ask. "First, lose the attitude. Second, Cecilia told me to tell you that it will be okay and she understands what happened. Third, I'll be there in about half an hour, is anyone there with you?" she says. "No, Wanda said she'd be here soon, but she isn't here." I say.
The doctor comes in. "The doctor just walked in, Harper, I'll see you soon." I say, hanging up. "Let's see what we're dealing with." the doctor says, listening to my heart and lungs. "Heart beat fast and slightly sporadic, respiration is high too." he says to the nurse. She writes what he said down and smiles sympathetically. He picks up my wrist in his hands. I cry out and pull away. "Give her....uh........something for pain." he says. The nurse quickly puts something in my IV. "Let's give it a minute." he says, stepping away from me.
Wanda rushes in. "Evelyn!" she exclaims. "Harper just called me. I'm so sorry I left you alone after your nightmare." she says. The doctor picks my arm up again. I bite my lip, it still hurts a lot. Wanda holds my hand as he undoes the wraps. He tries to hide the worried look on his face when he sees the cuts. "Get radiology." he tells the nurse. She makes a call over the intercom for radiology to come to the emergency room. A woman with black hair and pale skin comes into the room. She moves a machine over my arm and tells me to hold still. The machine whirs for a minute before the woman walks out. She then hands something to the doctor.
"No broken bones or any other damage." he says. Wanda sighs to herself. "Now, we just need to clean these cuts and stitch them closed." he says. Then, Harper enters the room. "Okay, I need ten minutes alone with Evelyn!" she announces. The doctor rewraps my arm and everyone leaves.
"Evelyn.........what in the world?!" she asks. "I'm sorry." I whisper. "Don't apologize. Why did you do this? Give me a reason." she says. "I had a nightmare that was too real. I started to panic and I had to do this to calm down." I explain. It's so easy to talk to Harper. She has a way of putting me at ease quickly. She nods and says "its expected. Relapses will happen. You can't expect to not mess up."